


Rise and Shine

by coffeeandcas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel and Jimmy Novak Are Twins, Castiel's First Kiss, Codependency, Codependent Twins, Feelings, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Castiel, Jimmy Feels, Jimmy Has Attachment Issues, M/M, Mechanic Dean, Needy Jimmy, Not Twincest, Physically Affectionate Twins, Sam Being an Idiot, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Sibling Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-09-28 03:03:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 46,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10067591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeandcas/pseuds/coffeeandcas
Summary: Castiel Novak has always been lonely. His twin brother Jimmy seems to have it all: he's handsome, lively, charismatic, and when he's around everyone seems to forget Castiel even exists. Jimmy is the life and soul of every party and everyone at Stanford adores him, everyone including the guy Cas has been pining over for years: Sam Winchester. Just when Cas thinks Sam might actually be returning his affections, Jimmy steals him away and leaves Cas feeling more despondent and alone than ever.Then, Sam’s older brother Dean comes to visit for summer and Castiel’s world is turned upside down.





	1. Chapter 1

“I am _so_ tired!”

  
Jimmy sighs dramatically, tossing his school bag onto a chair and collapsing onto Castiel’s bed, sending books and papers sliding to the floor. Jimmy smirks at his twin’s agonised gasp, and watches him scurry to pick them up.

“You should have come last night, Cas. Spread your wings a bit. Have you even seen anything but the inside of this room and your lecture halls in the past two years?”

“Of course I have,” Cas snaps, trying to put his coursework back in order. “I just have no interest in your little frat parties. I have more important things to focus on.”

“Brother, you wound me!” Jimmy props himself up onto one elbow, hand clutching dramatically at his heart. “I am not in a _frat_! They just…throw the best parties.”

“Whatever.” Cas eyes his twin, who looks to be getting too comfortable on Castiel’s bed. “Don't you have something you should be doing right now? Like, oh I don't know, studying?” Moodily, Cas pulls out his desk chair and sits down, turning on his computer. “And tidy your stuff up, this place is a mess.”

“Oh Cas, you're so strict.” Jimmy examines his fingernails. “I don't know how I put up with you. But honestly,” he sits up on the bed and fixes Cas with a stern look. “You really should come out one of these days.” Then, realising the double entendres of his words, breaks into a peal of laughter. “In more ways than one!” And he collapses back on the bed, giggling, as Cas huffs and sticks his headphones in to block out the sound of his brother’s antics.

“I am out,” he grouches, searching through Spotify for a playlist he likes. Jimmy has been teasing him about this for years.

“You are not!” Jimmy gets up from the bed and retrieves his bag, pulling out a textbook on microbiology and settling comfortably on Castiel’s bed to read. “You're not even out to mom and dad, and you tell them _everything_.”

 _I really, really don't,_ Cas thinks, hitting play and drowning out the end of Jimmy’s sentence.

He hasn't told his parents much about himself in a long while; they never seem to have much time for him during the holidays whenever they go home. Jimmy dominates every conversation with tales of his raucous antics at Stanford, while Cas sits quietly and listens, waiting for a gap in the conversation or for his turn to talk about what he gets up to - which isn't much, but he wants to tell his parents about his studies and the things he's learning. But in general, by the time Jimmy has finished talking dinner is over, and Cas realises he's spent the entire meal in silence. That happens day after day, until he almost feels part of the furniture since even his own family don't try to draw him in. Eventually, on the last day of the holidays, his parents say the same thing: 'you've been so quiet, Castiel, we feel like we’ve barely seen you!' And he has to bite his tongue to refrain from saying that he's been there all along, it's just that nobody has really noticed him.

He has lived in Jimmy’s shadow his entire life, but its become worse as the pair of them have grown up. Jimmy seems to enjoy having Castiel as his shadow, and rarely encourages Cas to do things on his own, or things he thinks his brother would enjoy. School had been awful, as the years went on. Jimmy had lots of friends, an endless stream of girlfriends, and Cas had felt like a charity case, taken under Jimmy’s wing because he was the shy, socially awkward twin who never knew the right things to say or do. He frequently embarrassed himself when he tried to join in conversations, and Jimmy would laugh at the expressions on the faces of his friends and ruffle Cas’ hair affectionately, as though he were a dopey puppy. It made Cas retreat into himself further, while the craving for friendship grew stronger but he felt powerless to do anything about it. Nobody wanted to be his friend; if Jimmy had a different class or lunch period to him he would end up sitting alone with nobody to talk to, he was always picked last in gym while Jimmy was always first, and he was never invited to after school activities unless Jimmy practically begged his friends to include him. Eventually, Cas gave up on the idea of having his own friends and enjoying the social aspect of high school and focused on his studies instead. College was looming, and with it came the small seed of hope that he would one day be able to be himself, out from under Jimmy’s influence, build his own life and hopefully make some friends of his own.

He had applied to Stanford, pre-law, and been accepted immediately. With his grades and dedication, nobody had been surprised - it would always stick with Castiel that his father had simply raised an eyebrow and muttered ‘good, I would have expected nothing less’ when Cas had bounded into the library with the letter in his hand, uncharacteristically exuberant, and the cool words had felt like a slap in the face. His excitement dulled, he had worked even harder as the weeks passed, determined to succeed and make his father proud, since clearly acceptance into an Ivy-League school hasn't quite done it. Jimmy whined, of course, begging Cas to go to NYU with him but Cas refused and Jimmy eventually let it go. Cas spent many nights wide awake, trying to picture his new life at college and feeling his excitement grow as the days passed. He couldn't wait, was rebelling in the anticipation of striking out on his own and really being his own person for the first time in his life. He would miss Jimmy, of course, but they would visit each other and Skype most days. Jimmy would be fine in New York and Cas…Cas couldn't wait.

Then, the inevitable happened.

Jimmy applied to Stanford and Castiel’s world shuddered to a worrying halt, until Jimmy’s application was rejected and Cas felt like he could breathe again. He loved his twin, unconditionally, but Jimmy was suffocating him and he needed space or he felt like he would just end up fading away in his twin’s shadow with nobody noticing he was gone. He shouldn't have been thankful that Jimmy wasn't accepted, especially since his twin wept and sulked and pouted and generally was unpleasant to be around in the days following.

Then their father made a call. The Novaks were a rich, influential family and that phone call changed Jimmy’s fate and, with it, Castiel’s. They went out for dinner that night to celebrate, and Jimmy sparkled and preened under the praise of how smart he was and how lucky Stanford was to be having him. Cas, forgotten, felt like he was intruding and stared unseeingly into his champagne, picking at his food until it was time to leave.

“Cas!” Jimmy had bounded into his room the morning they were due to go off together to college, with a triumphant grin on his face. “Come on, we’ll be late!” And slung an arm around his twin, dragging him out of his bedroom and down the stairs before Cas could form the words to protest.

“I wonder who we’ll be sharing rooms with,” Cas had mused, staring out of the window of the limo on the way to the airport, trying to keep the hopeful note out of his voice. He was anxious that his new roommate, whoever it may be, wouldn't like him, would find him dull and uninteresting, but Cas was keen to try. He was so desperate for a close friendship that he would do anything to make it happen. Would change his entire personality if it helped - if he could work out how. But before he could think any more about it, Jimmy had arched an eyebrow and laughed.

“Cas! It's all sorted! We’re sharing, I thought I'd told you that?”

And with that, Castiel’s last hope of starting a new life, away from Jimmy, was dashed to pieces and he knew instinctively that college wouldn't be much different to high school for him at all. He now felt he had nothing really to look forward to beyond a few years of loneliness, always a few steps behind his lively twin, and the hopes he had clung to over the last few months ebbed away as the car covered the miles.

And he had been right. Two years into college and Castiel has no friends. He has study groups, who he thought were his friends, but then found out they were going out to parties and movies and hadn't invited him and had felt so crushed he hadn't met with them again. He's top in all his classes, because all he does with his time is study. His lecturers either adore him and fawn over him, earning him the nickname of Teacher’s Pet, or think he's too invested and too strange and should work on his social skills a little more outside of class.

Cas sighs, staring at his screen. Jimmy is whistling some perky tune, tapping his fingers against his textbook, and his very presence is driving Cas mad. He has a class in twenty minutes, and if he leaves now he can grab a coffee on the way over, and it means less time in Jimmy’s company being teased for keeping his sexuality on the down low. It's only a matter of time before Jimmy brings up his other favourite subject: the fact that Cas is in his early twenties and still hasn't had a first kiss. It comes up at least once a week, and every time Cas feels a little less confident and a little more unwanted. Jimmy has slept with loads of people, and revels in telling Cas the sordid details of his nights with many a pretty man or woman. Jimmy isn't picky, and he says narrowing himself down to one gender wouldn't be fair on the beautiful people who would miss out on his company.

“I'm going out.” Cas shuts down his computer and Jimmy glances up in surprise, before a mocking smile spreads across his face.

“Let me guess. Hot date?”

Cas glares.

“With your laptop and a lecture theatre?”

“Fuck off, Jimmy.”

“You'll have to try it one day, Cas. Dating won't kill you, you know?” Jimmy sniggers, yelping as Cas whacks him on the leg as he walks past. “It won't suck itself!”

“ _Fuck off_ , Jimmy!”

Cas slams the door on his brother’s peals of mocking laughter and all but runs from his dorm wishing, for the millionth time, that Jimmy had never come with him to Stanford.


	2. Chapter 2

Cas drops his head into his hands and sighs, for what feels like the third time in ten minutes. He hasn't really concentrated much in his class, and it's showing now as he struggles to begin their assignment in the library. He could bear to go back to their room, where Jimmy was no doubt still lounging on Castiel’s bed and probably nodding off over a textbook while faking studying; he's not in the mood for his twin’s banter, as harmless as Jimmy thinks it may be. He's tired, his nerves are frayed from one too many complex assignments, and he just wants to be left alone for a while. He's finding college hard, harder than he thought, and feels a mixture of guilt and anger when he imagines what it could have been like without his twin. That perhaps it would have been a better experience for him. But then again, it isn't Jimmy’s fault that he can't seem to make a single friend. Jimmy is studying engineering and isn't in any of Castiel’s classes, so he isn't there to draw people's attention. That thought makes Cas feel even worse: that even without his brother he isn't interesting enough for people to want to talk to. He realises his eyes have filled with bitter tears and he scrubs at his face angrily. Jimmy is the crier out of the pair of them, not him. He doesn't do emotions - not visible ones, anyway. He hides things away, dwells on everything and reflects when he's alone and has time to properly unpack how he feels and what he thinks.

  
Jimmy has always been the way he is: lively, confident and sassy, and to his credit he's always had time for Castiel. Even if it's sometimes been teasing or mocking, he's always been there for his brother when Cas has struggled. He found it difficult when his father was so much harder on him than Jimmy, and when he would sit dejected in his room Jimmy would always come and cheer him up with kind words and funny jokes. Jimmy had been Cas’ rock as a small child when he had suffered with nightmares and couldn't sleep alone, and when he was older and they started school together it was Jimmy who fended off the bullies, Jimmy who got sent home from school for pushing over another boy after Castiel got teased about his name. Jimmy who spoke up for his brother, who always said what was on his mind and never backed down, even if he was in the wrong. Jimmy was just as smart as Castiel, but didn't apply himself as well and seemed to cruise through life on glittering smiles, dumb luck and his family name while Cas worked his fingers bloody - figuratively speaking - to achieve half the results. The Novak twins were well-known in the social circles of the wealthy and well-bred, and Cas often felt more at home at the stuffy soirees their parents dragged them to every few months, dressed to the nines in impeccable suits and expected to interact smoothly with everyone they were introduced to. Jimmy would dazzle with smiles and witty comments, while Castiel would find his footing and discuss business, politics and economics with his father’s friends who always found him terribly mature for his age and complimented his intelligence and eloquence on subjects beyond his years.

He only wishes it was the same at school, with students his own age.

A thud to his left makes his head jerk up and he stares into curious, slightly wary hazel eyes and for a fraction of a second his heart forgets to beat.

“Is anyone sitting here?”

A soft, low voice asks him and it takes Cas a minute to shake his head no. A tall, well-built guy with artfully-styled long hair is staring good expectantly down at him, gesturing to the chair opposite Castiel, and Cas realises sluggishly that the whole library is full apart from his table. Typical. He looks down quickly at the mess he's made with his books and realises the guy is waiting for him to move his stuff. He stands awkwardly, too quickly, fumbling to tidy up his books which are spread all across the table, accidentally dropping a pile of papers in his hurry. They scatter everywhere, and he bends down to pick them up as his cheeks flare with heat. As he does, a textbook falls of the table as well and whacks him on the head on its way to the floor. A curse slips past his lips and he closes his eyes in mortification. This is why he doesn't have any friends, this is exactly it. He can't react to anything in the normal way. Can't do anything normal, apparently, not even move his books to make room for a hot guy to sit with him. Mind you, to him this isn't exactly normal.

Sam fucking Winchester, the guy he has been crushing on since his first day at college and their first class together, just asked to sit with him, and what does he do in response? Acts like the klutz he is and throws his work everywhere. He scurries to pick up the last few sheets, righting himself in his chair with pink cheeks and bites his lip as Sam pulls out a chair to sit down at the table opposite him, looking only mildly embarrassed by Castiel’s awkwardness. He opens a textbook and immediately disappears behind it and Cas is left staring at some Latin translations textbook and feeling small and insignificant. And embarrassed, very definitely embarrassed. He shuffles his paperwork and opens his own textbook, trying to calm his burning cheeks and bites the inside of his cheek, taking slow breaths to calm himself. Out of his peripheral vision, he's sure he sees Sam sneak a glance at him with furrowed brows, probably wondering why the class freak is panting at him from across the table, and Cas sinks lower in his seat in deeper humiliation. He is literally the definition of the word embarrassment. His picture is probably right there in the dictionary, and it's probably next to ‘loser’, ‘awkward’, and ‘socially inept’ as well. Although socially inept is technically two words, not one, and probably isn't even in the dictionary and… _oh_ _for_ _fuck’s sake, Cas, this is why you have nobody to sit with,_ he chides himself. He's so lost in his own self-deprivation that he doesn't realise Sam is speaking to him until a hand comes into his vision and taps the top of his textbook. He jumps, too violently, and the book slides to the floor once again. He's unable to contain a groan, and looks up to see Sam staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face.

 _Fuck, he is so handsome_.

“Do you have a pen I can borrow?”

“A…a what?” Cas is so stunned that the hottest, most popular guy on campus is even sharing his airspace let alone speaking to him that the words don't make sense in his flustered brain. Sam looks to be repressing a roll of his eyes and repeats himself.

“A pen. To write with. Do you have a spare?”

“Yes! I do!” Cas rustles in his bag and produces one, handing it to Sam with flushed cheeks and jerks away reflexively as their fingers brush when Sam takes it from him. The guy gives Cas a look that plainly says ‘thanks, weirdo’ and disappears behind his propped-up textbook again. Cas fishes his own up from the floor and tries to find his place again, all the while wishing the ground would just open up and swallow him whole.

And preferably spit him out into another world altogether, because he really isn't functioning properly in this one.


	3. Chapter 3

“What did you write for question ten?”

Sam leans over and spins Cas’ notepad so he can see the neat script that covers almost an entire page, and frowns. He's silent for a moment, reading, then collapses back in his chair and sighs. 

“Dammit, Cas. Does it ever get tiring, being the smartest kid at college?”

Cas represses a smirk. A few days ago, a line like that from Sam’s mouth would have turned him into a gibbering, blushing, unable-to-answer mess. As it is, he still flushes and struggles to respond for a second before saying: ‘Only when I have to tutor the stupid ones.’ And ducks as Sam tosses a book in his general direction, earning them both a glare from the prickly librarian. 

He and Sam have spent every afternoon together in the library for over a week, and Cas is still asking himself how and why Sam fucking Winchester wants to spend time with him. At first he was sure it was just so that Sam could copy his notes, or that he was bored and had nobody else around, especially after his embarrassing performance and the awkward silences on the first day they shared a table. On day two, Sam had sat at his table as well: the library had been busy so Cas thought nothing of it, counted his lucky stars, and tried not to be as big a klutz as the previous day. Day three, and the library was quieter so Cas was downright stunned when Sam pulled out a chair, tossed his rucksack down and asked Cas if he wanted anything from the vending machine since he was heading over to get a drink. He had brought back two bottles of water and some candy bars, shared them with Cas, and they had made enough small talk for Sam to grin at him at the end of their study session and say: ‘Bye, Cas. See you tomorrow.’

It's now day eight, it's hot outside and sticky with the wispy breeze doing nothing to cool anyone down, and Castiel is stuck inside studying. Which is a surprise to absolutely no one. But he really couldn't care less about missing out on a few hours of sunshine, because Sam Winchester is sitting with him, reading through his work and calling him smart. Cas silently preens a little under the praise, enjoying the attention of the handsome older man. He's focused on a page in his textbook, highlighting little sections now and again and making notes in the margins, when he realises Sam hasn't moved in a while. Cas feels the creeping feeling of someone watching him start to crawl up his spine, and glances up to see Sam’s eyes on him and his lips parted as though he's intending to speak. Cas stiffens a bit; Sam normally isn't shy with his words, so whatever he's about to say is clearly a deviation from the norm. 

“Cas, um,” Sam falters, plays with his pen. “What are you doing later?”

“Later?” It's already pretty late. He checks his watch out of habit and thinks he should probably be getting back to his dorm so he and Jimmy can go out to eat, but hold on a second, why was Sam asking? “I, uh, getting dinner with Jimmy. I guess. Uh, why?”

“I just wondered,” another drawn out pause, and Cas can feel his palms start to sweat. “There's a new burger joint opened up just off campus, and I've heard it's good...”

“Oh. Um, I'm not sure. I haven't been.” In true Cas style, he misses the point. A second later, he glances up at Sam with wide eyes. “Wait, you weren't asking for my recommendation, were you?”

Sam’s handsome face breaks into a grin freakishly reminiscent of an excited puppy and he shakes his head. “No, Cas, I wasn't. In fact, a friend asked me for _my_ recommendation on the place, and since I haven't been I'm not able to comment. I want to try it out and, well,” Sam toys with his stationary again. “Wondered if you fancied coming along?”

“I- yeah, sure, that sounds…” Fine, pleasant, nice, great, wonderful, freakin’ _awesome_. But… “Who else is going?”

Cas isn't keen on Sam’s friends. They're all loud, sporty types and from past experience Cas doesn't gel well with people like that. He's sat through too many awkward silences and oh-so-funny comments from people just like them, and isn't thrilled at the prospect of an evening hanging out in silence or worse, the target of their jokes. Maybe he could go, just to spend time with Sam, but what if they show him up? What if Sam teases him too? What if…?

“Nobody, Cas. I thought you and I could go. Just the two of us.”

“What? Really?” Cas flushes, and he swears it reaches right down to his toes. Leave it to him to miss something so apparently obvious. “As in…?”

Sam laughs, kicking back in his chair, confidence restored and he appraises Cas with gentle, warm amusement. “Are you always this difficult to ask out?”

On cue, Cas blushed even deeper and drops his pen on the floor. “Um. I don't think so. No. Maybe. I haven't, um, had much occasion.”

“Oh, really?” 

Cas’ head darts up, worried that confessing to his very - _very_ \- limited experience in the dating world would put Sam off, but it's clear he needn't have worried. If anything, Sam’s grin is a little wider, his eyes sparkling just a little more. He leans across the table and runs a finger across the back of Castiel’s wrist, and he barely suppresses a shiver. 

“Well, maybe I should do this properly then. Cas?”

“Yeah?” His mouth is so dry suddenly that it's almost impossible to speak. 

“Would you like to go out with me tonight? For dinner?”

“I’d-” Cas swallows and clears his threat, unable to look away from the smile in Sam’s eyes. “I’d love to. That sounds good. Great. Yes. Please.” 

And as Sam smiles at him, tells him he will meet him outside their dorm building in an hour and gathers his books, Cas can't decide whether to melt into the ground with embarrassment or jump up screaming in excitement. He has a date with Sam Winchester. 

_He has a date with Sam Winchester!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a ton of fun with planning out this fic, and am eager to know what you'd like to see in upcoming chapters with regard to Jimmy - more? Less?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Patience, Destiel shippers, patience. Your time is coming. But just to keep you interested, here's a hint of a scene I just finished writing from a future chapter: Dean. Cas. Thunderstorm. Backseat of the Impala. 
> 
> Now, I think Cas has a date to get to...

“Wait, I have to what?”

Jimmy is lounging on Castiel’s bed - naturally - playing with his phone and frowning. He hasn't really been paying attention to his brother, who has been feverishly rooting through his closet for something to wear, and it's only just registered with him that he's going to be eating dinner alone. 

“What are you doing?” Jimmy hops off the bed and sidles up next to Cas, who is holding a shirt and a pair of jeans, and looking perplexed. 

“Do these go together?”

“Yes, they're fine, Cas I thought _we_ were getting dinner together? What's changed?” There's an adorable frown on Jimmy’s face and Cas has to suppress the desire to laugh at his pouting twin. He's never known anyone sulk the way his brother does.

“I have…” _A date_. The words almost come spilling out, but he restrains them at the last second and amends, “Plans. With a friend. I forgot about them. Sorry, Jimmy,” Cas feels a twinge of guilt at the outrage on his brother’s face. “You'll have to fend for yourself.”

“Caaaas!” It's almost a wail, and Jimmy receives a firm elbow to the ribs for his troubles. “You promised!”

“Don't be such a baby. You'll survive on your own.”

“Well, of course I will!” Jimmy has his hands on his hips and looks indignant now, his phone lit up in one hand and his hair all askew. “But that's not the point. I wanted to go out with _you_!” He consults his phone with a frown and a Novak-head-tilt. “I suppose I could find someone else. I think Adam is free. I wanted to go to that new burger joint, you know the one off campus? I've heard it's really good…”

Oh. God. No. Cas has to stop that line of thought in its tracks; he simply cannot have Jimmy turning up and crashing his date, it would ruin everything. His brother’s chaotic energy is absolutely not what he wants tonight, he wants it to be perfect, relaxed, and enjoyable. And totally Jimmy-free. He's clenching the coat hanger so hard his knuckles are white, and Jimmy notices and fixes him with a strange look. 

“You all right?”

“I'm fine. I, uh, heard that place was a bust. Awful food, terrible staff. I wouldn't bother if I were you.” Even to his own ears, Cas doesn't sound convincing. He doesn't expect Jimmy to buy it, but he shrugs and nods at his phone. 

“OK. I guess we can eat at his place instead. So,” Jimmy pockets his phone and leans back against Cas’ desk. “Who are you heading out with?”

“Just…someone from class.” It isn't technically a lie, either. Cas hates lying to his twin, so it's a bit of a relief when he finds he doesn't have to, that he can just…lie by omission, instead. Great. Much better. 

“Oh, one of your boring law geeks?” Jimmy pretends to stifle a yawn behind his hand. “I was going to tag along,” _You were NOT_ , Cas thinks irritably. “But I think I'd rather watch the grass grow. You go and have fun. I'm calling Adam.” He wanders off towards the door, his phone already pressed to his ear and only turns back when Cas murmurs his name. 

“Yeah?”

“Are you sure this outfit is OK?”

“It's fine, you'll look great. Adam? Hey it's Jimmy, what are you up to…?”

The door closes, and Cas is left blissfully and terrifyingly alone to get ready for the first proper date he's ever had. 

*

They walk from Sam’s car to the restaurant at a leisurely pace, Sam’s hand pressing gently on Cas’ lower back and his skin tingles from the touch, even through his shirt. The evening is blissfully warm and balmy, the heat of the day ebbing away, and walking through town with Sam is immensely enjoyable. Sam opens the door for him and Cas blushes. Sam orders drinks for them, and Cas smiles to himself. He's enjoying the attention, lapping it up, and when they've ordered they make small talk about their assignments, classmates, the weather and their families. Then the chat does down a bit into awkward silence, and Cas toys with the straw in his slightly odd-tasting PB&J milkshake. 

“So…what are you doing over summer?”

Their food arrives, and for a moment they both lapse into another, happy silence as they realise that the burger place does in fact live up to the hype. Cas makes a mental note to bring Jimmy here one day, before his attention is diverted back to Sam who chews a mouthful of double-bacon-cheese, swallows, makes a sound of utter ecstasy at how good it tastes, and says,

“Oh, my brother is coming up. For summer. He's going to crash with me for a few weeks, see the sights, get a break from work. I haven't seen him since Christmas, so it will be good to catch up.”

“That sounds cool. What does he do?”

“He's a mechanic, lives over in Kansas. He's pretty great, you'd like him. We should all go out together some time, he can teach us both to hustle pool; god knows I could use the extra cash!” 

Sam laughs and Cas smiles, inwardly warming to the idea that Sam sees them hanging out again, potentially more than once. And that he wants him to meet his brother. Cas can't say he's quite as excited for Sam to meet Jimmy, however. 

“What about you? Going home for summer?”

“No, not this year. Our parents are in Switzerland on a business trip, so we decided to stay here. They invited us, but neither of us fancied such a long flight.” This isn't true. Cas had wanted to go, but Jimmy had complained constantly until he gave in and said fine, they could stay at Stanford and just hang out over summer. The smile on Jimmy’s face had been so radiant that Cas couldn't even find it in himself to be annoyed in the slightest. 

“We? As in, you and Jimmy?”

“Oh.” Oh, indeed. Hearing his twin's name out of his date's mouth is  _not_ what Castiel has in mind. “You know my brother?”

“Well,” Sam laughs and suddenly looks a bit uncomfortable. “Not well, I mean we've only talked once or twice in the past. But, um,”

“What?” Castiel’s curiosity is piqued, combined with a sinking dread. Does Sam know Jimmy, or does he know Jimmy? Because if it's the latter then this date is about to get a whole lot more awkward and Cas really couldn't bear it if Jimmy had got to Sam before he did. Or if Sam had got to Jimmy first. Oh God, it’s all awful, however you look at it. _Please_ say Jimmy hasn't…

“Well…” Sam flushes, and won't meet Cas’ eyes just for a second. He rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably and Castiel can tell he isn't going to like the next words from Sam’s mouth. “OK, honesty time. And don't get upset with me, promise?” Cas nods mutely, unsure about what he's promising until… “I kinda thought you were Jimmy. When I sat with you, that first time. And the second. And, well, maybe the third time too.” Cas feels his whole face flush and looks down at his hands wrapped around his milkshake glass. Fucking ouch. “I didn't even know Jimmy had a brother, I've never seen you around campus before.” OK, another blow. Castiel has only sat behind Sam for two years, three months and ten days - not that he's counting. He flushes darker, a squirming feeling settling in the pit of his stomach; is he this invisible? Really? He must look reasonably upset by this news as Sam, alarmed, reaches across the table and grips one of his hands. “I don't think that now! I mean, obviously I don't now, since we're on a date together, but I just…wanted you to know. And now I'm not sure why.”

Silence stretches between them, and Castiel can't find any words to fill it. Sam had sat with him because he thought he was Jimmy. Lively, bubbly, hilarious, handsome Jimmy. Oh, what a disappointment Castiel must be in his wake. He pushes his plate away from him with the hand not trapped in Sam’s, his appetite forgotten. 

“Hey!”

Sam gets up, and for one startling second Cas thinks he's about to leave until Sam sits down next to him in the ooh and nudges him to move up so they have more room. 

“I'm sorry, Cas. I didn't mean to upset you.” Sam takes his hand and waits until Cas grudgingly meets his eyes, heat flaming in his cheeks and a bitter taste of humiliation on his tongue. “But I'm kind of glad you're not him.”

“You are?” Cas isn't sure he believes him. 

“Yeah, of course.” Sam shifts a little closer and slides his arm across the back of the booth, behind Cas’ shoulders. “Because I'm having fun with you, and I can't imagine enjoying myself with your brother in the same way. You're smart, Cas, and funny. I'm having a great time with you.”

Sam is very definitely in Castiel’s personal space now, crowding him, and Cas finds it isn't as unpleasant or unnerving as he thought it would be. He swallows thickly, the scent of Sam’s aftershave invading his senses, and tries to smile. 

“But…if it was my brother you wanted…”

“No, Cas, no way. I just thought I was sitting with him, that's all. It's _you_ I asked on a date. If I wanted to be sitting here with Jimmy, I would be.” There's a flash of thinly-veiled arrogance there that turns Cas off a bit, but Sam’s smile and the glimmer in his beautiful eyes seems so genuine that he melts a little beneath it. “I mean, Jimmy seems cool but,” Sam waves a hand. “Meh. Seen it all before. You're different, Cas. And that's why I like you.”

And that's it for Cas. He does melt, completely, at Sam’s words and the other man slides his arm down to Castiel’s shoulders and pulls their plates towards him. Cas is sure Sam can feel his heart racing but he doesn't care because Sam said he likes him. 

Sam _likes_ him. 

He can't wipe the smile off his face for the rest of the evening, and Sam must notice when he kisses Cas’ cheek and smirks, telling him he’ll call. Walking back to his room feels like floating on air, and he's glad Jimmy isn't in when he opens the door because he doesn't want his twin leaping all over him and demanding to know exactly what happened and why he's so blissfully happy. He just wants to enjoy the feeling, and finds himself already excited for Sam to call. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides*

Cas and Sam have been on three dates now, and Cas really isn’t sure he’s doing everything right. He enjoys Sam’s company a lot, and they seem to have fun together but it’s almost as though the other man’s attention is elsewhere most of the time. Sam seems to sometimes look through him, or his eyes will flick over his shoulder or over Cas’ shoulders, to see if anyone else is around or to smile at his classmates and lecturers. He feels like Sam isn’t really that keen on his company, but at the end of each date Sam has kissed his cheek and asked to see him again. Cas says yes, a bit confused but thrilled, and spends the rest of the evenings telling Jimmy enthusiastically how much fun he’s having and how great he thinks Sam is. With just one catch: he hasn't told Jimmy exactly _who_ he's seeing; Sam’s name hasn't been mentioned once. It's not that Cas doesn't want to tell his brother that he's been on three dates with the most gorgeous, handsome, intelligent man on campus, it's just that…he feels like telling Jimmy might break the spell. Make it real, and in doing so, Sam will wake up and realise that Cas isn't really for him, and Cas really, really does not want that to happen. Sam is giving him a renewed energy, a zest for life he isn't familiar with - even if things do feel a little off. But Cas is sure that's just in his head. First dates are normally a bit awkward, right?

“You’re not falling for him, are you?” Jimmy asks him quietly one evening, from his position reclining on Cas’ bed, and there’s something in his voice that makes his twin turn and eye him warily. “You are. Whoever he is, you're falling for him.”

“No…well, I’m not sure, but why does it matter to you?”

“It’s just…” Jimmy plays with his fingers, frowning at his hands and deliberately avoiding Castiel’s eyes. “I dunno, it’s stupid. Forget it.”

Cas rolls his eyes, closes a couple of Chrome windows and shuts his textbook, and sit down next to his brother on his bed. Jimmy still refuses to look at him, so he whacks him repeatedly on the leg until he does. “What’s the matter?”

“You just haven’t been around much lately,” Jimmy’s voice is uncharacteristically small. “It’s weird.”

“Yeah, Jimmy, I’m, you know, making friends. It's what people are supposed to do."

Cas has to resist the urge to roll his eyes. He knew Jimmy would take it hard when he inevitably (hopefully) found a boyfriend and spent more time with him and less with his twin, but he hadn’t expected this conversation to happen so soon. He and Sam have been out together three times, Cas is unsure if it’s going well or not, and his twin already has an issue with it. Cas should have seen this coming. 

“I know. I’m just used to you always being here, you know?” Jimmy is almost whining at Cas, and it’s ruffling his twin’s feathers. He’s never, _never_ been able to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted and now that he is he has to worry that Jimmy’s feeling all left out and is nursing hurt feelings. 

“Well, things change, Jimmy.” Cas knows he’s being a bit sharp with his brother; Jimmy has always been sensitive and easily hurt by Cas’ tone of voice when he’s angry with him, but he just can’t help himself. “We’re growing up, and when most normal siblings grow up they tend to grow apart. Make their own friends, date people, build separate lives. You’re the one who has been forcing me to go out on a date for, let’s see now, years?”

“Yeah, I know I have.” Jimmy seems to know he’s being unreasonable, but decides to continue in that vein regardless. “I just…I don’t want us to have different lives, Cas. We’ve always done everything together. I don’t want that to change. I don't want us to grow apart." And he sounds so sad that Cas sighs, sits up on the bed next to Jimmy and stretches his legs out, and wraps an arm around his brother. 

“We’ll still do things together, Jimmy. We’ll just do things separately as well. It's not like I'm going anywhere; we've only been out three times! Come on, you’ve got loads of friends. Let me make some of my own?” Silence. “Please?” 

It feels ridiculously childish, to have to beg his brother to allow him to make a friend or two, but he’s used to dealing with Jimmy’s muted tantrums. Jimmy turns on his side, curling into Cas and wrapping an arm around his waist and snuggling. He feels his twin sigh against him, and Cas gives in and rubs Jimmy’s shoulder soothingly.

“Just don’t forget about me, all right? While you're all smitten in your new-found mystery romance.” Jimmy giggles, still snuffling a little but sounding happier. “So…you kissed him yet?”

“Jimmy?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.” 

Cas smiles as his twin laughs good-naturedly, and they turn back to their textbooks in comfortable silence, still cuddling up to each other. Eventually, Jimmy falls asleep on Cas and he doesn’t have the heart to wake his twin so he disentangles himself, removes Jimmy’s coursework before he lies on it and creases it all, pulls the covers up over his brother and goes to sleep in Jimmy’s bed on the other side of the room. It isn’t as comfortable as his, and Jimmy definitely doesn’t change his sheets as often as he should, but Cas is asleep within minutes to dreams of Sam Winchester.

*

They’re back at Sam’s dorm room, and Cas is nervous as hell. Sam had taken him to a fancy restaurant downtown, bought expensive wine and spent the whole evening focused on Castiel in a warm, welcome change. Cas had flourished under the attention, with the help of an entire bottle of merlot, and he and Sam had laughed their way through three courses and coffee before walking hand-in-hand back to the dorms. Cas had felt something between them, something charged and electric, and he was sure he wasn’t misreading anything when he anticipated Sam being his first kiss, and it happening tonight. Less than ten minutes later, he had been proved absolutely correct. 

Outside their building with the cool evening breeze winding through their hair, Sam had cupped Cas’ jaw and kissed him gently, sweetly, but with underlying intent and Cas had melted against him. The kiss had been slow, sensual, and Sam’s lips had felt perfect against his own. Cas’ skin had tingled deliciously, and Sam had wrapped an arm around his waist to pull him close against him, pulling back for a second to look into Cas’ eyes then going in for another kiss. This time, his tongue flicked out and Cas parted his lips with a sigh. It was the most perfect kiss Cas could imagine, and he ached for another.

Sam had smiled against his mouth, taken his hand and drawn him slowly up three floors to his dorm, all the while stroking Castiel’s hand with his thumb and stopping every few steps to press kisses to his lips and jaw. It had been intoxicating and erotic, but now that the're alone in Sam’s room (single room, Cas isn't jealous, he _isn't_ ) it's very plain what the other man intends, and Cas is internally freaking out a bit. 

The gentle press of Sam’s lips to his outside the dorms had been his first experience of kissing another person, and he had been so shell-shocked that he had barely managed to move to return the gesture. He hoped he was doing it right. Outside and on the stairs, Sam had seemed to think so, but now that they were back in his room something feels off again. Sam seems distracted, and as much as Cas tries to generate some heat and passion in their slow kisses, Sam doesn’t seem to be returning it. His mouth is sweet and gentle, but he’s holding back and almost seems…bored. The word sticks in Castiel’s mind and he feels a rush of nerves combined with looming mortification. If he screws this up, he's sure he will never get over the shame. Just as Cas is beginning to feel needy and embarrassed by his own kisses to Sam’s mouth and neck, Sam reaches for the buttons of Castiel’s shirt and Cas freezes. Every nerve ending in his body starts to scream at him and his brain rears up to tell him to put on the brakes: he isn’t ready for this. Kissing Sam and making out with him is one thing, but Sam’s hands on his chest have clear intent and Cas can’t move to push him away. He so badly doesn’t want to mess this up with Sam. He’s not sure what they have, if they’re dating or boyfriends or something else he can’t identify, but he’s conscious that with his awkwardness and complete lack of social skills Sam could easily get bored and move on to someone else. The logical part of him is shouting loudly, as Sam works the buttons of his shirt until he’s almost at Cas’ stomach, lavishing warm kisses on his neck and sucking light red marks onto his skin; sleeping with Sam just to keep him interested wouldn’t be the right thing to do. He doesn’t want his first time to be shrouded in nerves and anxious doubt about his own self-worth. He knows it won’t be a Hollywood romance, that it will probably be uncomfortable and awkward and he’s sure he won’t do it right, but he does know that he wants to feel wanted. And right now, he doesn’t really feel that wanted. Sam’s interested, but not really into it. Another button is undone, and Cas shudders under the touch. He’s only just had his first kiss this evening, and to take things to the next level feels far too rushed. He can’t let them get carried away; he only hopes that Sam will understand. 

As his hands come up to clasp Sam’s, a shrill sound cuts through the tense silence and Cas exhales a breath he didn’t realise he was holding. Sam sits up abruptly, and Cas instinctively pulls his shirt around him to cover his exposed chest and watches Sam fumble for his phone. He reaches a shaking hand out to touch Sam’s thigh, hoping to draw him back in for more kisses while he tries to work out what to say to explain how he’s feeling about taking things further, but Sam gets up from the bed and walks away, pressing the phone to his ear.

“Hey, Dean. No, you’re not interrupting. No, I wasn’t busy.”

Cas feels something tighten in his chest. His hands suddenly feel cold, and he fastens his shirt quickly, hurt. Sam _is_ busy, with _him_ …isn't he? Or is Cas deluding himself into thinking that the gentle makeout session they had just indulged in was much more than it really was?

“Yeah…yeah…” 

Sam is standing at the window and laughing quietly at something. Cas watches him, feeling forgotten. The room suddenly feels cold and bare, and too big. He wraps his arms around himself awkwardly, wondering if he should leave or wait for Sam to come back to resume whatever it was they had been heading for. 

“So when are you getting here? Thursday? That’s fine, you can crash on the floor in my room. No…no…just been out for dinner…hanging out with Cas…” And Sam’s lips twitch upwards at that as Cas’ heart leaps. Sam thinking of him and smiling is a good thing, surely. Until… "Don’t be mean.” Sam’s voice lowers to a whisper, one that still cuts loudly through the dark room, and Cas tenses. Is Sam talking about him? He _can't_ be, surely... Sam knows he’s in easy earshot, he wouldn't... “He’s not really that…Dean! That’s unfair!” 

 

Sam laughs, hard, and Cas scrambles to his feet as heat floods his cheeks and neck. He's convinced. Sam is laughing at him, in front of him, with this Dean person whoever he may be. And from Sam’s side of the muted conversation, this doesn't sound like the first time Cas has been mentioned, and it’s clear that nothing flattering is being said. There's a chance it's not him they're talking about, but Cas can't see it. He's sure. Sam is laughing at him, as he knew he would do eventually, and he feels his eyes burning. He just didn't think it would happen quite so quickly, or so brutally. 

Crushed, Cas fumbles with the door handle and casts a look back at Sam who gives him a distracted wave and spins to lie down on the bed, phone still pressed to his ear and a grin on his face. Cas retreats, reeling, unable to properly process what had just happened. He and Sam had been for a romantic dinner together, he had been wined and dined and thought they’d had a wonderful time; Sam had invited him back to his dorm and…Cas feels chilled as he realises Sam was probably only after one thing. And that Cas was just a pastime for him, one that he clearly wasn’t that interested in and one he had obviously spoken disparagingly about to his friends. It just...it didn't feel that way. Not at the time. 

A fresh wave of humiliation hits as he considers his classmates laughing at him behind his back, creased with amusement at the dorky Castiel thinking he had something with the gorgeously suave Sam Winchester. He’s so stupid, so deluded, such a fucking idiot. He thought…he thought…

Blinded by bitter, pained tears, Cas clatters down the steps to his own floor, lets himself in to his room which is blissfully empty of Jimmy, and breaks down crying. It isn't until he reaches blindly for the covers that he realises he's curled up on his twin’s bed, and he hugs Jimmy’s pillow tight to his chest as he cries himself to sleep, feeling more alone than he can ever remember. 


	6. Chapter 6

 

Cas wakes up a few hours later to a dry mouth and sore eyes, and realises he's still alone and it's still dark outside. For a second, he can’t remember why it feels as though he cried himself to sleep, then it all comes screaming back. 

Sam. 

Dinner. 

The kiss. 

Sam’s dorm room. 

The phone call…

Shit.

Cas drags Jimmy’s duvet up over his head and sighs. Where the fuck is his brother when he needs him? Oh that's right, Jimmy left the day before for a field trip. A field trip that sounded very much like an excuse to head to the lake a few hours away and party for 48 hours, but Jimmy had been insistent about the academic qualities of the trip. Cas fishes his phone it of the pocket of last night’s jeans and checks the time. A little before 2am, much too early to call Jimmy. He scrubs a hand over his face, feeling raw and dejected, and types out a quick message. 

_How's the trip? Miss me?_

He doesn't expect a reply, and tosses his phone onto Jimmy’s nightstand with the intent of curling up and trying to sleep again, but seconds later it pings with a message. 

**Like a hole in the head. How was the date? Is he any good in bed?**

Cas should laugh. It should be funny. Jimmy is teasing him, as he always does. His twin is very rarely serious when it comes to discussing Castiel's love life (or distinct lack of). But his brother has no idea what had gone on, and Cas just blinks away a fresh wave of humiliated, angry tears and responds, his thumbs tapping feverishly at the screen. 

_Wouldn't know. Not a slut like you._  

**Oh please, I can't help it if I'm in demand.**

Cas doesn't reply. Jimmy is in demand, and it makes him ache all over again at the knowledge that he, very definitely, is not. He doesn't want to sleep around or date half the campus like Jimmy seems to. He just wants someone, one person, to want him the way he wants them. He thought maybe he'd finally found someone who did want him, until last night. And he's pretty convinced now that that person definitely, resolutely, does not feel the same. He's staring at the ceiling, feeling another wave of mortification crush him as he remembers Sam’s laughter. _'Don't be mean...He's not that…'_ That what? Cas isn't what?

**Cas?**

He blinks at his phone, at Jimmy’s message, and can feel the concern radiating through the single word. He replies in kind. 

_Yes?_

**What's wrong?**

_Nothing. Why aren't you asleep?_

**Why aren’t YOU? It's past your bedtime.**  

Again, Cas doesn't respond. This time, Jimmy only waits a beat before sending him a stream of emojis with frowning, puzzled faces, and when he fails to respond to that…

“Jimmy? It's 2am.”

“It's not quite, and you're acting weird. Something's wrong. Tell me?” There's a scuffling sound, the noise of Jimmy padding across the floor and the sound of a door opening and closing. “Cas, what's the matter?”

Cas sighs, sitting up in bed against the wall and hugging Jimmy’s pillow to his chest. “Dunno. Stuff. How's the trip?”

“It's fun.” Jimmy pauses, considering. “Very studious. Academic. Intense. I'm learning a lot…” At Castiel’s muffled laugh, Jimmy gives in. Cas can almost hear the smile down the line. “OK fine, we spent the evening playing cards and demolishing bottles of wine. There's a great vineyard a few miles from here, and we had dinner there.”

“A wine tasting doesn't count as dinner.”

“It absolutely does.” 

Jimmy sounds a little drunk, Cas thinks. Buzzed, not hammered, and for that he's glad. He's had to pick Jimmy up from too many bars and parties when he's had too much to drink and has either passed out or been sick everywhere, and Cas hates thinking of his brother in such a state so far away. He knows he's mothering his twin, but a part of him just can't help it. 

“Did I wake you?”

“No.” More muffled sounds come down the line, and Jimmy’s voice is a bit louder now. “Everyone else is asleep, I was feeding my social media addiction. Now, what's wrong? You can't make small talk with me all night; I know all your avoidance tactics. I'm you, remember? Just a few minutes younger.”

Cas does laugh at that, and he hears Jimmy giggling and snuffling on the other end. He cradles the phone between his ear and shoulder and pulls the duvet tighter, his chest aching. He misses the warmth and smiles of his twin, and it's only been less than a day. To think he was the one chastising Jimmy just a few days ago for being so needy: now Cas is the needy one. 

“Things with mystery man OK?”

And it's hearing the concern in Jimmy’s voice that does it. All the pain and hurt comes streaming back and Cas attempts to hide his sniffles in his sleeve, but Jimmy’s hearing is either too good or he's too attuned to his twin’s emotions. 

“Cas! Don't cry! Please tell me what's wrong!” Jimmy’s alarm is palpable, and Cas swallows as he tries to think where to start. “Castiel Novak, tell me immediately before I get in the car and damn well drive back home and beat it out of you!”

“You sound like mom when you say that.”

“Screw you, I was trying to be dad. Seriously, Cas, what did he do? Do I have to kick his ass?”

Cas hesitates. If Jimmy had been in when he had got home, no doubt he would have spilled his guts, cried on his twin’s shoulder, and talked Jimmy out of going to find Sam to give him a piece of his mind. Jimmy’s protective, feisty side does tend to come out wherever Cas is concerned, particularly if he thinks someone has intentionally upset his brother. And he wants to tell his twin, he really does, but something is stopping him. Something that brings a lump to his throat: humiliation. He's always told Jimmy everything. But now, this time, it doesn't feel like the right thing to do. It feels like telling Jimmy will make it hurt even more, and that Jimmy’s apparent perception of Cas as a socially awkward loser will just be cemented. 

In broken, slow sentences he tells his twin some of what happened. He tells him about his first kiss - Jimmy whoops, then seems to remember something's wrong and quietens - and he tells him about his discomfort at going any further with ‘mystery man’. He mentions the awkwardness and the feeling of Sam being bored. Then, after that, he tails off and can't seem to bring himself to discuss the phone call. The hurt is still too raw. And, he supposes, there's a chance Sam wasn't talking about him. But there's an even bigger chance that he was, and Cas doesn't want to admit to his sassy, effortless brother that the first real date he's ever had potentially bad-mouthed and laughed at him from only a few feet away. No, that painful memory is best kept to himself. 

Jimmy makes appropriate noises of sympathy and understanding, and says ‘well, it just sounds like you're maybe not compatible; don't worry, Cas, we've all been on dates with people and found it hasn't worked out, it happens’ and at that Cas snuffles into the phone, tears pricking again. He wants to hear that it will work out, that he just needs to get over himself or something and that it will all be fine with Sam. But Jimmy is the experienced one when it comes to relationships and dating, so he's a pretty good frame of reference. Cas sighs; Jimmy hears it and cracks a joke or two that make his twin smile through his tears. 

“You'll be OK, big brother. Plenty more fish in the sea. Maybe see what he has to say on the subject, it might make you feel better. Talk to him tomorrow. But if it doesn't work out, it's all right. There will be someone else.” 

Jimmy’s tone is uncharacteristically gentle, soothing his brother’s aching soul just with his words. Cas can almost hear Jimmy’s gentle smile from the other end of the line. He feels stupid and pathetic and small when he says ‘you promise?’

“Of course. Hey, Cas?”

“What?”

“Miss you.”

“Mmm. Hey, Jimmy?

“Yeah?”

“Miss you too.”

Cas smiles. Jimmy always knows how to make it right. 

*

Cas eventually falls asleep again, still on the phone while his twin rambles off on a tangent about nothing much, and Jimmy waits until he hears his brother’s slow, even breathing down the line before ending the call. It’s something they do a lot if they’re apart: talk on the phone until one or both of them eventually fell asleep. It’s usually Jimmy who struggles to sleep without his twin, and he wouldn't admit it to Cas but the reason he was still awake and scrolling through his phone is because he knew he wouldn't be able to drop off. Jimmy doesn't do well without Cas at his side, within reach, for long periods of time, and even a few days off on a field trip feels like forever. 

As he wanders back inside, towards his room, he feels a stab of annoyance at his brother’s mystery man, for making Cas feel bad. His brother deserves to be happy; Jimmy has waited his whole life for it, and it's about time it happened. But at the same time he can't stop a hint of a smile crossing his lips. Cas may be into this guy, like really into him, but who is it he speaks to at 2am when he's alone and needs someone?

Jimmy. 

And that isn't going to change. 


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel has every intention of talking to Sam the next day. He really does. He knows that his twin is right, that talking to Sam will bring some clarity one way or the other. He hopes that he and the other student can make something work, that they just got off to a rocky start and that they can patch things up and go out again, but in his heart he feels like he’s kidding himself. It’s too good to be true, really: gorgeous, intelligent, popular Sam Winchester and the loser Castiel. They were never destined for success. He should probably speak to Sam first thing, right? Get it all out of the way, then he can concentrate on his studies and try to get over this crushing feeling of heartbreak which is currently eating him up from the inside. 

But when he wakes up late with a pounding headache and feeling sick to his stomach, it seems like the perfect excuse to skip class and hide under a mountain of blankets all day. I mean, nobody can get mad at him for not being in class and facing a potentially awkward discussion with the guy he's completely smitten with if he's sick, right? He hauls the covers over his face, inhaling the comforting scent of his twin, and sighs long and loud. It’s cowardly, hiding away, but it feels a lot easier than running into Sam when he still has no idea really what to say and would probably just blush and squawk out something unintelligible in his current state of intense anxiety.

It's a blessing that Jimmy isn't around. He would see straight through Cas’ plaintive ‘my head hurts’ nonsense and kick him out of the dorm before Cas could even formulate a proper argument. Cas wakes up to a few sweet texts from his brother, reminding him to smile and that everything will be all right, and he feels better in spite of himself. He stumbles down to the kitchen and makes himself a cup of strong coffee with two sugars, and that seems to help as well. He collapses back on his twin’s bed and resigns himself to an unproductive day, and likely hours of thinking too intensely about Sam and overanalysing everything that happened the previous night. He checks his phone, texts Jimmy for a while, then naps again until noon.

When he wakes up, his cheeks are wet with tears and he realises as he scrubs hatefully at them that he’s been crying in his sleep. He had been dreaming about his childhood with Jimmy, a memory of them playing in their treehouse, but then the scene had warped and changed and he was in Sam’s dorm room with Jimmy and they were both pointing and laughing at him, telling him he was pathetic and that he would never have any friends but his textbooks. Then the pile of books on the dresser started to talk, insulting Castiel’s intelligence and calling him names, and that’s when he wakes up with quiet, broken little sobs that sound pathetic even to his ears. He lies and stares at the ceiling, unhappy and lonely, and tries not to think about Sam. Beautiful, attractive, sweet Sam, who has broken his heart so badly and possibly doesn’t even realise yet. It’s for the best, he tells himself. He doesn’t deserve someone like Sam anyway.

Cas languishes in bed for most of the day, feeling miserable and heartsick, making his way through Netflix and a couple of novels he had been meaning to finish. It occurs to him that it’s actually been a long time since he wasted a day doing not much, since all his time is dedicated to studying and academic extra-curricular activities, and he's feeling marginally better by the time the evening comes around. He's stopped sniffling, at any rate. Jimmy will be back soon, they can maybe go out and grab something to eat, and his brother can give him a pep talk to help him sort through his feelings and prepare for talking to Sam in lectures the next morning. He can also force Cas out of bed and out of the door the next morning to ensure he actually talks to Sam and gets this over and done with. 

He's just flicking to the final page of his novel when he hears an unfamiliar knock at the door. He frowns, waits a moment in case whoever is out there has got the wrong door and realises, but when another knock comes he sighs, closes his book and goes to answer it. He pulls the door open, and…

“Oh.” The stranger in the doorway couldn't look less enthused to see Cas; he's got a scrap of paper in his hand and a rucksack slung over one shoulder and definitely does not look like he belongs at Stanford. Cas has to remember to breathe for just a second because _wow_ this guy is soul-wrenchingly handsome. He suddenly feels self-conscious in his plaid pyjama bottoms and white Henley, and shifts awkwardly from one foot to the other. “You're not who I'm looking for.” Well, if that isn't the story of Castiel’s life. “I'm sorry, I think I've got the wrong room. I'm looking for my brother.” He gives Cas a quirky smile which reaches his eyes, then turns to go. “Sorry to have bothered you.”

“Wait!” 

Cas steps forward, hand still on the doorknob with no real idea of what he's about to say. He just wants another chance to gaze into the shimmering emerald jewels masquerading as the guy’s eyes. “I, um,” Words, Castiel, _words_ , come _on_. Any words will do! The guy is giving him a quizzical look, and as Cas falters with what to say he feels the stranger’s eyes roaming over him with…is that appreciation?

“Yeah?”

The guy has turned back to Cas, and is leaning on the doorframe now with one arm up above his head, crowding into Castiel’s space and Cas is assaulted with the heady scent of oil, whiskey, leather and cologne. There are only a few inches separating them and Cas knows he should probably step back to create some space but damn if this guy isn't intoxicating. And he seems to know it. A sly, flirtatious smile works its way onto his face and Cas can't help but take I the two-day old stubble and the fine lines around his eyes that make him look rugged, not old. He must be a few years Cas’ senior, four or maybe five, and he is surely without a doubt the most incredible person ever to set foot on Stanford turf. Cas realises he hasn't drawn breath for a couple of seconds and when he does, it comes as a low gasp that he's sure the stranger must have heard. 

“Are you…do you go here?”

“What, to _Stanford_?” The guy barks out an incredulous laugh, his eyes sparkling as he does so. “No way. I ain't smart enough to go here. My brother got the brains,” He subtly flexes the muscles of the arm against the door. “I got the brawn.”

“Oh. Right.” Cas’ mouth feels drier than the Gobi desert. “Are you just visiting then?”

Why on Earth he's trying to strike up a conversation, Castiel doesn't know. What is he expecting will happen? He will charm the guy with his charisma and quick wit and suddenly they'll be best pals? Unlikely. That scenario would only happen to someone like Jimmy. 

“Yeah, staying for the summer. Is there much to do around here?”

“Plenty.” Well, the guy doesn't seem to be in any hurry to leave, which is a nice change for Cas. “Depends what you're into?”

“Lots of things. Cars, music, hiking, playing pool, good food, places to drink…I bet for a student town there are some great bars, right?”

“Oh - definitely. Yes!” Not that Cas has ever been to any of them. You need friends for that sort of thing. “There are…some really good ones. Good…vibes. Lots of people. And drinks. And pool. I think.” _Fuck, stop talking Castiel._

“Awesome. Well, as nice as it's been chatting to you,” And there it is, that appraising once-over again, the one that makes Cas feel like the handsome stranger can see straight through his clothes to his naked skin underneath, and makes him shiver. “I’d better go. Maybe I'll see you around?”

“Yeah,” Coherent conversation fails Castiel. “Maybe.”

_I hope so…_

Cas closes the door on the guy’s retreating back and slightly bow-legged gait, realising belatedly that they hadn’t exchanged names, turns and slumps against the wall and closes his eyes. He’s almost breathless from their brief exchange, despite it only lasting all of three minutes, and endorphins borne of intense attraction are coursing through him in a dizzying rush, clearing his mind of all coherent thoughts except for one unanswered question:

_Who the fuck was that?_


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fixed a glaring error in this chapter that somehow managed to pass me by, so for those of you who noticed I apologise greatly...although it may not become obvious until future chapters!

_Hey, Cas. You free for half an hour before class? Think we should talk._

And there it is. The text message from Sam that he hoped wouldn't come, but it has. Cas has woken up to it, and his heart has dropped into his feet before he's even fully awake. Jimmy is snoring softly next to him, facing away towards the wall - _next to him_ , why and when did that happen? - and Cas feels, in one word, crappy. He's not sure whether or not he does it on purpose, on some subconscious I-need-company level, but he shifts onto his back and his elbow collides with Jimmy’s hip. His twin wriggles and reaches behind him to push Cas away.

“Why are you in my bed?”

“I think you'll find _you're_ in _my_ bed, Jimmy. Any particular reason for it?”

Cas reads Sam’s text again, feeling low and hollow. He may not have gone beyond dipping his toes in the dating pool, but he knows what a ‘we need to talk’ text means. It means Sam doesn't want to see Cas again. And that really, really hurts. Cas knew it was coming, call it a sixth sense, especially following his chat with Jimmy about it all, but that doesn't ease the tidal wave of hurt coursing through him. He shoves his phone under his pillow and turns to lie on his side to find his brother has also turned over and is staring straight back at him. Blushing, Jimmy drops his gaze to his hands, which are in front of his face and he's picking at a rough nail. He looks tired, Cas thinks, like he's barely slept.

“You OK?”

“Yeah,” Jimmy nods. “Just…rough night.”

“Why?”

Jimmy shrugs, the movement pulling the covers off Castiel and he drags them back irritably; the room is chilly with he air con on so low. “Bad dreams.”

“Oh.” And Cas understands. Jimmy has always suffered from very realistic nightmares, he supposes you could call them night terrors, and though he rarely has them these days they tend to really affect him when they do come. His twin blushes a bit more and Cas awkwardly embraces him in a one-armed hug; Jimmy buries his face in Castiel’s chest in response. He's always been the more affectionate one, and never turns down the opportunity for a cuddle.

“You were gone, Cas.” Jimmy’s voice is muffled against his brother’s t-shirt, and Cas rubs his back soothingly. “I was on my own.”

“It was just a dream, Jimmy, it's not real. It's never going to be real.”

“It is!” Jimmy fists his hands in Cas’ shirt, shoving himself closer to his brother and almost entangling them together. Cas ends up pretty much underneath his twin, arms wrapped around his waist, and waits for Jimmy to catch his breath and speak again. “It is, you said it yourself! We’ll grow up and grow apart, that's what you said, Cas. And I know it's going to happen one day, but I can't bear the thought of someone taking you away from me. I know it's selfish,” Cas huffs at this and Jimmy whacks him. “And immature and stupid. But I really can't help it, and when I start dreaming of losing you it just…it really screws me up, Cas. You're my favourite person. And I don't want things to change.”

Cas should have known this would crop up again. It does, every so often; Jimmy isn't as secure and confident as he makes out, but only Castiel knows this. Most of the time, he's fine. But occasionally, a severe case of separation anxiety rears its head and Jimmy falls apart. The dreams are either a product or a cause, and more often than not Cas has to spend a while comforting his twin and reassuring him that he's never leaving, that he's loved, and that Cas likes him. That's Jimmy’s biggest fear: Cas growing to dislike him. After Jimmy got into Stanford, they'd had one of the biggest arguments of their lives, and Cas recalls not speaking to his twin for almost three days - a lifetime, where they're concerned. In the end, Jimmy had woken Cas up in the night, sobbing, and saying that if Cas really didn't want him at Stanford then he wouldn't go, but that he just couldn't bear being separated from his twin. Cas got it, back then, and he gets it now. They're a pair. They belong together. Mostly.

“I don't either.” Cas gives in, and snuggles down under the blankets with his twin. He normally keeps Jimmy kind of at arms length, slight twinges of discomfort pulling at him whenever Jimmy becomes too affectionate. They're adults now, and snuggling with someone who isn't your partner isn't exactly normal. But, he reflects as Jimmy sighs against his chest, neither of them have ever been exactly normal to begin with. “And hey, things probably aren't going to change anyway, at least not now. Sa...Mystery man text me…he wants to talk.” A tremor seeps into Castiel’s voice and he cringes at himself. He needs to be strong about this. Sam is just a guy, after all; plenty more fish in the sea. Jimmy lifts his head and meets his twin’s eyes, blue reflecting blue.

“He said that?”

Cas nods.

“Oh.” Jimmy looks disgruntled, apologetic almost. “I'm sorry, Cas.”

“‘S OK. All good things come to an end, right?” Cas laughs and it only sounds a tad bitter. “At least it was fun while it lasted.” Sort of.

“Yeah.” Jimmy cuddles down again, checking the time on the digital clock. “Another ten minutes?”

“Sure.”

“Love you, Cas.”

“I know.”

*

“Hey, Cas.”

The first thing that crosses Castiel’s anxious mind upon seeing Sam’s smiling face is that maybe he isn't here to break up with him. He looks so calm, chilled even, and Cas relaxes minutely. Maybe he read into the text message too much? Maybe ‘we should talk’ just meant…talking. Sam slings his rucksack down next to Cas’ and sits opposite him at the picnic bench. It's nice weather, and the sun feels good on Cas’ skin. His in a black v-neck t-shirt and shades, which he's using half to protect his eyes from the sun but also half to help him hide away, because he feels like this isn't a conversation he wants to have.

“How you doing?”

“I'm fine, Sam. How are you?”

“I'm good. Great. Hey, did you finish that assignment for Crowley’s class tomorrow? I'm sure I'm going to fail that one.”

“Yeah…I did finish it.” Deflecting. Never a good sign. “Sam, is Crowley’s assignment the reason you wanted to talk to me this morning?”

Sam exhales and looks down at his hands. He clearly thought he would be able to continue in the assignments conversation for longer than this, but Cas is in no mood to skirt around the issue between them. He knows Sam doesn't want to talk about school, he's not an idiot. He's had very little sleep in the last two nights, and he's exhausted from comforting Jimmy when all he wants to do is curl up and care for himself. He just wants this sorted, one way or another.

“No, Cas, I didn't want to talk about the assignment. I thought…I think we should talk about us.” Sam runs a hand through his hair and takes a long drink from his water bottle, stalling for time. “I'm just…I'm not sure we should see each other any more.”

“Oh.” Cas can find nothing more eloquent than that to say, because hearing Sam speak the words he knew were coming still feels like a knife to the chest. “I…oh. I'm…all right.”

“All right?” Sam huffs out a laugh and visibly relaxes. “Wow, OK man, I'm glad we’re on the same page. I was really worried this would be awkward, you know?”

“I…I know.” Cas stares down at his hands, very thankful for his shades. His eyes are clouding with tears and he tries bitterly to force them back, angry at Sam and angry at himself.

“I mean, we've only been out a couple of times,” _Four_ times, Cas thinks bitterly. “And I just don't feel like we quite…clicked, you know? Lie we don't quite have that spark. Do you know what I mean?”

 _Don't have that spark?_ Cas has to choke down a sarcastic laugh. _You were trying to get into my pants, Sam Winchester; either you're deluded, I'm deluded, or I was just a conquest for you and when I walked away you lost interest. One of the three._

“I'm sorry anyway, man. I hope we can be friends?”

Sam looks so hopeful, like an eager puppy that all Cas can do is nod and mutter ‘sure’ even though the word feels like it's choking him. Sam exhales in apparent relief, takes a sip from his water bottle and appears to be thinking something over. Cas gathers his things slowly, assuming the conversation over, but freezes when Sam speaks again.

“Cas,” Sam stops, and looks incredibly awkward as he runs a hand through his hair and won't meet Castiel’s eyes. What he could possibly be feeling awkward about, Cas just can't work out since the damage is already done and he's keen to curtail the conversation and retreat to lick his wounds in peace. There can't be much more Sam can say to make him feel worse than he currently does. But then… “I know it might be really weird for you, and you can absolutely say no and I'll respect that. But…I just wondered…would it be OK if I asked out your brother, Jimmy?”


	9. Chapter 9

Jimmy is late for class, again. He's perpetually late for everything, and he decided a long time ago that it just happens to be an unfortunate aspect of his personality, that there's really nothing he can do about it, so why try to change it?

He's brushing his teeth idly, thinking about what to do at the weekend and wondering how Castiel’s chat with his mystery boyfriend has gone. He's sent his brother two texts and received no reply, which means one of two things: it went fine and Cas is now in class ignoring him, or that it went terribly and Cas is either in class ignoring him or holed up in the library hiding from the world. He knows his twin’s idiosyncrasies like the back of his hand. He sends Cas another text, one-handed while he finishes brushing his teeth, spits and rinses his mouth, then checks for a reply. Still nothing. 

It takes him another fifteen minutes to shower, dress, father his belongings for class, and by the time he's actually on campus and walking down the hall to his first class of the day, he's missed more than half of it. He smirks at the thought of Cas chastising him, and checks his phone again. Nothing. He frowns at it, wondering if he should text him again, but resolves to call him in their breaktime instead, and if Cas doesn't answer then he will just have to hunt him down somehow. If he has time: he's really behind on some of his school work and should probably apply himself a little more. 

Jimmy, in his own little world, rounds a corner without paying attention to his surroundings and walks straight into a tall guy carrying a pile of books and a cup of coffee. If God had been smiling on Jimmy, they both would have stumbled, the other guy would have miraculously caught everything he was holding, and they would have laughed awkwardly and moved on with their lives. But today just isn't Jimmy's day. They collide fairly spectacularly, and the guy’s books go crashing to the floor and the coffee cup seems to fall in slow motion, to land on top of them. Thankfully, it was less than half full but the mess is…elaborate. 

“Fuck. _Shit_. Sorry.”

Jimmy normally isn't one to blush, but he can feel his cheeks colouring as he stands there, shocked, watching the guy groan and bend down to rescue his belongings. It takes almost a full minute, and the guy looking up with a glare to say ‘are you going to help, or what?’ for Jimmy to snap into action, and he kneels down to help round up the wet, coffee-stained books and paperwork. 

“Shit, sorry man. I guess I didn't see you there.”

“I guess you didn’t.” 

Irritated, the guy looks up and brushes his floppy dark hair out of his eyes to look straight at Jimmy, and as their gazes lock the Novak twin feels a frisson of attraction jolt through him. Damn, this guy is hot. He hands him a book and a ruined pad of paper and says ‘I'm Jimmy, by the way. In case you wanted to know the name of the ass who walked into you.” 

“Yeah, I know- I mean, I'm Sam. Sam Winchester.” The guy blushes a deep crimson, and Jimmy arches an eyebrow. 

“You _know_?”

“I've just...I've seen you around campus, that's all. You're friends with some of my friends. And…now I sound like a stalker.” Sam blushes even more, if that's possible, and Jimmy laughs and nudges him on the shoulder lightly. 

"You kinda do. What are you studying?" Jimmy picks up another wet book, shakes it off and hands it to Sam with a slightly sheepish smile. "Sorry about that."

"It's OK. I'm studying pre-law, and I _was_ on my way to class but I should probably stop and clean up first." Sam smirks at Jimmy, who relaxes instantly. He's not being blamed entirely for the coffee-spill catastrophe, luckily for him. Because Sam is _cute_. 

"Oh, cool. My brother is on that course." Jimmy fishes a packet of potato chips out of his bag, suddenly starving and realising he forgot to have breakfast. He offers one to Sam, who shakes his head with a slightly strange expression on his handsome face. 

“So…your brother…is Castiel, right?”

“Yeah,” Jimmy pops another chip into his mouth and chews thoughtfully, before connecting the dots: this is the guy from Cas’ classes. “Oh hey, you're _that_ Sam!”

“Right.” The guy blushes prettily, making Jimmy smile. “So...he told you, huh?”

“Oh yeah, you've come up.” Jimmy can't help but smirk. He's _sure_ Cas has mentioned Sam before, in the past, as being the hottest guy in his class. Now, in the flesh, he absolutely agrees. And Sam is very clearly smart, too. Well, how can Jimmy resist a bit of casual flirting? 

“I bet I have,” the guy, Sam, gives a bit of a humourless laugh, one which Jimmy assumes is arrogance about his admittedly spectacular good looks, and as a bell rings somewhere he smiles at Jimmy almost regretfully. “Better go. Maybe catch you around some time?”

“Maybe.” Jimmy crunches another mouthful of chips and grins, turning to walk away before glancing back over his shoulder flirtatiously. “If you're lucky.”

Now _that_ was worth being late to class for. 

*

When Jimmy arrives back to their dorm later on that evening, after Cas has ignored all his calls and texts, he finds the room empty and a post-it stuck to his laptop screen with two words written in Castiel's neat script: Gone out. The two words tell him absolutely nothing, but Jimmy has a sneaking suspicion, one that is immediately confirmed as soon as he pulls open his desk drawer: his fake ID is gone.

*

"Another?"

The bartender eyes Castiel's almost-empty bottle, and gets a shrug and a nod in response. The student is morose, slumped over the bar and has already got through three beers in less than an hour. He's clearly had a bad day. The bartender isn't completely convinced that the ID he used is genuine, but he's serving him anyway. No doubt one of the snooty bars near his campus would refuse, but it's quiet tonight and he could do with the dollar. 

Cas sips his drink soulfully, feeling dejected and used. He had managed somehow to get to all his classes, but can't remember a single word of what was said or what he's written down. He suspects his notes are just waffle and nonsense, barely-legible, but he can't bring himself to care. He barely remembers any part of his day past his conversation with Sam; it has gone by n a confused, angry blur and he's ready to finish his drink, head home and collapse in bed. Thank God it's the weekend tomorrow; he can lie in, laze about with Jimmy, and lick his wounds. He picks at the label on the bottle with one hand, and bites the fingernails on the other. He feels, in one word, _shit_.

"Jack Daniels, neat. Double."

The barstool next to him creaks as someone takes a seat, and it takes Cas a minute in his pleasantly inebriated state to realise that someone is occupying the space directly next to him, when the bar is mostly empty and there are plenty of other free tables and chairs. That voice sounds incredibly familiar...

"I thought it was you." There's a smile in that voice, and Cas turns automatically to stare into sparkling emerald eyes frames by laughter lines, and a dazzling white smile. A smile that fades a bit when the guy takes in Castiel's frown and downturned mouth. "Wow. Bad day?"

"Yeah, pretty much." Cas sips his beer and tries to wipe the frown from between his eyes. He was right: it's the cute guy who turned up at his door the other day, and he can already feel his heart beating a little faster. Damn, he knew he was hot but _wow_. Up close, and in the dim, sultry light of the bar, he's _gorgeous_. Maybe it's the few drinks he's had, maybe it's Jimmy’s confidence rubbing off on him, or maybe he's just maxed out on his embarrassment scale thanks to Sam and doesn't give a damn any more, but the next words out of his mouth surprise him incredibly. “But I think it's about to get a lot better.”

Is that…did he just…is he _flirting_ with this guy? Uh oh, Cas, time to put the brakes on, you're no good at this. Stick to your books.  

He shushes his inner monologue and chances a glance up at the man next to him, and feels a ripple of mixed pleasure and nerves to see him grinning back at him, displaying perfect white teeth and the crinkles at the corners of his eyes. 

“Yeah? Well, that's good to know. I'm Dean,” he extends a hand and Cas takes it slowly, feeling a jolt in his stomach as their skin touches. 

“C-Cas.”

“Well, C-Cas,” Dean is smiling at him; there's no malice in his eyes as he ribs Cas gently about stammering his own name. “Can I get you another?”

“Um, sure. Please. That would be good.”

“I guess this is one of those esteemed drinking establishments we talked about.” Dean signals the bartender and orders another beer for Cas, and another JD for himself. “Jukebox, pool table, the smell of bacon cheeseburgers in the air…what more could a guy want?”

That grin is infectious, and Cas finds himself smiling along with Dean. The pang of hurt in his chest from his earlier conversation with Sam, the way they’d left things, and the resultant hiding in the library he's done all day seems to be twisting, fading slowly into the background to be replaced with a warm glow. Dean is cute, friendly, and he doesn't seem to be waiting for someone else to show up so he can get away from Cas and get on with his night. In fact, he seems _interested_ in Cas.

“Fancy a game?” Dean inclines his glass towards the pool table, and waits for Cas’ hesitant nod. 

“I'm not very good. My brother is better.” Story of his life. 

“Doesn't matter; I can teach you.” Dean hops off his bar stool and extends a hand to Cas, which he takes after only a moment’s hesitation, letting Dean help him down from the stool but wasn't a necessary gesture: the stool wasn't particularly high and Cas isn't normally clumsy, but it makes Cas’ breath come just a little faster, especially when Dean squeezes his hand just a fraction before letting go. 

“I'll rack ‘em. I'll even let you win one.” Dean winks, and Cas can't help but smile. 


	10. Chapter 10

They have _so_ much fun together. Dean beats Cas at pool four times, and lets Cas win twice. Cas smiles and laughs so hard at Dean’s jokes that his cheeks and jaw end up sore. He didn't drink much more because he doesn't want to end up sick or passed out (a la Jimmy), but he spends the evening pleasantly tipsy enough to let down some of his walls and inhibitions, and to let himself enjoy Dean’s company. He forgets to check his phone completely, and later when Dean is hanging up the pool cues and grabbing both their jackets, he fishes it out to see six missed calls from Jimmy and a bunch of text messages.

**Where are you?**

**Cas? Are you OK?**

**Cassssss.**

**Cas. You stole my fake ID and now you're missing. Am I in an episode of CSI or something? Come home.**

**CASTIEL SHOW YOURSELF.**

**Cas, I'm worried, please answer your phone.**

**Answer your damn phone before I send out a search party!!!**

**Cas? You there?**

**Cas. Please.**

Shit. He scrolls back further to see a trail of messages from Jimmy throughout the day, all unanswered, and feels a pang of guilt. He has avoided his brother on purpose, and it really isn't Jimmy’s fault. It's not his brother’s fault that Sam wants to ask him out. And it certainly isn't Jimmy’s fault that Cas sucks so badly with dating, men, and conversations in general that he just bolted without really answering Sam’s question and cried in the locker room for ten minutes. None of it is Jimmy’s fault, and Cas suddenly feels bad for ignoring him all day. It's clear he's worried.

He's about to press the call button when Dean’s arm, warm and heavy and protective, comes around his shoulder and suddenly he's pressed against the other man’s side and hyper-aware of how good he smells.

“So do you normally drink alone, or did I just get lucky tonight?” Dean’s voice is a low drawl, rich and gravelly, and it sends a spike of excitement through Cas straight to his groin. And to his heart, but he ignores that particular ill-advised feeling.

“No…you got lucky.”

“Oh really?” Dean nuzzles Castiel’s neck, just below his ear, as they walk out of the bar into the balmy night, and Cas shivers, giggling quietly.

“Do you normally drink alone?” Cas, buoyed by alcohol and the excitement of having such an incredibly hot guy fawning all over him, is flirting. “Or am I the lucky one? Right place, right time?”

Dean stops suddenly, and Cas’ stomach jolts as he thinks he's said the wrong thing, but suddenly he's being pushed back against the wall of a nearby shop and Dean is crowding close into his personal space, one forearm braced up high on the wall just by Castiel’s head, and the other hand stroking circles onto his hip and gripping just tight enough for it to be delicious.

“Maybe we’re both lucky,” Dean purrs, and he's so close to Castiel that their lips are only inches apart. _Is this real…?_ His brain supplies, feebly. _Is Dean going to…?_

And Dean does. He pressed his lips to Castiel’s, and the world stops spinning for a moment or two. Cas knees almost buckle, but Dean presses his body in and helps keep him up, his hand coming to crook under Cas’ jaw as he explores his lips with sweet, hot, closed-mouth kisses. Cas can barely remember how to breathe, as his hands fist in the back of Dean’s shirt just above his waistband; Dean rocks his hips gently into Cas’ groin, dragging the hard line of his very erect cock against Cas’ own, and his lips part helplessly against the sensual onslaught. Dean is an _amazing_ kisser.

Nearby, someone wolf-whistles and they break apart with breathless laughter. Dean’s green eyes are glittering and electrified, and he's gazing down at Cas as though he could eat him whole. He presses a few warm, soft, restrained kisses to Cas’ jaw then one final one to his mouth, and moves away regretfully, running a hand through his hair.

“Damn, you sure know how to get a guy going.”

Cas, slumped against the wall, can only pant and laugh breathily, and Dean gives him a megawatt grin, sliding an arm behind his shoulders and hauling him up against his side. He kisses Cas neck again as they start walking, and it takes them a very, very long time to get back to campus. They push open the door to Cas’ dorm building, laughing and giggling like teenage schoolgirls, and Dean presses Cas against the nearest wall for another incredible kiss. He explores the depths of Cas’ mouth slowly, languidly, and it’s all Cas can do to grip Dean’s shirt and hold on for the ride. His brain short-circuits and all he can feel, smell and taste is Dean, until a shout from the stairs breaks the spell and they pull apart guiltily. Well, Cas is guilty; Dean just moves to kissing Cas’ neck instead, and Cas can't stop his giggles.

“ _Castiel_!”

It's Jimmy, standing on the stairs, barefooted in plaid pyjama bottoms and a grey t-shirt with AC/DC emblazoned on the front (and it belongs to Cas), his hair standing up in every direction and his lit-up phone in his hand, and he looks livid.

“Where _the_ _fuck_ have you been?”

“Uh oh…” Dean breathes against Cas’ neck. “I think you upset your mom…”

And Cas can't help it: he bursts out laughing, which makes Dean laugh in turn against his exposed throat, and Jimmy just stands there, glaring in horrified fury. It's such a strange juxtaposition, Cas stumbling in late with a guy and Jimmy freaking out, that Cas can't stop giggling and Dean pulls back to grin at him before pecking him on the mouth and regretfully pulling away. Cas doesn't dare look at his brother: instead, he watches Dean, mesmerised as Dean makes a show of lifting Cas’ hand and pressing a kiss to his knuckles.

“Maybe I'll see you another night. I know where you live, remember?”

And then, with a wink and a smile, Dean saunters past an aghast-looking Jimmy and up the stairs, and the twins are left alone in the entrance hall staring silently at each other. Jimmy opens his mouth to speak; Cas bursts out laughing and can't stop.

*

“You had me fucking worried _sick_!”

Jimmy laments pretty constantly at Cas, striding back and forth across their room as Cas stumbles about and changes for bed. He's either drunker than he thought, or the evening air and Dean’s kisses have sent him spiralling into giddiness. It's probably a potent and pleasurable mixture of the two. Eventually he collapses into bed, but before he can pull the duvet over himself he finds an armful of Jimmy practically on top of him, a pseudo-blanket.

“Why didn't you text me? I was seriously worried, Cas. This is all…so not you. What the hell happened?” Jimmy pushes himself up onto his elbows and stares down at his brother with as serious an expression as he can manage. “And I want my fake ID back.”

“Sure, sure, you can have it.” Cas throws one arm above his head, bent at the elbow, and strokes Jimmy’s arm absently with the other. He feels more relaxed and more confident and sure of himself than he ever has before, and it's a thrilling feeling. This must be what Jimmy feels like every time he goes out with someone he likes. It's…addictive. Cas already wants to see Dean again.

“So…” In turn, Jimmy is tracing circles onto the fabric of Cas’ sleep t-shirt. “I'm guessing that was Mystery Man? You sorted everything out? Because I have to say, Cas,” A conspiratorial smirk tugs at Jimmy’s lips. “And don't think I'm not still pissed at you, because I am. But he was fucking _gorgeous._ I don't think I've ever been so jealous! Where the hell did you find him?”

Cas sighs heavily, the memory of his stilted, shameful, humiliating conversation with Sam tugging at him, and he opens his mouth to tell Jimmy that no, actually that _isn't_ Mystery Man, that Mystery Man _dumped_ him this morning and the guy Jimmy just saw Cas making out with is someone _totally_ different, someone Cas is already hopelessly smitten with and they've only spoken _twice_ and he _knows_ it's crazy and _so_ not like him but he's had _so_ much fun, and he just wants to…

It's too complicated. Jimmy will freak out, ask too many questions, and Cas is too high on his night with Dean and how it ended. So when Jimmy nudges him and asks again if Dean was his secret date…

“Yeah, Jimmy.” Cas pulls his brother down to wrap his arms around him in a hug, so he can avoid looking into his twin’s eyes while he lies to him. “That was him. And he's fucking incredible.”


	11. Chapter 11

The next few days go off without incident. Cas goes to his classes and somehow manages to avoid running into Sam. He sees him, of course, from across the lecture hall, but they both tactfully ensure their paths don't cross. He's still smarting over their breakup, but the plus seems to be that Sam knows not to come over and try to talk to him, and he clearly hasn't made a move on his brother. That would be…that would hurt. He convinces himself that it won't happen, that Sam has both the brains and the heart not to do that to him, and instead spends a lot of time thinking about Dean.

Dean, who had made him smile and laugh and had seemed completely taken with him. Dean, who was so handsome it shouldn't be legal. Dean, who he’s dying to see again, who he can't sleep for thinking about, who made him feel…worth something.

Then, one idle afternoon, Jimmy comes home early from a lecture practically dancing, flops down on Cas’ bed next to him, dislodging the textbooks Cas is working through, and sighs dramatically. He almost has hearts in his eyes.

“Guess what, Cas? Guess who I'm going on a date with?”

Cas’ heart plummets and for a second he forgets to draw breath. Surely not…

“ _Sam_. _Winchester_.” Jimmy enunciates both words carefully, reverently, and looks up at his twin with an expectant, thrilled expression. Cas can only stare back in horror.

*

"You're...with...with Sam?"

"Yeah." Jimmy frowns. "Why? Is that weird for you, me dating a guy from your classes?" Jimmy turns to lie on his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows to look at Cas properly. "I know you think he's hot, Cas, but you can't call dibs, especially when you have your own thing going on with an equally hot guy."

Jimmy smirks and winks, but it does nothing to ease the tension flooding Castiel. His twin doesn't get it, not at all, and how the _fuck_ is Cas meant to navigate his way through this? And while he's asking things, what the _fuck_ is Sam doing asking Jimmy out? He told him not to...didn't he? Shit. Cas can't remember; the morning was so tumultuous and flooded with hurt and regret, and then the evening so wonderful that his memory is scrambled.

Jimmy leaps off the bed to answer the door, while Cas tries to formulate a response as to why he's so appalled that Sam has asked Jimmy out less than a week after dumping him. He can't come up with anything remotely plausible and he buries his head in his hands. He's going to have to confess everything to his twin, he knows it, and it's going to be painful and uncomfortable but he should really never have lied to Jimmy in the first place, and…

“You're not Cas.”

The gravelly voice at the open door makes Castiel’s head jolt up in shock because he knows that voice, he _likes_ that voice, that voice belongs to someone he hasn't been able to stop thinking about for days, and suddenly he's scrambling up off the bed to join Jimmy at the door. Dean's eyes widen just a fraction before his freckled face splits into a grin upon seeing Cas.

"Holy shit, there's two of you. I thought I'd imagined the similarities the other day."

“Dean…” the word comes out in a long, low breath and Cas watches Dean’s face light up as he takes in Cas’ appearance, head-to-toe, from his messed-up hair that insists on standing on end and the smudge of ink on his cheek, right down to his bare feet. “You…can tell us apart?”

“You're kidding, right?”

And with absolutely no shame about Jimmy standing right there, Dean takes Cas by the elbow and draws him forward to plant a sweet, gently kiss on his lips and Cas feels himself blush right to the tips of his ears. He can feel his brother's penetrating gaze on him, just inches away, and he's suddenly forgotten how to speak. Dean is grinning at him, tracing a pattern onto the skin of Cas' bare elbow - which he still hasn't let go of - and Cas has to work hard to keep his breathing in check, especially when Dean says 'Hey, Cas, I've missed you,' in that oh-so-sexy tone of his and Jimmy audibly squeaks next to them.

“Do you know how many doors I knocked on before finding yours? I'm pretty sure your classmates think I'm a deranged stalker by now.”

“And they're not wrong.” Jimmy is watching Dean with wide, almost disbelieving eyes. Then, before Cas can stop him, his twin opens his mouth and Cas wants to either strangle him or fall through the floor in embarrassment. “I don't know why you've been keeping this boyfriend of yours a secret, Cas. He seems pretty…” Nobody misses the way Jimmy’s eyes roam appreciatively over Dean - least of all the subject of his brazen admiration, who raises his eyebrows so high they almost disappear into his hairline. “Nice. You're a lucky guy.”

Silence falls between them, and Cas wants to melt into a puddle never to return. For _fuck’s_ sake, Jimmy. _Boyfriend_? He waits, mortified, as his twin looks between them both in mounting puzzlement when no reply to his comment comes, for Dean to flip out, turn tail and run, but to his utter disbelief it doesn't happen. Instead, Dean seems to pull him minutely closer, and a curiously wicked smile plays at his lips.

“Well, I knew I'd made an impression, but boyfriend? You move fast, Cas.” His hand comes to the small of Castiel’s back, and Cas shivers. Dean addresses Jimmy without even looking at him, his eyes never leaving Cas’, which causes a mixture of pleasure and irritation to swim within Castiel. “And thanks for the compliment, twinnie, but I'm afraid I'm spoken for.” Dean grins at Cas impishly, his green eyes sparking. “By your brother, it seems.”

“Dean, I didn’t…it's not like…”

“ _Twinnie_?” Jimmy sounds utterly affronted and Cas snorts. “Are you serious? Cas, is he-”

“Wanna go get an early dinner, Cas?” Dean cuts in smoothly. “I know a great little burger joint just nearby,” he glances past Cas to see books strewn all over the bed. “And I'm sure you could use a break from studying.”

“I probably could, too…” Jimmy tries to interject, clearly displeased at being cut off - his tone is sharp and petulant. Cas can sense his twin squirming next to him, determined not to be left out, and his patience finally wears out. He is _not_ accompanying Dean and Cas on their first (second?) date, no way. Jimmy’s neediness is endearing to a point, and Cas has found that point.

“Sorry, Jimmy, I think it's invite only.” Cas has eyes only for Dean, feeling uncontrollably swept along by the tidal wave of attraction threatening to crush him, and this only intensifies when Dean grins mischievously and slides his arm more firmly around Cas’ waist, pulling him out of his room and into the hall.

“ _Cas_!” Jimmy sounds staggered, hurt even, and for a split second Cas feels a swoop of guilt. “Are you fucking serious here?”

“Relax, twinnie, I'll bring him back in one piece.” Dean quirks an eyebrow at Cas, who muffles a giggle behind his hand. “Does he have a curfew?”

“He…yes! No! _Cas_!”

“Let me get my shoes,” Cas nudges Dean away and disappears for a second, fully expecting a fuming Jimmy to follow him and begin an interrogation. It doesn't happen, and when Cas returns to the door he finds his twin and his hotter-than-hell date having a staring match. Jimmy is practically sparking with jealous fury, and Dean is leaning against the wall with folded arms, and an impetuous smirk playing at his lips.

“Ready, gorgeous?” Dean links his hand with Castiel’s and draws him down the corridor, barely giving Cas enough time to give Jimmy a cheeky, albeit slightly guilt-ridden, wave and to see his twin roll his eyes and slam the door hard enough to rattle the windows. “If looks could kill, Cas, if looks could kill…”

Dean slings an arm around Castiel’s shoulder as they walk down the stairs, and suddenly says: “You did want to come, right?”

“Of course.” Cas takes Dean’s arm and draws them to a stop in the stairwell, and with a surge of confidence leans up and presses a kiss to Dean’s lips. “I…have been thinking about you. A lot.”

“Me too.” Dean smiles, and it's warm and soft and inviting, and they start down the stairs again. “Although we should probably make tonight last. I think my days are numbered if your twin gets hold of me…”

“Jimmy,” Cas laughs, his earlier conversation wth his twin completely forgotten in the rush of excitement at being pretty much swept off his feet by Dean. “His name is Jimmy.”


	12. Chapter 12

“OK, first things first.”

Dean pulls Cas to a stop outside his building, and slowly turns him so they're face to face. He studies Castiel’s face for a long moment, then cups his jaw and draws him in for a gentle, sensual kiss that makes Cas sigh in delight against his lips. Cas is momentarily torn: if this is what kissing is like, it makes him wonder why he hasn't been doing it for years, but then he's also glad he's saved himself (mostly) for Dean’s kisses, because they're incredible. Dean’s mouth is talented, soft and sweet in all the right ways but equally powerful and fiery and Cas’ stomach leaps at the thought of them alone together, of Dean’s lips exploring more than just his mouth…he swallows and nudges Dean away before they get too carried away. Dean allows him to pull back just a little, before pressing his lips to Cas’ temple and inhaling the scent of his shampoo.

“I'd be lying if I said I haven't missed you.”

“Me…me too.” Cas can't get his voice to work properly. He's suddenly in a rush to speak, because despite Dean’s smiles and kisses he's worried about the ‘boyfriend’ comment, and Dean thinking he's a scary obsessive. “I know that's maybe a bit weird, because we don't know each other very well…or at all, I guess. And that thing my brother said, he was just joking around, he's an idiot like that, he's…”

“Cas.” Dean gently presses a fingertip to Castiel’s lips. “It's OK. I don't care about what your brother said. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he's a great guy, but…”

“But…?” Cas probes, unsure if he wants to hear the answer.

Dean hesitates, then grins. “I like you better.”

Feeling like that wasn't what Dean wanted to say at all, Cas allows himself to be guided through campus as Dean chatters on about this and that, and Cas listens avidly. As they approach the parking lot, Dean links their hands together and strokes Cas’ fingers lightly.

“OK, second things second: I can't wait for you to meet my baby.”

“Your…your what?” Dean has a _baby_?

“Yeah,” Dean’s smile is all freckles and crinkles at the corner of his eyes. “You like cars, Cas?”

They stop in front of what is admittedly a spectacular car. Cas knows next to nothing about cars, but he can tell that this one is not only special but well cared for. And from the glimmer in Dean’s eyes, quite clearly the love of his life. Cas reaches out and tentatively touches the shining paintwork, and Dean’s smile deepens.

“Do you like her?”

“She's…” Cas lets go of Dean’s hand and wanders to the front of the car appraisingly. “Beautiful. I don't…know much about cars though, Dean.”

“That's all right. I can talk your ear off about them if you like. This is my baby girl, love of my life. ‘67 Chevy Impala, belonged to my dad and now belongs to me. Will eventually belong to my brother probably, if I can ever bring myself to part with her.” Dean opens the passenger door and gestures dramatically to Cas. “Your carriage, sir.”

They laugh and joke and Dean holds Cas’ hand the entire way to the burger place. It's not that far away, and it's a beautifully mild summer evening so they could walk, but Dean tells Cas that he brought the car firstly because he just had to show her off, and that also he wants to take Cas somewhere afterwards and that it’s too far on foot. Cas feels a thrill at this; stopping by Castiel’s dorm room and asking him out clearly wasn't a spur of the moment thing, it's clearly something Dean has thought about. When they arrive at the burger place, Dean opens the door for Cas and that one tiny gesture is one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for him. The diner is brightly coloured and retro, and all the waitresses wear striped aprons, red lips and dazzling smiles. Cas instantly likes the place, even more so when he sees a waiter walk past with a tray full of hot dogs, fries and onion rings and his mouth starts to water. They take their seat in a booth towards the back, and Dean hides a smile as his stomach grumbles.

“Hungry?” He opens a menu and hands it to Cas. “The pie here is indescribable.”

Cas has so many things he wants to ask the other man. What he does for a living, where he's from, if he has any siblings, his favourite book, favourite movie…but somehow there doesn't seem to be much of a lull in the conversation for Cas to ask. They talk constantly, Dean making Cas laugh more in the hour they spend eating dinner than he has in months. He can barely remember what they talk about, but the time flies past so quickly that it must be interesting stuff. The food is good, Cas is sure, but his focus is definitely not on his steak burger and vanilla shake. It's on Dean’s face, on the broad slant of his shoulders, on his defined forearms and hands, on the lilting, rich tones of his voice and the words coming out of his mouth. Dean is smart, funny, and his attention is fully on Castiel.

“So…” Cas stirs his shake with his straw, trying not to smile at the sensation of Dean twining their ankles together under the table. “How long are you here for?”

“Another six weeks, then back to Kansas. I work for my friend Bobby - well, he's more of an uncle than a friend - he's got a couple of garages and I run one of them.”

“So that's how you know so much about cars?”

“Kinda. My dad was into them, too.” Dean sips his coke and Cas watches his lips work around the straw, his thoughts straying to somewhere in the R-rated territory. He wonders what happened to Dean’s dad, as he keeps using last-tense to talk about him. “What are you studying?”

Cas is about to tell him when the waitress appears with the cheque, and they both get out their wallets simultaneously. Cas reaches for a note when Dean’s hand comes into his vision and covers his.

“My treat.”

“What? No way, I can't let you do that.”

“Yeah, you can.” Dean hands a credit card to the waitress with a wink and a smile, and she disappears wearing a pretty blush. “I came and dragged you away from your studies and that fascinating brother of yours under the guise of good food and interesting conversation, so paying for said distraction is the least I can do.” His lips quirk in a smile. “Next time is on you.”

Next time? There's going to be a next time? Castiel manages to reign in his happy grin to a moderate and modest smile, and moments later they're outside again, hand-in-hand as they walk towards Dean’s car. They're in comfortable silence, but Cas feels the need to break it to talk about the elephant he feels is in the room.

“My brother isn't that bad, you know.” Dean makes a non-committal noise in reply. “I know that probably wasn't his best first impression, but he's a good guy. He cares about me a lot.”

“I'm sure he does.” They come to a stop by the Impala, and Dean leans against it with his hand still in Castiel’s, warm and comforting. “But I think he stifles you a lot, as well.”

“He…what do you mean?”

“Oh I could be way off base. I only met him for two minutes. But he just screams ‘centre of attention’, and when that bundle of energy is around I bet you get pushed aside. I bet sometimes people don't even see you. Am I right?”

Cas can feel his cheeks flame, and there's a strange lump in his throat, blocking his ability to reply. With barely a handful of words, Dean has hit every raw nerve Castiel possesses in relation to his twin. He's seen straight to the heart of them as a pair, and has seen exactly how Cas feels and why. And he doesn't know quite how to handle such intense, avid scrutiny.

“I see you, Cas.” Dean draws him closer, and when Cas is right in front of him with barely an inch between their bodies, he trails a hand up his chest to cup Castiel’s jaw. They're so close that they're sharing a breath and Dean’s eyes shimmer in the evening light. Dean kisses him, and Cas’ knees would have buckled if Dean hadn't caught him. Somehow, Dean manages to open the passenger door and ushers Cas in, and within minutes they're driving out of town towards the bay, and eventually Dean pulls them to a stop in a secluded area overlooking the water and cuts the engine. Silence fills the Impala, and Cas can feel Dean’s gaze on his face. The other man’s arm is across the seat behind him, his fingers tracing Castiel’s shoulder, and Cas is in no doubt about what Dean wants. Now is as good a time as any to come clean.

“Dean…I've never…um. I haven't…”

“Haven't what?” Dean had moved closer to Cas, close enough that their bodies are pressed together side-by-side, and starts pressing kisses to Cas’ jawline, trailing them down the column of his throats and impeding Castiel’s ability to think straight.

“I haven't…with anyone…before…”

“Really,” Dean purrs, and it doesn't seem to be a question. “Never fancied it?”

“I…I've never had occasion.” Cas’ skin is tingling, almost burning beneath Dean’s lips, and he tilts his head to allow the other man better access; in response, Dean sucks a deep red mark onto his collarbone and Cas can't hold in a moan. His whole body is responding to Dean in a way it never did to Sam - his brain cuts him off at that point. Thoughts of Sam do not belong here, in this amazing car with this amazing man. Fuck Sam.

“I can hardly believe that.” Dean’s tongue darts out to taste a bead of sweat forming on Cas’ skin. The night is balmy and warm, and the heat between them is building rapidly. “I bet you have all the boys running after you.”

Cas snorts, and feels Dean smile against his skin. “Hardly. You've got me confused with Jimmy.” He means it as a joke - mostly - but it comes out as bitter and he admonishes himself. Way to kill a moment, Cas. He's convinced he's ruined it when Dean pulls back and doesn't say anything for a moment. Then, a finger comes under his chin and he's forced to turn and look into Dean’s eyes which are blazing with something intense. Attraction and desire, certainly, but is that a possessive spark Cas is picking up on?

“I'll never get you confused with Jimmy. I'm not like everyone else, Cas. It's you I like. It's you I want. He pales in comparison next to you.” Dean is frowning, looking more serious than Cas has ever seen him, and he shouldn't ask the question on his lips but it spills out anyway.

“Why?”

He fully expects Dean to pull away completely, to laugh it off or change the subject. What he isn't prepared for is Dean’s arm around his shoulders, finding himself almost in the other man’s lap, and listening as the sweetest, most incredible words are whispered into his ear as Dean kisses and caresses him and builds him up to make him feel like a million dollars.

*

Later, much later, Cas climbs the stairs to his room in a dream-like state, his thoughts filled with nothing but Dean. Dean and his searing kisses, Dean and his smiles and his firm hands and the way he touches Cas just right to make him ache and want and yearn for more.

Stuck to the screen of his laptop is a pink post-it with two words on, and Cas plucks it up only to huff out a laugh and screw it into a ball. Jimmy is inherently childish, and Cas should have been expecting this level of passive aggression. He collapses onto his bed, arms above his head and a smile playing at his lips as he thinks of Dean; and the two scribbled words from his twin already almost forgotten.

 _GONE_ _OUT!!!_


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's drama time...  
> *runs and hides*

Fuck Cas.

Fuck Cas, and fuck that guy he was with, the guy he didn't even get fucking _introduced_ _to_ because the pair of them were too damn busy making puppy dog eyes at each other. Jimmy feels like puking at the thought of it, and it has _nothing_ to do with jealousy, he tells himself savagely. Nothing. Fuck them both, he goes they have a really fantastic time out on their _date_ , because Jimmy is determined to have a fantastic night himself.

He runs a hand through his hair one more time, checking his reflection in the mirror and, happy with what he sees, grabs his phone and wallet and heads for the door. He's in his favourite jeans, the ones which make his ass look incredible, a slim-fit shirt and a leather jacket slung over it, and his hair is that artful mix between styled and bed-head.

His text to Sam had been short and left nothing to the imagination. Jimmy isn't normally quite so forward, but he's angry and restless and can't be bothered with faux-niceties. He wants sex, not a date, and he's damn well going to get it.

_I'm bored, Sam. Wanna hook up?_

And Sam’s response had been instant and Jimmy had smirked triumphantly at his phone and dressed at record speed.

_Definitely. Come over._

*

They barely say a word to each other.

Sam is on him the second the door closes, pulling at his clothes and crowding him back against the door, and Jimmy loves every second of it. Their mouths crash together in a collision of tongues and lips and teeth, and soon Jimmy is naked and being dragged with no finesse whatsoever towards the bed; Sam collapses on top of him, working his way down Jimmy’s body with sloppy, careless kisses before parting his legs and taking his rigid, dripping length into his mouth. Jimmy cries out and arches his back helplessly because _damn_ Sam is good with that mouth. For a split second, he pictures Sam kissing Cas with that mouth and feels disgusted at himself. Then Sam does something particularly special with his tongue and chases all thought from Jimmy’s mind.

Soon, Jimmy is on his back with his legs around Sam’s waist, while he tears a condom wrapper with his teeth and hands it over. Sam grins down at him as he slowly rolls it on and slicks himself, bending to kiss Jimmy and move them both into the right poison. Jimmy braces his hands on the headboard above him, unable to contain his pants and gasps, and then it's _happening_ : Sam is inside him and they've found a delicious, hard, almost rough rhythm with Jimmy’s hips arching perfectly to meet deep thrusts. Sam is confident and deliberate with each movement, dragging out Jimmy’s pleasure and making him see stars with every particularly deep twist of his hips. It goes on for what feels like forever, and it's _just_ what Jimmy needed: hot, sweaty, passionate sex and his body practically vibrates with pleasure as he's pushed to the edge then over, tumbling into an intense orgasm that drags a cry from his lips and makes his whole body feel like it's on fire.

Sam comes seconds after Jimmy, and somehow manages to brace himself on his forearms to prevent himself collapsing and crushing the younger man. He presses one last kiss to Jimmy’s parted lips, then moves carefully from between his legs and falls to lie on his back next to the younger Novak twin. They lie still for a moment, both panting and trying to catch their breath, and Jimmy wipes a thin layer of sweat from his forehead, wriggling and feeling it collecting in his navel and collarbones. That was intense and heated and some of the best sex he's had in months. Sam is lying next to him, panting just as hard and sounding every bit like a man trying to get himself under control. As the sweat on his body starts to cool, Jimmy fumbles for the thin white sheet and pulls it up to his chest, throwing one arm up over his head and running the other absently over his own chest.

“That was…”

“Yeah.” Sam turns on his side to smile at him, propping himself up onto one elbow to look at Jimmy with lopsided, sexed-out eyes. “You're incredible.”

Jimmy hums, low in his throat, and stretches out like a cat. “You too.”

“You're nothing like I imagined.” Sam is looking at him with a strange mixture of intrigue and hunger, and it makes Jimmy want to lean in and kiss him, starting something all over again. He's just about to, when Sam speaks again. “I can't believe Cas is cool with us. I mean, he's a pretty chilled guy, right? So I probably shouldn't be surprised.”

“Cas?” Jimmy can't fathom why the guy who just fucked him is talking about his brother when he has Jimmy naked and wrung-out and considering round two lying inches away from him. What the fuck does _Cas_ have to do with anything? “Well…yeah. He's chill. But you guys barely know each other, so…”

Jimmy leans up for a kiss, and is instantly indignant when Sam pushes him back with a gentle nudge to his chest.

“We don't know each other _that_ well, no, but…I don't know. Three dates worth? Or was it four?” Sam’s eyes cloud over as he thinks, and Jimmy suddenly feels like someone has doused him in freezing water. Three _what_? “I can't remember. I can barely think with you around. You make me so crazy.”

It's Sam who leans in this time, and Jimmy who pushes him away - but there's nothing gentle in Jimmy’s movement. He sits up in bed, feeling suddenly self-conscious in his nudity and pulls the sheet around him and up to his chest.

“Sam…I don't understand. What do you mean, you and Cas have been on dates? You're in a class together, but I didn't think…”

“He didn't tell you?”

“Didn't tell me _what_?”

Sam is frowning now, and Jimmy can feel his muscles start to coil as nervous tension fills his body. This cannot be happening. Cas would have said something, his twin would have told him, surely… Then it comes back to him. Castiel’s face, earlier that day, when Jimmy had mentioned Sam. His shocked, pained, scandalised expression, and his horror at Jimmy even mentioning Sam’s name. He hadn't had time to clarify any of it because that _guy_ had appeared at the door, and in Jimmy’s indignant fury he had forgotten all about it. But now… A chill is creeping over him. Sam and Cas, going on dates. But that can't be right, Cas had said that other guy - what was his name, Dane? - was his mystery boyfriend. Not Sam. Cas would have said something if it were Sam, of course he would. He would…wouldn't he?

Jimmy’s head is spinning. He casts about for his jeans, for his phone. He needs to talk to Cas _now_ , and he doesn't give a fuck if he's naked in Sam’s bed or if Cas is out on a date. He needs to talk to his brother.

“Jimmy… Cas did tell you that we dated, right?”

“No. What part of my reaction suggests that he did?” Jimmy snaps, trying to pull away from Sam as he reaches for him. A sudden, more rational thought occurs to him: maybe he's freaking out about nothing. Maybe this was ages ago and Cas just…forgot to tell him or something. Yeah, that would explain it all. “When did you date?”

“Like…” Sam scrunched up his nose in consideration. “We went out last week? Shit,” he laughs self-consciously, looking suddenly abashed. “When you put it like that, I guess we've moved pretty quick, huh?”

“Last _week_?” Angry, confused tears are brimming behind Jimmy’s eyes as he stumbles out of bed and grabs for his clothes. Last week Cas was all upset that his mystery man was giving him the cold shoulder. Last week, Cas was smitten with the guy he was seeing, but now that Jimmy thinks about it he was smitten in a calmer, more subdued way than he clearly is with the guy he's gone out with tonight. But then where the fuck did _this_ guy come from? And when the hell did Cas turn into such a _slut_?

Head spinning, Jimmy ignores Sam completely as he dresses and fumbles with his phone. It goes straight to voicemail, and Jimmy leaves him a curt, tearful message telling Cas to call him as soon as he can. Then, phone clenched in his hand, he turns to Sam who is still lying in bed looking shell-shocked.

“Did you hurt my brother?” Jimmy’s eyes are aqua ice, and he swears Sam shivers.

“No…well, I guess he was a bit bummed when we called it quits, but…I didn't think…I mean, he didn't seem too bothered when I told him I wanted to ask you out since we weren't working out…”

“You _said_ _that_?”

“Jimmy, what the fuck is the big deal?” Sam sits up, glaring now. “So Cas and I dated, so what?”

“Because he actually _liked_ you, you selfish prick!” Jimmy’s words come spilling out, uncontrolled. “And now, you and I…you think he’ll ever forgive me for this?” He gestures wildly between the two of them. “I'm his _brother_! You're his ex!”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Jimmy, he's a big boy and we went out like three times!”

“ _Four,_ Sam, for God’s sake!”

Jimmy doesn't know why he knows that, and he doesn't care. He's hurting on Cas’ behalf that Sam can't even remember properly, but he's also hurting for himself. He's shaking with anger and bewilderment, and maybe Sam’s right and Cas _won't_ care, especially since he's clearly moved on at lightning speed, but this situation isn't right. It means Cas has lied to him, or at the very least omitted some pretty pertinent details, and it means Sam can't really give a shit about _either_ of them if he chucked Cas just so he could go for Jimmy, and now Jimmy is the one feeling foolish and naive and just…crappy. Cas is loved-up, Sam got his, and Jimmy is the one feeling used.

“You know what?” Sam is out of bed now too, dressing with angry, jerky movements. “The pair of you are a pain in the ass. Yeah you're hot, but you're fucking high maintenance and I don't have time for this. You should go.”

“Yeah.” Jimmy’s eyes are burning and he can barely see straight. “I should. Don't call me again.”

Sam barks out a laugh and mutters something, and Jimmy turns to reach for the door handle but someone on the other side gets there first.

Just when Jimmy thinks that the night really cannot get any worse, God goes ahead and proves him totally fucking wrong.

Into the room, with a dreamy sort of smile on his handsome face, walks someone Jimmy would never have expected in a hundred years. The guy Cas was with earlier, the guy who had swept him off his feet and dragged him away, _that_ _guy_ , is standing right in front of Jimmy and his face snaps in shock as he takes in the scene: Jimmy’s flushed, angry face, Sam half-dressed and equally mad, and the air thick with sex and fighting. What _the_ _fuck_ is he doing here?

“Sammy?” The guy speaks slowly, his voice low and rich, eyes wide as he stares at Jimmy with slowly-building shock. “What the hell is going on?”


	14. Chapter 14

“Cas?”

  
“Dean?” Cas feels his whole body shiver in delight as the sweet, low tone of the other man’s voice comes down the phone line, and an unrestrained smile spreads across his face. “You missing me already?”

Cas’ phone ran out of battery hours ago, and he's only just got around to charging it. He hadn't had time to check for voicemails or texts, as it had rung immediately and 'Hot Mechanic' had come up on the screen complete with a selfie of Dean with an expression that can only be described as 'blue steel' on his handsome face - Dean had programmed his number into Cas' phone when he wasn't looking. Cas had changed for bed slowly, lazily, reliving every detail of his evening with Dean. Dean’s smile when he looks at Cas is…everything. The words Dean had whispered to Cas had almost moved him to tears, tears of happiness and for the first time in forever he actually felt wanted. Like Dean saw past his awkward social skills and lack of self-esteem and could see the person he really was. The person he wanted to be. If Cas believed in love at first sight…

“I am missing you, baby, you have no idea,” Dean’s smiling, Cas can tell, and his heart gives a pleasant leap at the endearment. He thinks he hears someone speak in the background. “But that's not why I'm calling. Believe me, I wish it were.”

“What…Dean, is something wrong?”

“Your brother is on his way, and…he's pretty upset, Cas. I just wanted you to be prepared.”

“My _brother_?” Cas is rendered speechless. “Jimmy?”

“Yeah. Cas-”

“Where is he? Is he all right?” Fear and anxiety hits Castiel like a train, and he almost hangs up on Dean straight away to call his twin. “What's happened?”

“I'll let him tell you. But, Cas-”

“What’s _happened_ , Dean? Please!”

“He's not hurt, Cas, he's fine,” Dean hastens to clarify, sensing the building panic in Castiel’s voice. “He just…” he exhales heavily and, after a moment's thought, seems to give in. “When I got back from our date I...I found him in bed with...my brother. And it all kind of…escalated.”

“You…what…I don't understand.” Cas pinches the bridge of his nose and sits down on the edge of the bed, a tightness forming in his chest. “Your brother? Who's your brother?”

“Yeah, Cas. It's…he's….”Another deep, slightly shaky exhale, and then: “Sam Winchester.”

The words don't make sense for a moment. Sam. Dean's brother. Sam Winchester. Jimmy and Sam. Cas barely manages to squeak out a horrified and confused 'what?' down the line, before the sound of a key in the door draws his attention and he turns wide eyes on the tornado entering the room masquerading as his brother.

"Dean...I have to go." Cas hangs up, his hands shaking and numb, without letting the other man respond. He has barely two seconds to think before Jimmy is up in his personal space, crowding him back against the bed, practically sparking with hurt, anger, and...is that jealousy in his bright blue eyes?

“So, Cas, what do you want to talk about first? The fact that you lied to me, the fact that you've gone from the most sexually-repressed virgin I've ever known to a total slut in less than a week, or the fact that you fucking lied to me?”

Cas hadn't been sure which emotion was going to come out first, but it's most definitely anger. Petulant, sarcastic, childish, Jimmy-style anger, and Cas shivers at the fire in his gaze.

“Jimmy…I can explain everything. You just need to listen.”

“Oh, Dean explained everything just fine, Cas. So did Sam. In fact, they're over there patching up their own little brotherly disagreement as we speak. So it seems like I'm the one who loses in this little game you've been playing, right?” Jimmy’s ire is palpable, and Cas is torn between reaching for his brother and backing as far away as he can.

“Dean…found you in bed…with Sam…” Cas can barely say the words. It physically hurts him to say it, especially when his twin’s eyes narrow mockingly.

“Yeah, you jealous Cas? Because you had your chance to stop me, but you didn't. You fed me a couple of lines of bullshit instead. Why? So you had an excuse to be mad at me? Why the fuck didn't you say anything?”

And there's the hurt. Jimmy’s eyes are glistening now with unshed tears, and Cas feels compelled to explain himself. To tell Jimmy that he didn't mean to deceive him, that he just didn't feel up to explaining it all because everything had seemed to complicated then, with Dean, so simple and it almost felt like he didn't need to explain. That Jimmy never needed to know about his painful interlude with Sam, that he could keep that humiliation to himself because he's so damn tired of being the forgotten twin, the twin everyone laughs at, the twin nobody even notices. He opens his mouth…then closes it again. Because he's hurting too, and he's pushing it down for Jimmy - as always. And now, he wants to be heard too.

“I didn't mean to lie to you.” Cas chooses his words carefully, and Jimmy watches him with burning eyes. “But I didn't want to tell you the truth, Jimmy, because the truth hurt too damn much.”

“Why?” His brother asks in a small, childish voice, one which only serves to irritate Cas rather than soothe him.

“Why? You really want to know why?” Dean is Sam’s brother. The words shove their way to the surface unbidden and Cas feels like someone is twisting a knife in his chest. His brother. Imagine what Sam said about you. Imagine what Dean’s said about you. Remember that phone call…? “You honestly can't work it out, Jimmy? After all these years?”

“No, Cas, I can't.” His twin snaps, folding his arms defensively across his chest. “You're an enigma wrapped in a mystery, always have been - to everyone but me. But now that I'm on the outside too, you'll have to enlighten me. Why wasn't I worth telling the truth to? I bet you told Dean the truth.”

“I fucking didn't, OK?” Cas steps away from his brother, feeling claustrophobic, but Jimmy follows him. “I didn't tell you, Jimmy, because I couldn't stand it, OK? Sam chucked me, and you wanna know why?” He barrels on before Jimmy can open his mouth to respond. “Because I wasn't you. Because he wanted you instead, and I'm not good enough for him. Story of my damn life, Jimmy, everyone wants you and never me. Do you have any idea how that feels?”

“No, Cas, I don't.” Jimmy puffs up in indignant anger. “Because you don't tell me! You don't talk to me, you just hold back! How am I meant to-”

“Because I can't get a fucking _word_ in with you around!” It spills out without warning and Cas watches his twin’s face snap in horror, his eyes widening and going glassy. “I feel fucking suffocated around you Jimmy, don't you get it? You're so much, you're so goddamn vibrant and oppressive that everyone forgets I fucking exist when you're around! And when they remember, all they see is the sad twin. The pathetic twin. The failure. And just for once, I didn't want that to be me. I wanted it to work out with Sam, I thought he wanted me for me. So when he said he wanted you first…” Castiel's vision blurs and he swipes savagely at his eyes. He chances a glance at Jimmy, and where he expects to see shock and sorrow, he just sees raw fury. Figures, he supposes. Jimmy has always been a selfish little prat when he feels wronged. No wonder Cas has so many goddamn issues.

“So you decided to get back at him by fucking his brother, is that it?” Jimmy’s sneer is becoming more pronounced, and Cas hates it when Jimmy is like this. When he's this angry, he’s prone to saying things he doesn't mean, out of righteous spite; when he's this angry, he's prone to hurting Cas. “Very classy, Cas, seriously.”

“That's not it at all! Jimmy!” Cas rakes his hands through his hair in distress. He hates fighting with his brother more than anything in the world, and this has the potential to turn nasty. “I had no idea they were even related until right before you got here! Dean called-”

“Oh, did he? And what did he say, exactly? That your drama queen of a brother was being a little bitch and was heading your way? Is that how it is now? You and Dean against the world?” And by ‘the world’, Jimmy means Jimmy. “You said we wouldn't grow apart, Cas, and the second Dean snaps his fingers you're putty in his hands, and I'm a distant memory-”

“Jimmy, for fuck's sake!” Cas has never wanted to punch a wall so badly before. “Why can't you understand? I wanted to feel wanted, Jimmy. And it just happened this way, that I met Dean that same day! It wasn't intentional!” But Jimmy clearly isn't really listening any more, he's too angry. His eyes are glittering and his cheeks flushed, and Cas knows he should stop talking and that they both need space to calm down, but he can't help it. He's more like Jimmy than he cares to admit: anger forces his words, too. “Dean sees me for who I am, Jimmy, the person I am without you. But you don't want me to have that, so you? You don't want me to have a life? You want me glued to your side so you don't feel lonely. Newsflash, brother: it's my turn to have a life now, a life where you're not the main fucking focus. Can you deal with that, you selfish little shit?”

“Fuck you, Cas!”

“No, fuck _you_ , Jimmy. I wish you'd never fucking come to Stanford! You're ruining everything for me! _Everything_!”

The silence that falls between them is pregnant and hostile, not broken by the gasps of two hurt twins trying to reign in their anger. Cas has gone too far, and he knows it. But somehow, he can't bring himself to retract his words.

“I know you're a loser, Cas, but seriously?” Jimmy is openly sneering now, speaking quietly but with a raw intensity, and Cas can't speak to interject. He's pinned in place, his face burning with humiliation and hurt, and that anger is rising inside him like a tidal wave he can barely control. His hands are shaking, fisted at his sides, and he's never wanted to hurt his brother before, ever, but the morse Jimmy speaks the more Cas’ control slips away. “But I had no idea you were this desperate to get your name on the map. Two brothers in one week?” Jimmy shakes his head in a mixture of pity and disdain. “When did you become such a cheap whore?”

And Cas sees red. Literally, red. A haze descends on him, one that he's only ever experienced once before with Jimmy, and he doesn't realise what he's doing until he's on his knees by the bed, his hand and wrist smarting and his jaw aching, lips slick with blood. Head swimming, he glances up to see Jimmy sagging against the door with a bloody nose and scratch marks on the tender skin of his neck, looking horror-struck and with silvery, broken-hearted tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Jimmy…” Cas tries to reach for his brother, but his twin flinches away with muffled sob. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Jimmy…”

Jimmy doesn't answer. He fumbles for the handle of the door behind him, turns it, and seconds later he's gone, leaving Cas on his knees descending into broken sobs.


	15. Chapter 15

“Well…shit.”

Sam rubs the back of his neck and laughs awkwardly, rifling through his drawer to find a t-shirt. After exchanging some heated words with Dean, Jimmy had bolted to find his brother and Dean had let the silence draw out between them until it became unbearable. Now, Sam doesn't really know how to fill it so he tries to fall back on the kind of humour his brother would normally go for.

“I guess it's your turn to fuck Jimmy, right? Then that makes us square?”

He doesn't know what to expect. Dean to laugh maybe, to shake his head, maybe throw a light fist in his direction if he's smarting enough over the Novak twins - which if he is, then Dean must be further over his head than Sam realises, because in his eyes the twins are just a bit of flirty fun, nothing to get all serious about. Dean in particular doesn't get serious about anyone.

What he doesn't expect is for Dean to look at him with sad, disappointed eyes, and to turn and walk out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

*

Dean is hardly speaking to Sam. Sam definitely isn't speaking to Jimmy, and Jimmy isn't talking to his twin. And Cas…Cas isn't speaking to anyone. Literally, no one. He goes to his classes and sits alone, ignoring everyone, then spends his evenings in the library, and only ventures back to his dorm room when he knows Jimmy will be fast asleep. Sometimes when he comes in, he thinks he hears a hitch in his twin’s breath, or sees him tense a little, but he doesn't dare approach him. And he doesn't want to. So they both spend their days fuming and forlorn, and their evenings anywhere but their dorm room, purely so they can spend as little time in each other's company as possible. Cas knows Jimmy is upset, but he's also likely playing a game of ‘who can crack and apologise first’, and Cas is damned if it's going to be him. It's been a whirlwind of a few weeks, and he's exhausted by it all. He never wanted to hurt his twin, and knows that the words he shouted in bitter anger have cut Jimmy deeply, but all the same he's hurting himself, both over his brother’s words - which he knows were said out of fury and meant to hurt him, that Jimmy didn't really _mean_ it, but still - but he's also hurting over Dean.

Dean. Sam’s brother. That phone call…

Dean texts him every day, without fail. Every morning, he wakes up to some variant of ‘I miss you’ sent at a point during the night when Dean should have been sleeping, sometimes with the question of ‘Cas, have I done something to upset you?’. Cas scoffs outwardly and deletes the messages, but inside he's battling a dull ache which only grows more intense as each day passes. He really, really likes Dean. He's never liked anyone this way before, and the chemistry between them is incredible. Dean makes him feel like the most important person in the world with only a smile, in a way that his twin has never made him feel. Granted, comparing his twin to a romantic interest is probably a sign Cas has some issues to work through, but up until now Jimmy has been his one and only, the one person he loves above anyone else. Now that Dean is on the scene, everything is changing and as much as Cas knows he needs to break away from his twin he's finding it terrifying. He still wants Dean. If he can get over the shock and the hurt, he's sure they can have something beautiful together. Dean certainly seems to think so. But on Friday, when he hasn't heard from Dean all day, he starts to think the other man has given up, and dejection swoops over him like a raincloud.

So he's unprepared on Friday evening, after his stint at the library and a quiet drink alone in the bar where he first properly met Dean, to find a figure sitting propped against the wall by the door to his dorm room, tapping absently at his phone, and clearly waiting for someone. Cas freezes, his hand on the bannister and his key clasped between his fingers, and just stares for a moment. Dean hasn't noticed him, and it allows Cas time to feel that low swooping sensation that his heart creates whenever they're in the same room together. His mouth is suddenly desert-dry and words fail him. Dean looks tired, a little stressed, but just as handsome as ever in his distressed leather jacket and flannel shirt, a hunt of freckled chest visible and the sharp edge of his jawline calling to Cas, just begging for his lips and his kisses. Fuck. Cas is so fucked. He wants to walk past Dean and straight into his room, slamming the door and pretend he never saw the other man, but that's a fruitless thought. The moment Dean looks up and sees him, Cas knows that the firm, angry resolve he's been clinging to all week will melt away and he will be putty in Dean’s hands.

Those emerald eyes suddenly snap up to meet his blue, and Cas steadies himself with the bannister. Fuck that gaze, it makes him _feel things._ Things he's only read about in books. And there's a hint of that beautiful smile at his lips as Dean realises it's Cas, and hurried to scramble to his feet, his expression an open book, and his hand reaching out towards the older Novak twin.

“Cas…can we talk?”

*

Cas chucks his bag onto his bed and quickly changes into a fresh t-shirt, steadfastly ignoring Jimmy who is studying on his bed and watching him with wide eyes. He thinks his twin might be about to say something to him, but he doesn't wait to find out: he closes the door and descends the stairs to find Dean waiting for him at the bottom. It almost looks like Dean is about to kiss him, so Cas takes a deft step around him, heading for the door. If Dean kisses him, the conversation will be over before it even gets going.

Dean opens the door to the Impala for him before he can reach for it himself, and he shoots him a baleful glance but gets in anyway. The drive is short, and is totally quiet. Dean doesn't even turn the radio on to the classic rock stations he seems to love; he seems content to lapse into thoughtful silence, and to listen to Cas breathe. Cas, in turn, tries not to think about how close Dean is, how good his hands look, or how incredible he smells. He tries to distract himself by looking out of the window, but that fails because he can see the other man’s profile reflected in the glass. He shouldn't be here. He should have said no when Dean asked if they could go for a drive. He should have slammed the door in his face and ignored him. But that would have meant sitting in fuming silence with Jimmy, and Cas feels like he's picked the lesser of two evils. His brother, when he feels wronged, is prickly at best and spiteful at worst and somehow manages to exude it all without saying a single damn word. Dean cuts the engine, jolting Cas from his thoughts, and neither of them speak for a long time.

“So.” Dean rubs the back of his neck self-consciously. “You and Sammy.”

“Yes.” Castiel’s response is clipped and curt, and he sees Dean flinch from the corner of his eye. “And I suppose you're going to pretend you had no idea about that, right?” The pent-up hurt is coming out again, and Cas finds himself blinking away tears of pain. “That Sam never said a word to you about me? That this whole time you weren't laughing behind my back at me?” He knows the last bit probably isn't true. But there's a small part of him, a tiny planted seed, that thinks maybe it could be. And the bitten-out words are a cry for reassurance; sure enough, Dean looks appalled.

“ _Laughing_ at you? Cas…why the hell would you think that? I had no fucking idea you'd slept with my brother! You think I wouldn't have said something before now?”

“We didn't sleep together,” Cas mutters, picking at a rough nail. The memory of the only night they came remotely close makes him cringe internally.

“You didn't?”

“No. He wanted to. And maybe we would have, but _someone_ cut the evening short by calling him up. But I guess you've conveniently forgotten that detail, too?”

“Cas.” Dean reaches for his hand, tentatively at first but then with more confidence when Cas doesn't pull away. He lets his fingers be squeezed gently, but doesn't reciprocate. “You need to be straight with me, because this is too fucking confusing. I honestly have no idea what phone call you're talking about. Please, level with me, man.”

“You do know, you just don't remember.” A single tear makes it’s way down Cas’ cheek, and he raises his hand to brush it away - but Dean gets there first. His fingers are soft on Castiel’s skin, and he knows he should pull away but he can't. He leans into Dean’s touch, eyes half closed, and lets Dean brush more tears away as he tries to control his wayward emotions. “Sam said something to you about me and…I don't know what you said back but…” Cas knows he sounds pathetic now, but after the events of the last week he's past caring. “You both laughed. At me. When I was in the fucking room. How do you think that felt, Dean?”

Dean looks floored, absolutely gutted, by Cas’ words and he moves closer to take both of Castiel’s hands in his. Castiel’s breath hitches and he pulls away from Dean, closing in on himself and turning his gaze to the window so Dean won't see him cry.

“Cas, look at me. Please, give me a chance. Cas, let me explain.”

“What were you saying?”

“It doesn't matter, Cas, please. We were just goofing around, I didn't know you then. I didn't know how wonderful you are; I thought you were just another one of Sam’s conquests. That…that's how he spoke of you. But I didn't realise it was _you_ , because you're so _different_ from everything he said. I didn't make the connection because I was too busy falli- having fun with you.” Dean corrects himself hastily, desperation thickening his voice. “It doesn't matter what he said, Cas, because he's fucking wrong, he doesn't know you like I do. He will never know you like I do. Nobody can.”

“What did he say?” Cas thinks he has the jist, and when Dean’s cheeks pink up he knows he's on the right track.

“That you were…” Dean trails off. “I can't say it, Cas, because I'm embarrassed about how I spoke of you. I shouldn't have done it, it was stupid, and if I knew what I know now I'd have bitten my tongue and told Sam to shut the fuck up.”

“What did he say, Dean? And what did you say that made him react and laugh at me?”

Dean exhales sharply, heavily, and tightens his grip on Cas’ hands. “I didn't know who you were when he told me he'd been on a few dates. Hell, I don't even remember him mentioning you by name, and he said you had a brother not a twin. He said…”

“ _What_ , Dean?”

“That he had been aiming for the hot guy and had ended up with the class reject instead.” Dean’s eyes are dark and filled with sadness, and Cas chokes. He knew whatever Sam had told Dean hasn't been pleasant, but _fuck_ it hurt to hear that. Class reject. Fuck. He feels more hot tears scald his cheeks, and again Dean brushes them away, looking desperate. Cas could swear tears glisten in his own green eyes as he takes in Castiel’s distress. “I'm sorry, Cas, I'm so sorry. He's an asshole, I'll never forgive him for hurting you. I'm so sorry, please believe me.”

Cas is silent for a while, trying not to cry and staring at his hands. “So what did you say to him? That night on the phone?”

Dean’s cheeks flush, but Cas has to respect his honesty. “I told him he should…get what he wants then…go after the hot brother. And I'm so ashamed of myself now. You have no idea.”

*

They sit in quiet contemplation in the Impala for a long time, windows down, listening to the crickets and the birds and he sounds of the nighttime as it grows later. Cas sniffles occasionally and Dean strokes his hands and arms, and murmurs words of apology and reassurance and desperation. Cas knows he's sorry. But it still stings like a bitch.

“Are you and Sam OK?” He breaks the silence and Dean raises his eyebrows curiously.

“Not really. I'm pretty mad at him. How about you and Jimmy?”

“We haven't talked all week. Longest we’ve ever not spoken.” Cas rubs his nose and swipes away the last of his tears. He's exhausted, too numb to be sad any more. “It's…weird. But not bad. Maybe. I think we both need some space.”

“I get it. You know, if you need a place to crash…”

Cas snorts a sardonic, disbelieving laugh. “What, share the floor of Sam’s dorm with you? No thanks.”

“I'm staying at a motel down the road. It has two beds. If you need somewhere.”

“It's fine.” Cas can't deny the thought of he and Dean alone in a motel is a little intriguing, but with everything going on between them it would be the wrong thing to do to end up alone behind closed doors. “Thanks, though.”

A beat passes; Dean rubs circles into Cas’ palm and Cas watches him do it. His skin tingles pleasantly at the touch.

“Did Sam say we slept together?”

“Not exactly. I guess I just assumed…and he didn't correct me.” A guilty flash crosses Dean’s face. “I'm sorry, Cas. For all this shit. I know we’re not good right now, and if it were anyone else I think I'd just let it end. But…do you think we have a shot?” His fingers touch Cas under the chin, and they both seem to lean in just a fraction. “Because I think this could be something really great, you know?”

Cas sighs, softly, into Dean’s mouth. “I know.”

*

Cas climbs into bed later that evening in the dark, long after he's sure Jimmy is fast asleep. He lies on his back, staring up at the ceiling, for the longest time, chasing sleep which doesn't want to come. He's too conflicted, falling so hard for Dean, and so raw from all the fighting that he should be exhausted. But his mind buzzes constantly, and he finds he's lying awake for hours, as the night crawls towards the dawn. He wants Dean. He wants it all with Dean. And Dean wants him too. Him, alone, not as a part of Jimmy or instead of Jimmy. Just him. Just Cas.

When the morning breaks, and Cas is still staring up at a point above him, from across the room he hears a muffled snuffle that sounds a lot like tears, followed by a faint whisper.

“Cas? Are you awake?”

Silence draws out between them, dense and suffocating in the darkness, before Castiel turns away from his twin and closes his eyes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so I REALLY want to sign up for Dean/Cas Big Bang - I have a plot drawn out and the first chapter started - but I have newbie nerves, plus I'm getting married in September and don't know how that would work with posting dates? Advice/tips/should I do it/decide for me??


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 157 subscriptions, you guys are crazy and I love you <3 Thank you for every comment, I read and try to reply to every single one of you!
> 
> And to everyone who gave me advice about DCBB: thank you! I'm going to sign up today, woop!

Normally, on a Saturday, Castiel is up early, pulling on his Nikes and going for a run around campus. Six to ten miles, whatever he fancies on the day and whatever the weather will permit. Then he and Jimmy tend to go out for brunch somewhere and spend the day hanging out. Today, neither of those things happen. 

Cas lounges in bed until well after ten, texting Dean. Across the room, Jimmy hasn't got up either. Cas knows he's awake: he can see the light from Jimmy’s phone under the covers as he curls into a miserable ball, and it looks like he's playing Candy Crush. Cas feels a pang of sympathy as he watches his twin out of the corner of his eye, but a text from Dean draws his attention. 

**Want to hang out later?**

_I don't know. Maybe._

**What can I do to convince you? I can be pretty convincing…**

_I don't know, Dean. I'm still upset about everything. I need some time._

**:(**

_Don't do that._

**I understand. Another time perhaps.**  

_That's it? Didn't take you for a quitter…_

Cas snuggles down under his duvet, smiling to himself. He wants to see Dean again later. His heart, mind, and body are all addicted to the handsome older man, and he feels a thrill of excitement at the thought of Dean’s hand holding his, the spark in his eyes and his cheeky smile, and his sweet kisses. But he doesn't want to make it too easy for the other man. He's still smarting from learning the truth about that phone call, which had haunted him and still continues to do so, but in his heart he knows Dean was genuine with his apology. He's about to reply when he hears Jimmy shift in bed, turning over and staring at Cas across the room. If Cas isn't mistaken, when Jimmy speaks his voice is thick with tears. 

“Cas. It's Saturday.”

“And?” 

The plaintive, unhappy note in his twin’s voice does things to Castiel, makes his heart hurt and makes him want to scamper across the room and spend the morning snuggling with Jimmy until he isn't sad any more. But this time, he can't. He's too angry, and isn't ready to talk it out yet. 

“Do you…we could go get brunch?” Jimmy picks at some fluff on his duvet, eyes downcast. Cas sneaks a glance at him, taking in the drawn pallor of his skin and shadows under his eyes. It's clear his brother isn't sleeping much, if at all. 

“I'm seeing Dean.” The words leave Cas’ lips of their own volition, surprising himself. Jimmy doesn't reply, and Cas takes that as his cue to get up and get dressed. Before he does, he sends a quick text then plugs his phone in to charge up. 

_Pick me up in an hour?_

*

Cas snorts, chokes on his drink, and coughs as Dean hammers him on the back, laughing heartily at him. Cas can barely see him through tears of laughter, but he can make out the sparkle of Dean’s teeth as he smiles at him, only inches away. 

They're sitting in a secluded spot overlooking the bay; Dean had driven for over an hour, Cas’ hands clasped in his, and the initial coolness between them, borne of nerves and awkwardness from the previous day, had melted away as the music blasted and they enjoyed the sun with the windows down. The day is glorious, bright and hot and they're both in shorts and sunglasses, and Cas doesn't remember ever enjoying summer this way before. He had been rendered speechless when Dean had grabbed a paper bag of food and beer from the trunk of the Impala, a blanket for them to sit on, and a long-stemmed red rose which he had made an elaborate show of giving to Cas - it was theatrical and over dramatic, but it was clear how much he wanted to do it by the pink of his cheeks and the slight stammer in his words. Cas has blushed and giggled like a schoolgirl, and had stowed it away in the Impala for safekeeping. 

Now, a few hours later with the sun low in the sky and the afternoon drawing to a close, they've both had more than enough to eat and are lounging side-by-side on the picnic rug watching the water, hands entwined. Dean opens another bottle of beer for Cas, then one for himself, and they talk about not much. Cas’ classes, Dean’s job, what they both want to do in the next couple of years, what's on their bucket list…and with every hour that passes Castiel becomes more and more certain of one startling fact. 

He's falling for Dean. Hard. And if he didn't know better, he would say this is love. Every nerve ending in his body feels alive whenever Dean so much as looks in his direction, and he's interested in Cas and everything about him. He's made a huge effort to make today special, clearly trying to make up for the days before, and Cas feels so wanted. Like he belongs there, on a picnic rug with Dean watching the sun glimmer off the water, not a care in the world. 

Dean turns to lie on his side, facing Cas, and Cas mimics his position, their talking dying down. Dean studies his face, mapping out every inch of his skin with his eyes, bringing a fingertip up to trace the curve of Cas’ lips and to stroke his cheekbones. Cas hisses out a low breath as Dean kisses him chastely, his hand under Castiel’s jaw, drawing him in and keeping him there while Dean sweetly explores his lips. The distance between them closes, and Cas’ hand comes to Dean’s hip, stroking the soft skin under the hem of his t-shirt. The air between them is heavy and cracking with a low-burning desire, and when they break apart they're both pink-cheeked from the slow, closed-mouth kisses. They both _want_.

They kiss lazily for what feels like hours. Eyes locked, green on blue, or closed as they gently make out, a slow head building between them as their hands start to wander. Neither of them notice the darkening sky or the clouds as they roll in, thick and fast. Dean is too caught up with tasting Castiel’s lips, and Cas is enamoured with the way Dean’s warm, honeyed skin feels as he grips his biceps to pull them a little closer. The first either of them learn of the change in weather is when a giant, fat drop of rain hits Dean square on the temple and he squawks in shock. 

“Shit.” They both sit bolt upright, their gazes meeting as they both realise the same thing: the car is a good half hour walk away. And it's about to _pour_ down. Oh, and there's the thunder to prove it. “Cas, grab the blanket, I'll get everything else!”

Dean yanks the door open and shoves Cas into the back seat, climbing in and collapsing on top of him, soaked to the bone and gasping, shaking his head like a wet dog. 

“ _Fuck_! Where did that come from?” Below him, Cas is shaking and Dean checks him with a worried glance. “You OK?”

“Yeah,” Cas gasps through tears of laughter, and Dean breaks into a relieved smile. “I just didn't expect that downpour. We’re soaked!”

His laughter slowly dies away as Dean gazed down at him with a strange, curious, longing expression, and Cas realises just how close they are. He's spread out across the back seat of the Impala with Dean lying between his open legs, the heat from the summer sun and their own bodies mixing with their wet clothes, causing the windows to slowly steam up and it's all suddenly incredibly erotic. Dean’s eyes are dark and sultry, and he's looking at Cas like he's the only person in the world for him. 

“We should maybe…” Dean plucks at Castiel’s wet t-shirt. “Get out of these. Get…dried off.”

“Yeah…”

Cas can feel the change in his breathing. The way his cheeks flush. The tingle down his spine that pools between his legs, that sets his heart racing, that makes him part his lips in invitation for Dean to kiss him. It's just them, lying there together, so close, and Cas suddenly feels too claustrophobic with his shorts and t-shirt on. They're weighing him down with how wet they are, clinging to his skin, and he wants more than anything to feel Dean’s skin against his. But he stops Dean with a shaking hand, just as the hem of his t-shirt is pushed up. 

“Dean…I've never…” he swallows, feeling a swell of embarrassment. “With anyone. Before.”

“Yeah?” Dean kisses him gently, his tongue brushing Cas’ lower lip, tempting him, tasting him. “I’d get to be your first?”

“I…” The shivers running down Cas’ spine are _so_ distracting. “Yes. You would. I…I want you to be. Dean, I want…” Cas fists his hands in Dean’s soaked t-shirt, holding him impossibly closer. “I want this. You. Us. I want to.”

That's all the encouragement Dean needs. He props himself on his forearms, cradling Cas’ face with both hands and then they're kissing like their lives depend on it. Cas’ arms are around Dean’s waist, Dean’s hands are both in Castiel’s hair, and when Dean rocks his hips against Castiel’s and moan they both let out is almost carnal. 

“It's OK, Cas. Whatever you want, it's yours.” Dean breathes against his lips, then Cas’ t-shirt is dropping into a wet heap in the footwell followed soon by Dean’s. Shorts follow, then they're naked and kissing and intoxicated with each other, desire spreading between them as the windows steam up and become opaque, and Cas learns what it feels like to fall in love. 

*

They drive back in silence in the dark, the stars splitting the sky above them in the beautiful calm after the storm, but it's the type of contented, comfortable silence that falls over two people completely at ease in each other's company. Dean, of course, holds Cas’ hand the entire way, and they keep sneaking secretive glances and shy smiles at each other every now and again. Before they had got into the Impala to drive home, Dean had pressed Cas back against the passenger door, cupped his face with both hands and kissed him deeply, whispering against his lips that Cas can come back with him to his motel room if he wants. That they could spend the night together, wake up in each other's arms. And as much as Cas aches to do just that, he knows there's something he needs to do back at home, someone he needs to talk to. He declines regretfully, and Dean just kisses him again, silent and understanding. He opens the car door for Cas, barely able to stop touching him for long enough to do so. 

Back at the dorm, Dean hands Cas the rose and kisses him deeply, smiling against his mouth when someone nearby whoops and wolf-whistles. He twines their hands together until the last possible second, then watches until Cas is inside the building and the door has swung closed behind him before getting into his car, leaning back against the seat and closing his eyes, an unfamiliar and incredible smile tugging at his lips.  

*

Cas pads across the room as quietly as he can, stripping his clothes as he goes; he doesn't want to wake Jimmy by making too much noise. He's showered already, and his skin is damp and sweet-smelling from Jimmy’s honey and lime body wash, and he's pleasantly sleepy. He had taken his time getting dry and dressed for bed in faded, well-washed PJ pants and an old t-shirt, and had caught a glimpse of his own face in the mirror. He had wiped the steam away to look at himself, and he swears he looks different. There's a new spark to his eyes, colour in his cheeks, and his lips definitely have a subtle upward turn. He smiles at himself, and for a split second he maybe sees why Dean thinks he's kinda cute. 

He arranges his pillows and makes sure the window is thrown open to lessen the thick, oppressive heat of midsummer. The air con is good, but he wants the fresh air. Especially after the thunderstorm which has left the air fresh and with the promise of something new. He snuggles down under the duvet, unable to wipe the smile off his face, and checks his phone quickly before plugging it in to charge. As he had hoped, there's a message from Dean. 

**Fuck. I miss you so much already.**

He types a reply with an exhausted, happy smile, then turns to face the wall and shuts his eyes. He knows he's going to dream of Dean and of sleek black cars and picnic rugs and kisses under the stars. 

Just as he's drifting off, he hears the rustle of Jimmy moving around in bed, then footsteps on the wooden floor, quiet and timid. Then the sensation of his sheets being pushed back, a draught down his back for just a moment, then the feel of a warm body lying down behind him. For a moment he's unsure of what to do. He should push his brother out into the floor, tell him to go back to his own bed and promise they will talk in the morning. But the low sound of Jimmy’s breath is comforting and familiar, and soon enough his twin does exactly as he expects. Jimmy turns to lie on his side, facing Cas’ back with only an inch or two between them, and an arm comes to rest tentatively on his waist, and he swears he feels a tremor shudder through his twin right to his fingertips. 

“Cas? Are you awake?”

Cas doesn't answer. But he doesn't push Jimmy away, either. 

*

_Dean? You called? I'm at Jess’ place, what's up?_

**Nothing man, talk later.**  

_You sure?_

**Yeah. I'm just…fuck. Dude. I think I'm in love.**  


	17. Chapter 17

_What the hell, Dean? Are you drunk?_

**Not yet. Wanna go for a beer?**

_I said I'm at Jess’, so no, I'd rather stay here thanks._

**C’mon, I can't sleep. All loved up. I need a chick flick brother-to-brother talk, all feelings n shit.**

_You must be drunk. It's only Cas, jeez._

**Yeah, fuck you Sammy.**

_Wait…you're serious, aren't you?! OK, we need to talk. Pick me up in ten_.

*

Cas wakes up slowly the next morning, a cool breeze ghosting over his skin from the open window, and a smile at his lips. He shifts, feeling someone behind him, and without opening his eyes he turns over and throws an arm over the person’s chest. It's his twin; there's something innate inside him that acknowledges Jimmy’s proximity naturally, without him having to check before cuddling up. It feels like weeks since he's been close in any way to his twin, and now as Jimmy’s arm wraps around his shoulders he realises how much he's missed him. Jimmy is warm and sleepy and smells of the same honey and mint body wash Cas used the night before; he's familiar and comforting, and Cas enjoys cuddling for a while, on that sweet cusp of sleep where his dreams are at his fingertips.

“I miss you, Cas.” Jimmy murmurs into his hair, sounding just as sleepy as Cas feels.

“‘m right here.” Cas replies, stretching out and yawning deeply. “Shh, five more minutes.”

Jimmy is silent for about five seconds.

“Can we go get breakfast?” A beat. “And…talk?”

Cas stretches again, then pushes himself into a sitting position, his weight on one arm as he runs a hand through his unruly hair. He has no idea what time it is, but it must still be pretty early. For a minute, he can't remember exactly why he feels so good, but then he shifts and the ache in his thighs reminds him: he slept with Dean. He slept with Dean. He falls back onto the pillows as an uncontrollable grin spreads across his face, and reaches across his twin, flattening Jimmy in the process, to scrabble for his phone. Sure enough…

**Morning, handsome. Sleep well?**

And Cas can't contain a squeak of excitement. Jimmy stares at him with wide, uncomprehending eyes until Cas has finished texting him back, then says, “What's going on?”

“OK.” Cas turns to lie on his stomach, propped up on his elbows with his phone in his hand as he waits for a reply, his feud with his twin momentarily put on hold because he _really_ needs to talk to Jimmy about all this. He can't stop smiling, and Jimmy is looking at him warily, like he's lost his mind. “I have to tell you something.”

“All right…” Jimmy turns to lie on his side, pulling the comforter up over them both, then changing his mind as the summer heat instantly makes them both sweat and shoves it down to their thighs. “Is it about Dean?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you…?”

“Maybe…”

“ _Cas_!” Jimmy punches him lightly on the shoulder. He still looks sad and a bit spooked by Cas’ sudden desire to talk to him, but his eyes are shining. “Last night? Why didn't you tell me?”

“I'm telling you now!” Cas feels like they've both regressed five years to high school chatter, but the easy familiarity between him and his twin is returning and he's missed it more than he cares to admit. “I wasn't going to wake you up the second I got in just to say ‘hey, guess what I just did?’, was I?”

“You should have! Anyway, details. Where were you? Did he wine and dine you first?”

“Kinda. Picnic by the bay. And…in the back of his car…” Cas blushes prettily as Jimmy squawks with laughter, and it feels like things are back to normal between them, just for a moment. Light sparkles in Jimmy’s eyes and he grins at his twin.

“The back of his _car_ , for your first time? Kinda slutty, Cas…”

And it's a joke. It's meant to be a joke. It's the kind of stupid, borderline offensive thing Jimmy normally comes out with and if they hadn't had such a violent and explosive fight just days before then Cas probably would have laughed and childishly tried to shove Jimmy out of bed. Instead, he feels a cold chill sweep through him and sits up suddenly, all hilarity suddenly gone as though a vacuum has opened up between them, and Jimmy claps a hand over his mouth as he realises what he's said.

“Cas, I didn't mean…I was joking, I swear.”

“Yeah, Jimmy, I know.” But there's ice in Castiel’s voice as he remembers his brother sneering at him, shaming him, and he pushes Jimmy’s legs to get him to move. “Out of the way, I want to get up.”

“Cas, can't we-”

“No.” Cas knows he's overreacting, his tone too sharp. His brother deserves a chance. “I want to get up, Jimmy, move.”

Jimmy sits up and draws his knees in to his chest wordlessly, glassy blue eyes following Cas’ every move as he looks out his clothes for the day with jerky, offended movements. A knot of pain and sadness builds in Jimmy’s throat as Castiel’s harsh words echo in the silence between them.

_…I wish you'd never fucking come to Stanford! You're ruining everything for me! Everything…_

And the younger Novak twin can't hold back a sudden sob. Cas glances at him wildly, sudden concern lighting up his eyes before it's forced down behind a barrier, and Jimmy buries his face in his hands, resting on his knees. His words are muffled, thick with tears, and he sounds wrung-out and exhausted.

“I can't take this any more, Cas, I _can't_. This isn't _us_ , we don't _do_ this, it's killing me. Cas, I need you. I need my brother. I need…I need…I'm so sorry!”

Sniffles, then the sound of outright sobs, and Cas gives in. He sits down on the edge of the bed in his sweatpants, bare-chested, and wraps a tentative arm around his twin’s shoulders. Then, when Jimmy doesn't stop crying, both arms. And his brother falls against him, letting every emotion from the last week out, and literally crying on Castiel’s shoulder.

“I’m so sorry for what I did, Cas. I'm so fucking sorry.” Jimmy’s voice cracks and Cas’ heart clenches painfully. Seeing his twin so distraught is torture for him. “And for everything I said, I didn't mean any of it, you must know I didn't!”

“Shh, hey, it's OK.” Cas rubs Jimmy’s back soothingly, feeling more like a big brother than ever, as Jimmy shudders and sobs and descends into a full-blown, red-cheeked, snotty-nosed crying fit, and they end up with Cas lying back down in bed, cradling Jimmy at his side while his twin sobs into his neck. He knew his brother was upset, but he's awash with guilt at realising just _how_ upset. He assumed their lack of contact over the last few days was mainly down to anger rather than pain. Or maybe a mixture of both. It seems he misread his twin, not for the first time in their lives.

“I'm so sorry, Cas.”

Jimmy's sobs have receded to dull sniffles, finally, and Cas knows he must be feeling headachey and feverish, the way one does after crying for a long time. His twin’s voice is low and nasal, and he wipes his eyes and nose on the back of his hand - it should gross Cas out, but it doesn't. Nothing about Jimmy will ever be gross to Cas.

“I'm sorry, too. I never wanted us to fight. Not over guys; we should have stuck to that brother code, right? You and me against the world.”

“You and _Dean_ against the world.” Jimmy mutters childishly, but snuggles closer to Cas. The room is hot and sticky, and they should really get up and shower but the air between them is loaded and they need to talk it out before the problems between them become more rotten and convoluted.

“It is not.” Cas strokes Jimmy’s bare shoulder, then pinches him a little too hard. “Don't punish me for having a boyfriend. You're still my number one; I shouldn't have to tell you that.” A beat of silence. “Just don't tell Dean I said that.”

Jimmy sniffles, wet and childlike, and Cas can't help but pull him closer. He's always looked after Jimmy, and there's an unspoken promise between them that he always will. Jimmy turns giant, glistening blue eyes on him, fat tears clinging to his lashes, and Cas smiles at him genuinely, for the first time in days.

“You really like him, huh?”

“Yes. I do.”

“‘m sorry. For sleeping with Sam. For everything I said. For punching you.”

“Yeah, well, I kinda deserved that.” Cas nibbles a fingernail. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know.” Jimmy allows Cas to nudge his chin up, and his fingers trace the fading scratch marks on his throat. He grips Cas’ fingers and blinks at him with a shaky smile. “It's fine. I deserved it.”

“You didn't. And it's not fine. But…it will be. We will be.” Cas kisses his brother on the temple, an intimate gesture he rarely does, and Jimmy wriggles against him, because he knows it Castiel’s way of forgiving him. They lie there for a while longer, until the heat becomes too sticky and oppressive, and Cas disentangles himself and stands up to rummage in his drawer for a t-shirt. He needs a shower, and Dean wants to take him for lunch. He's so distracted that it takes him a minute to realise that his twin still hasn't got up from the bed.

“You said…” Jimmy swallows audibly. “You said you wish I'd never come here with you. Did you…do you mean that?”

And all Cas can do is stare helplessly at his twin. Because his answer isn't a yes, because he loves Jimmy and being apart would be difficult for both of them, he knows that. But it isn't a no. Because being around Dean has shown him that he can be _someone,_ when he isn't in Jimmy’s shadow. And he likes that someone. He can't go back to being the twin that fades into the background.

But he doesn't know how to be this new Cas with Jimmy around. He doesn't know if he can. But he knows he wants to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having some minor surgery tomorrow then I'm off work for 4 days, so you'll either see not much of me or a lot of me, depending on how it goes. Here's hoping for the latter, and that I get some good writing hours in while snuggled on the sofa with ice cream and Netflix :)


	18. Chapter 18

“Sooo…”

Sam and Dean sit in uncomfortable silence at a bar - the very same one Dean spent an _extremely_ pleasant evening in with Cas, kicking his ass at pool - deliberately not looking at each other. Dean picks at the label on his beer, pushing down his irritation at Sam, while Sam pretends to look at something on his phone.

“You and Cas.”

“Yup.” Dean takes a long drink, his lips making a low _pop_ sound as they part with the glass bottle. “Me and Cas.”

Sam sighs, sensing that his brother is unlikely to make this easy on him. He signals the bartender for another couple of beers and waits for them to arrive before speaking again. He knows he’s fucked everything up. Hurting Cas, leading him on, then going for Jimmy far too quickly…but it all just _happened_ , and truthfully he didn’t really think about what he was doing. He had paid so little attention to Cas that he hadn’t really given much thought to it when he declared they weren’t really into each other, and when the Novak twin hadn’t seemed too concerned he had thought ‘what the hell’ and gone for it, asking about Jimmy. He figured Cas would say no if he didn’t want them to date, he thought they were at that point. Evidently not. And, for some reason, Cas hadn’t been honest with Jimmy, hadn’t told him they had been out. Which, to Sam, seems pretty odd since the twins are inseparable. Some nasty rumours have floated around campus about them in the past, and while some slightly perverse students may think the twins’ relationship is too close Sam just sees them as brothers. But after the events of the last week, he wonders if they’re actually as close as everyone thinks they are. As close as _they_ think they are.

And now, Dean has ended up with Cas somehow. He still has no idea how that happened. Of course he knows they met in a bar and kissed, but he’s still trying to figure out at what point along the way Dean fell for him. Cas isn’t Dean’s type. Dean’s type is either busty, flirty blondes with too much perfume and too much confidence, or surly, growling men with little to say and a lot of energy to expend in bed with him. Sam has spent many a miserable night listening to his brother’s conquests from his room down the hall, and it had been a blessed reprieve when he had gone off to Standford. Living with Dean while he saved for his college admission had been a blessing, his older brother a saint to ask him for no rent or money for bills, but he and Dean do _not_ share the same views when it comes to cohabiting. Even Sam’s half of the fridge always stood in stark comparison to Dean’s. Dean had been cut up when he left, but it was for the best. They were growing up, and to prevent them from growing apart they needed their space.

“He isn’t your type.” Sam blurts out, and immediately regrets it when Dean grunts at him and glares. “I just…I don’t get it, Dean. Why him?”

“Are you fucking serious?” Dean swigs his drink, clanks the bottle down on the bar and turns on his brother. “I don’t think you’re in any position to question me here, Sammy. You managed to fuck both those twins over within the space of a week, and your stupidity nearly came between me and Cas. Fuck. How did I raise such an idiot for a brother?”

“Excuse me? I’ve watched you sleep your way across the fucking state, so don’t you judge me-“

“Yeah, maybe I have, but I don’t lead people on if I’m not into them. I don’t fuck two siblings in one week if they aren’t both OK with it.”

“And you don’t think that’s their fault? I didn’t fucking know that they hadn’t talked, did I? I thought Cas gave me the go-ahead, and Jimmy was practically gagging for it!”

Dean clenches his fists. He hasn’t come this close to hitting Sam for years. Not even when he walked in on a barely-dressed Jimmy in his brother’s dorm room, not when his brother had grinned and asked Dean if he was jealous that Sam had fucked two twins in one week. Forgetting entirely that Sam hadn’t in fact slept with Cas, and Dean can’t work out why Sam is still maintaining that he did. And as much as he thinks that Jimmy is a jumped-up little shit who steals the limelight from Cas like it’s his fucking hobby, he doesn’t like hearing his brother talk so callously about anyone, least of all the twin brother of the guy he’s falling hard for.

“You didn’t fuck Cas.”

“Nah. Wanted to at the time.” Sam shrugs. “Good job I left him to you, huh? One twin each.”

And it’s the flippant tone in Sam’s voice that does it. Dean is off his bar stool and has Sam up against the wall by the front of his jacket before either of them really realise what’s happening. As Dean gazes into the eyes of the brother he pretty much raised from a child after their parents died, at this moment he barely recognises him. Sam has always been the kinder, more sensitive one - aside from a spate in high school when Dean had to reprimand him for bullying younger kids; the teachers attributed that behaviour to the death of their parents, and told him Sam was just processing it all, although it didn’t stop Dean’s disappointment in his little brother. Now, he seems shut off, like the twins have been a game for him, and Dean never thought he would look into his brother’s eyes and feel disgust. Feel arrogance coming off him in waves. See him smirk even as he’s held against the wall.

“What, Dean?” Sam shoves him and Dean shoves back, harder. “I’m taking after you, right? Thought this is the kind of thing you did? Notches on the bedpost and all that?”

“No, Sammy, it isn’t. I thought you were better than this. That I’d taught you better.”

“If this is about Cas-“

“Damn fucking right it’s about Cas. And Jimmy. And the way you don’t even give a shit that you hurt them both, and me, in the same fucking week!” Dean shakes him, then lets go and steps away. “I’m just…so disappointed, Sammy. I thought coming to visit you this summer would mean the time of our lives. Not this twisted shit.”

“Yeah?” Sam straightens his clothing, runs his hand through his hair and reaches for his drink. “You’re the one letting the twins come between us.”

“No, Sam.” And there’s a deep sadness in Dean’s voice this time, as he chucks some money on the bar and sends his brother a look of pity. “You’re the one who’s done that.”

*

“You don’t have to stay at the motel. You can come back to the dorm. Floor not comfy enough?”

Dean reaches across Sam and opens the Impala door, a sure fire sign that he should get out. The air is warm and sticky, and a storm is on the way. It’s late, he wants to sleep, and he wants to see Cas. The sooner he gets his head down in his motel, the sooner he wakes up and can make arrangements to see the guy he’s quickly starting to think of as his boyfriend.He wonders if Cas thinks the same.

“I know. I just think it’s best if we get some space right now.”

“Dean, you’re only here for a few more weeks. I don’t want to spend them fighting.”

“No, I don’t either. But I just need some space. I wasn’t planning on this, you know?” Dean runs his hands through his hair in distracted unhappiness, hating the atmosphere between him and his brother. “Coming here, falling for someone in your class. It just happened, and I hate _how_ it happened. I want us all to get past it. Cas is different, and yeah I know he’s not my type but I think that’s the whole point. He’s sweet, he’s smart, he’s quirky and so…I don’t even know. I can’t put it into words. He’s just…”

Sam is staring at him with a strange look in his eyes, and he reaches across to put an awkward hand on Dean’s forearm. When he speaks again, he sounds contrite.

“I get it, Dean. I do. I’m…I’m sorry it all went down like this. I hope we can fix it. I hope the twins are OK.”

“Me too, Sammy. Me too.”

*

It’s early, but not too early. Dean squints in the early morning sunlight, kicks the sheet off before he can get sticky and sweaty since the air con in the motel room is crappy, and reaches for his phone to text Cas. He feels a thrill in his chest at the thought of the other man, pictures him asleep in bed, sheets draped over his middle, shirtless and sexy as hell and all Dean wants is to wrap his arms around him and hold him until he wakes up. Maybe tonight Cas will consent to staying at the motel with him. While sex with his boyfriend is obviously of interest, he can’t stop thinking about the rest of it. The kissing, the making out, the feel of Cas’ skin, the sparkle of his eyes. And, although Dean never thinks of himself as a cuddler, he wants nothing more than to spend all day in bed cuddling with Cas.

**Morning, handsome. Sleep well?**


	19. Chapter 19

“You're joking.”

“I'm not.”

“Well, you'd better be.”

“I'm _not._ ”

Dean and Cas are lying on their stomachs in bed, in Dean’s motel room, stripped naked with the sheets thrown off them, enjoying the warmth of summer and the soft puffs of air from the semi-useless air con. They're sweaty and sated from an afternoon of making love, and Cas’ thighs ache pleasantly. The memory of Dean’s lips and tongue caressing his most intimate place makes him blush and he buries his face in a pillow to hide it. Dean tickles Cas, who laughs and wriggles away, only to be caught in Dean’s embrace and pulled back towards him, the older man pressing kisses to his neck as he wraps himself around Castiel’s back.

“Ugh, it's too hot to cuddle.”

“We could do other stuff…” Dean runs a finger up Cas’ thigh to his hipbone, and his boyfriend - yes, _boyfriend_ ** _,_** they had that talk last night - giggles and shimmies against him.

“Too hot for that too. And you've worn me out already, at least let me get my mojo back before round two.”

“Your _mojo_?” Dean kisses the back of his neck, licking away drops of sweat at his hairline and inhaling the delicious smell of _Cas_. “You weirdo.”

“But I'm _your_ weirdo.” Cas smiles, hugging a pillow close to his chest. “And the answer is no, by the way.”

“No?”

“ _No_ , Dean, I am not going on some weird double date with our brothers.” Cas shudders at the idea, disentangles himself and gets up to walk naked to the fridge for drinks. A fortnight ago, the thought of walking around naked in front of anyone would have made him blush right down to his toes. But Dean brings out a new confidence in him that he never knew he possessed. He tosses Dean a perspiring beer, and opens a can of Coke for himself. “Do you have any idea how awkward that would be? Do you think they would even say _yes_?”

“It might smooth things over.” Dean sits against the headboard, legs splayed out in front of him, and watches Cas pull the ring on the can and tip a generous amount into his mouth, watches as his throat moves to swallow the cool drink and feels his body respond. Cas is leaning a hip against the counter, naked and tanned body gleaming with sweat and his hair in gentle curls from the heat, and Dean could just eat him up. “Build bridges. That kinda thing.”

“Nope. Not happening. I have no desire to share a table with your brother for an hour, sorry. And I can just picture Jimmy’s face if I even suggest it. I don't even know where you got the idea; Sam and Jimmy hate each other.” Cas wipes his mouth with the back of the hand holding the can, and grins at Dean’s appraising gaze running over his body. “Stop it, you're making me blush.”

“Come back here and I'll make you do much more than blush.” A wolfish grin spreads over Dean’s face and Cas laughs, shaking his head. He's too hot to even _think_ about sex right now.

“Honestly. A double date is the worst idea I've ever heard. And I grew up with _Jimmy_. He's the king of bad ideas.”

“And I'm the king of good ones. We can balance each other out.” Dean sips his beer. “I know you love him, Cas, I mean c’mon, he's your brother, you kinda have to. But sometimes he's not good for you. You need to stand up for what you want, too.”

“I know.” Cas stares at his fingernails, suddenly apparently entranced. Dean’s little spiel may seem apropos of nothing to some people, but in the short time they've known each other Dean has proved to almost be able to read his mind. And his heart, but Cas doesn't quite dare think about that yet. “And I know you think he's an asshole. And he _can be_. But his heart is in the right place. He's not flawless, none of us are; I know I'm not, so I can't expect him to be. I don't just love him because he's my brother, I love him because he's…he's Jimmy. He's all I've ever had.” A note of sadness enters Cas’ voice and Dean scrambles to get off the bed. “He's all I've got.”

“Hey,” Their naked bodies are close now, Dean taking the can from Cas’ hand and setting it down so he can wrap an arm freely around his boyfriend’s waist. With his other hand he tilts Cas’ chin up and kisses him, beautifully soft. “He may be all you've had. But you've got more than him now.” Another kiss, and Cas smiles into it. “You've got me. And I ain't going nowhere.”

“You are, though.” Cas tries not to let the tremor show in his voice. Dean is stroking his lower back and it feels so good. Not arousing, just…intimate and close and he sighs against the other man’s mouth before nudging him back an inch. “In what, four weeks? Less? You're going home, and then we…” He swallows, trying to sound aloof but failing miserably. “I guess we’ll see. Right?”

“Right.” But the tone in Dean’s voice is very different. It's warm and secure, and he lowers his mouth to Castiel’s and kisses him deeply until Cas is melting against him. “We will definitely see.”

Then they're kissing, and the only thing that exists any more to Cas is his boyfriend’s beautiful naked body. Dean's hands come up to his chest, thumbs brushing gently over both nipples at once and Cas gasps into his boyfriend’s mouth, shivering, and Dean repeats the motion.

“Wanna fuck, baby?” He murmurs into Castiel’s neck, and the only answer is Cas wrapping one leg then the other around Dean’s waist, allowing himself to be picked up and carried back over to the bed amid steaming hot kisses.

*

“Do you want a strawberry milkshake too, Cas?”

“Vanilla. Please.”

“OK. One strawberry, one vanilla, and for you, Jimmy?”

“Chocolate. With sprinkles. And whipped cream.”

“Watching the waistline, huh?”

“Fuck off, Sam.”

“OK, OK, touchy, touchy. One strawberry, one vanilla, one chocolate with everything he asked for, and Dean?”

“A beer, please. Whatever you've got. Gonna need it to get through this hell on earth.”

“This hell was _your_ idea, remember?” Jimmy glares, leaning back in the booth with his arms folded across his chest, sitting way too close to Cas as though he wants to wear him as armour. “ _We_ got forced into it.”

“I don't remember Cas complaining.” Dean can't help but quirk an eyebrow and sniggers as Cas blushes prettily. The waitress raises her eyebrows as she gathers the menus and quickly departs from their table with their order, just as another crowd of students come stumbling through the door into the diner.

“Oh, _gross,_ Dean. Really?” Sam buries his face in his hands as Jimmy squeaks and turns his glare on his brother. Cas just smiles down at his hands and refuses to say anything, and the four of them lapse into a very awkward silence.

Dean stubbornly sips his beer and takes in the sight of the three of them. Jimmy, sulking and pouting and looking like he'd rather be cleaning toilets with his tongue than sitting opposite Sam. Sam, who keeps sneaking furtive, guilty looks at Cas from behind his hair. And Cas, his gorgeous, sweet, shy Cas who was practically dragged along by his hair and is now sandwiched between his brother and the wall with no chance of escape. Dean feels like he's babysitting three petulant children. A jolt of concern barrels through him as he worries that maybe this _isn't_ such a good idea, that Cas was right and them all getting together will cause more harm than good. Apparently Jimmy had kicked up a riot when Cas broached the idea, and if he's honest Sam hadn't been keen himself. Dean is struggling now to remember why he came up with this plan or why they all agreed to it.

For Cas, he reminds himself. For me and for Cas, so our respective siblings won't be at war, and for Sam to practice his apologies.

“Sooo…” he takes a sip of his beer. “Sammy, didn't you have something you wanted to say to Cas?”

Sam glares, and Dean shrugs innocently, hiding his smile behind another sip of his drink.

“Um, yeah.” Sam seems to be practicing origami with a napkin. “So…how did you do on Crowley’s exam?”

Cas narrows his eyes and tilts his head, and Dean wants to land his forehead on the Formica table. Not what he had in mind.

“Fine. I got an A.” A silence, in which Jimmy rolls his eyes and mutters ‘teacher’s pet’, earning him a nudge from his twin. “And you, Sam? How did you do?”

“Oh, fine as well. I got a B.”

“Oh.” Cas pulls an exaggeratedly sympathetic face. “Well, better luck next time.”

Dean chokes, Jimmy snorts with laughter, and Sam looks like he could quite cheerfully strangle Cas at that moment. Cas just smiles demurely at him, and the waitress thankfully chooses that moment to appear with their drinks. They order food as well, Sam and Jimmy bickering over which burger is the best on the menu, while Dean quietly orders for him and Cas - he knows what Cas’ favourites are, and the shy, pleased smile he gets in return makes his heart leap.

“I got an A in my last assignment, _too_.” Jimmy’s arms settle more firmly across his chest and he practically spits fire at Sam across the table. He cannot _stand_ to be left out, cannot bear it when Cas is acknowledged and he isn't.

“Oh? In what? Being a sulking teenager?”

“Excuse me? I think that's what _you're_ excelling in, don't you agree, Cas?”

“Don't bring Cas into this! Can't you hold a conversation on your own without him bailing you out?”

“Ex _cuse_ me? Bailing me out?” Jimmy rounds on Cas, who stares back with wide, disbelieving eyes. “What the hell have you been telling him?”

“Nothing!”

“Oh? There's something to tell?”

Sam leans forward, hands clasped on the tabletop, looking intrigued. At once, both twins exclaim ‘No!’ far too quickly, then both flush identically. Dean can see why people can't tell them apart; they share the same mannerisms, the same bright blue gaze when they're freaked out about something, and their hair is somehow identically messy and artfully unstyled. But somehow, Cas will always stand out in a crowd to Dean.

“Go on, Cas, share. How else have you bailed Jimmy out in the past?” Sam has a devilish grin at his lips and, if Dean didn't know better, he would say there was a flash of desire there too. Is this Sam’s equivalent of pulling a girl’s pigtails in the playground…? Because if so, then Dean seriously needs to have a word or two with him about his techniques. “Because honestly? You _do_ seem like the more Stanford-esque twin, if you catch my drift-”

“Aw, fuck off, Sam.” Jimmy throws, actually _throws_ , the straw from his milkshake at the younger Winchester, sending chocolate milkshake splattering over everyone. Cas recoils, and Dean hands him a bunch of napkins while wiping himself off. “I got into Stanford on my own _just fine_ , so go screw yourself.”

“Yeah? Why Stanford, though?” Sam presses, and Dean watches as Cas’ ears prick up. “Did you actually wanna come here, or was it easier just to follow Cas? Blindly be led wherever he goes without having to bother to think for yourself?”

“Yeah, you know what?” Jimmy scoots out from the booth and tosses a few notes at Cas. “This isn't worth it. Sam Winchester is still a dick, and this little outing has just cemented that idea. Thanks, Dean, this has been great fun.”

And he's gone, high-tailing it from the diner with flushed cheeks before anyone can speak, and Dean reaches across the table lightning-quick to grab Cas’ wrist to stop him going after his twin.

“Let him go, Cas.”

And in a movement that shocks them both, it's Sam who rolls his eyes and says, with irritation, “ _I’ll_ go,” and follows Jimmy from the diner. Dean takes the opportunity to move to the other side of the booth, sliding in next to Cas and stealing a sip of his milkshake. He tries not to feel too dejected by his plan failing, but in hindsight he should probably have seen a squabble coming. He just hoped they could have made it through dinner before someone stormed out. But from the look on Jimmy’s face, something Sam said had hit a nerve.

“I get why you did it. Wanted us all to come together.” Cas nudges Dean’s forehead with his own, trying to cheer him up. “And hey, baby steps, right? You tried. And I appreciate it, I hope you know that.” Castiel’s smile is genuine and sweet, and Dean can't help but return it. He laughs quietly, slinging an arm around Cas’ shoulders to pull him close and kiss his nose.

“You're the best, Cas, I love you.”

And they stare at each other, both in shock, for the longest time. Dean instantly wants to take it back, it's too much too soon and _fuck_ what if he's scared Cas to death and oh, god, _why_ did he let that slip out and…

Cas leans in and kisses him, deeply, tasting of vanilla and sugar, and Dean’s brain short-circuits. It comes to life again seconds later, when Cas whispers against his lips, “I love you too, Dean.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few more chapters to go!

“Jimmy? Jimmy, hey, wait up. Jimmy!”

Sam jogs to catch up with the younger Novak twin as he strides purposefully away from the diner with his hands shoved into the pockets of his shorts, and grips his arm to get him to stop. Instantly, Jimmy shakes him off and glares daggers.

“The hell are you doing out here? Leave me alone.”

Sam doesn't miss the glance towards the diner, the slight furrow of Jimmy’s brow as he realises his twin isn't following him, the flicker in his eyes, the darkening of his pupils. He's surprised, although Sam isn't. He's seen the way Cas looks at Jimmy, and he's seen the way Cas looks at his brother. Cas is spreading his wings, spreading them towards Dean, and Jimmy isn't his number one any more. Problem is, Jimmy either doesn't realise or doesn't want to realise that he's been part of Castiel’s problem, even if it's glaringly obvious to anyone in a five mile radius.

Jimmy is well-liked on campus. He's popular, intelligent, charismatic, and has lots of friends. But that popularity placed him on a lot of people’s radars, and norm everything said about him is pleasant. Other students have noticed how he clings to his twin, and he doesn't hide his abandonment fears as well as he thinks he does. It's no wonder that some people have branded their relationship as unhealthy behind their backs. And Sam has seen first-hand how disjointed the twins can be.

“Go away, Sam.” Jimmy stares stubbornly down the palm-lined street, the low afternoon sun casting warm shadows over the meandering throngs of students and glinting off car windscreens.

“You didn't have to leave.”

“Uh, yes I did, because I didn't want to sit and listen to you insult me in front of my brother and his new _boyfriend_.” Sam can practically hear the air quotes around the word ‘boyfriend’. Jimmy is doing nothing to hide his jealousy. The dark-haired twin turns and stalks away, but Sam follows him, barely a step behind.

“Why do you hate Cas having a boyfriend?”

“What?” Jimmy skids to a halt, and for one unsettling second Sam thinks he might hit him. The fire in Jimmy’s eyes is barely concealed. “I don't hate it.”

“Oh, come on. It's so obvious, Jimmy. You should be happy for Cas, and you're blatantly not. Is it because you think he's choosing Dean over you?”

“Yeah, fuck off, Sam. I'm going home.”

“Hey,” In an uncharacteristic display of sensitivity, Sam follows Jimmy and pulls him gently to a stop. He goes to speak, but something in the younger man’s face stops him. He's upset, no doubt, but this is a deeper kind of upset, soul deep, something that has clearly been building for a long time. Jimmy’s blue eyes are almost glowing, and his hands are clenches into fists at his sides, cheeks flushed and angry. Sam thinks better of saying anything more about Cas and Dean for now. “Let me walk you home.”

“What?” Jimmy looks utterly pole-axed. “Uh, no thanks, I'm fine. You're kinda the last person I'd want walking me home.”

“Thanks.”

“Not sorry.”

“Well, I'm going that way anyway and it seems silly to walk two steps behind you the whole way. So…humour me?”

Jimmy rolls his eyes, but doesn't argue. He turns and carries on walking, and after a moment’s pause Sam catches up and falls into step behind him, both of them lapsing into thoughtful, albeit tense, silence.

*

Cas tastes like cinnamon and coffee and Dean can't get enough of him. It's 7am, Cas is up early to go running, but Dean just can't seem to let him go. Because when Cas gets back from his run, he will have to pack his things and go to class, and then he has dinner plans with Jimmy so it means Dean won't see him until at least tomorrow. And that just feels like too long. He currently has Cas pressed up against the door, exploring the flat planes of his stomach under his t-shirt and inching it up slowly, and his tongue is mapping out the inner contours of his boyfriend’s mouth. Every so often, Cas will whisper some half-baked protest or pretend to nudge him away, only to draw him back in and kiss him like the world is ending.

They've talked about the incident in the diner over and over again, and Dean is working on Cas to agree to do it again. Cas always shakes his head no, says that Jimmy despises Sam and wouldn't want to be in a room with him for more than a minute, and maybe in a few weeks they can try again. The only problem is, in a few weeks Dean will be gone. That's something they don't talk about.

“Skip class today.”

“I can't. I have an assignment due.”

“I'll grade it. You'll get an A, I swear.”

“Dean, this is actual college, I need these grades to pass.” Cas giggles against Dean’s mouth and earns a nip to his lower lip in response.

“And I need you.” Dean walks backwards towards the bed until his calves connect with the frame and he sits down, guiding Cas until he's straddling him and they're kissing again. “Skip your run. We can burn calories in other ways.”

Cas leans back in his arms, spine arching beautifully, and strips his running vest off in one smooth motion. Dean’s t-shirt joins it on the floor seconds later.

“You're so bad for me.”

“And you're so good for me.” Dean kisses Cas’ neck, nuzzling at him, then pulls him back to look into his eyes with a rare moment of intensity. “You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Cas. You know that?”

“Shut up.” Cas blushes, tries to press his face into Dean’s neck, but isn't allowed. Dean kisses him slowly, caressing his stomach and chest with deliberate, erotic strokes and slides a hand into his hair to press their foreheads together.

“I love you, Cas. And I know that's huge, and scary, and probably a crazy thing to say since we've only known each other a few weeks. But when I'm with you…everything seems different. Everything lights up. _You_ light my life up. Make everything seem new and exciting and like I'm seeing it all for the first time.” Embarrassed, Dean starts kissing Cas’ chest so his face is hidden. “I just…I like ya. A lot. I hope you know that.”

“I do, Dean.” Cas cards his hands through Dean’s hair, enjoying the sensation of his lips on his chest, moving from one side slowly to the other, tongue flicking out to lap at his nipples. “I really do. And I meant it when I said I love you too. It's huge and scary, you're right, but…” He tilts Dean’s chin with a fingertip so their eyes lock. “It feel right. You know?”

“I do.” Dean wraps his arms around Cas’ waist and spins them round suddenly so Cas is lying sprawled on his back and Dean kneeling over him. “It is right. It's perfect.”

“You're perfect.”

“Nah.” Dean kisses him, hands shifting to Cas’ hips to slide his running shorts down. “ _We’re_ perfect.”

*

“Fuck.”

“Yup.”

“No. Seriously. Fuck.”

“Heard you the first time.”

“That was…”

“Awesome?”

“A bad idea.”

“Not the reaction I was hoping for. You seemed happy enough five minutes ago.”

“We can't keep doing this.”

Moments pass in silence, the only sounds being low panting, the sounds of two men trying to catch their breath. Then the bed creaks as one of them sits up, shorter and slimmer than the other, and scrabbles around on the floor in search of clothes. A hand comes to caress his sweat-slick thigh, and is batted impatiently away.

“Open the window?”

“In a minute. Busy.”

“It's too hot. Open the window, I'm fucking melting.”

“Fine, give me a second, I can't find my t-shirt.”

The window latch creaks, then a blissfully cool breeze creeps into the room and they both sigh in relief. The air is thick with the smell of sweat and sex, and the heat of the evening is only serving to add to it. The room lights up with a blue glow as the younger man checks his phone with a frown, a flash of guilt crossing his face as he reads a text from his brother.

“We can't do this again.”

“You said that last night.”

“I mean it this time.”

“You said that, too.”

“I don’t even like you. I think you’re a selfish prick.”

“You like certain parts of me.”

“Yeah, your personality isn’t one of them.”

A water bottle cap is unscrewed, and they share sips from it without looking at each other. The room is dim, blinds pulled down, and the sheets have been chucked off onto the floor at some point during the evening. It’s either very late or very early; outside the campus is still and quiet, no birds chirping to signal the dawn. They don't talk for a moment.

“I should go.”

“OK.”

“Don't call me again.”

“OK.”

“Don't say it like that.”

“Like what?” The tone is innocent, but with a wicked undercurrent. The sound of someone being smacked on the arm fills the silence.

“Like _that._ Like you know something I don't.”

A shake of a head. “I don't know what you're talking about.” A pause. “You called me, you know?”

“If you say so.”

Shoes are put on, a baseball cap is found and plonked on top of a dark-haired head, and the door to the dorm room is pulled open, letting a shaft of light spill in.

“Jimmy?”

“What?”

“Same time tomorrow?”

“Sam. This is over. I don't want to see you again.”

Such a familiar sentiment already. The door closes, and Sam turns on his side to wait for sleep to take him. He doesn’t know how it happened. How they fell into bed together that day after the fiasco at the diner. Jimmy was so angry with him, and when Sam had tried to take his arm outside their dorm, just to _talk,_ Jimmy had shoved him away harshly into the wall. Sam, livid and indignant, had shoved him back and then they were scuffling and then…their hands were on each other and they were exchanging angry, heated kisses amid Jimmy’s growls and curses. Four days have passed since then, four long nights spent with Jimmy in his bed, naked and sweaty and moaning oh so prettily. They’re each other’s dirty little secret. And if he knows Jimmy, and the last few days have proved that he does, he will definitely be seeing him at the same time tomorrow.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear Misha only took [this photo](https://twitter.com/mishacollins/status/851093734687096833) for me to use as my avatar on pretty much everything since it matches my username ;)

“You're hiding something.”

 

Cas drops a pile of books down onto the picnic table right next to Jimmy, who starts and almost knocks his drink over in fright. Cas smiles, sitting down next to him and ferreting in his bag for study supplies. 

 

“What the fuck, Cas?” Jimmy grumbles. When he looks back down at his textbook, there's a big red line across the paragraph he was reading, where he's scratched his pen across it by mistake. “Thanks for that.”

 

“Who are you, and what have you done with Jimmy?” Cas opens a bottle of water and drinks half of it in one go. “I didn't think you cared about little things like textbooks.”

 

“I don't, but I have an exam later. And you're distracting me.” Jimmy puts his head down and tries to focus on the typed words again, but Cas nudges him with his foot under the table. 

 

“What are you hiding?”

 

“Huh?” A flush creeps up Jimmy’s neck to his cheeks. “Nothing. Shut up, I'm trying to concentrate.”

 

“Jim _my_ ,” It comes out as a whine, the ‘y’ going on for ages. “Come on, tell me. You can't keep secrets.”

 

“I can.” His twin huffs. “You kept secrets from me, so pot kettle black is all I'm saying.”

 

“So you _are_ hiding something. Are you seeing someone? Is it serious? Tell me, Jimmy, come on.”

 

“When did you become such a gossip queen? Go study or screw Dean or something, leave me alone.”

 

“Fine, keep your secrets; I'll find out eventually anyway.” Cas flicks through his textbook to find the page he needs. “And I think I'll keep you company. You look like you need it.” He stretches his arms above his head and sends Jimmy a wicked grin. "Plus, I'm too tired for another round with Dean."

 

“Oh, _gross_ , Cas.” Jimmy goes to say something else, but cuts himself off in favour of staring at his brother from behind his sunglasses. Cas looks…different. He's used to seeing his brother looking pale and withdrawn, blue eyes dark and shy, clothing slightly dishevelled and often mismatched. He's used to Cas being quiet, placid, spending a lot of time lost in thought and even more time lost in his studies. But something is very different about Castiel, and it takes Jimmy a moment to take in the details. His eyes are sparkling with life, a new rejuvenation which Jimmy is only just noticing which has also added a pleasant upturn to his lips. The tousled dark hair looks like it's been actually styled today, instead of the bed-head look Cas has grown accustomed to. And he's dressed differently, too. An open-collar shirt, sleeves rolled up, skin smooth and starting to tan with being outside in the summer sun and not cooped up in the library. The watch on his wrist looks new as well, and now that Jimmy thinks about it the sunglasses Cas had on the day before were definitely not the battered old ones he's had for years. Has Cas been _shopping_? He's looking at his textbook, distracted, elbow propped on the table and chin in his hand, and there's a very definite vibe of relaxation coming off him. The muscles in his shoulders don't look at tight as they once did. He looks...

 

"Are you happy, Cas?"

 

"Hm?" Cas looks up, then frowns at Jimmy. "Of course. Why?"

 

"I just wondered." Jimmy toys with his pen and won't meet the eyes of his twin. "You look it. Happy."

 

"Of course I'm happy, Jimmy, why would you ask that? It's summer, I have a great brother, a great boyfriend..." A conspiratorial smirk twitches at Cas' lips. "A _really_ great boyfriend.”

 

“Ugh, Cas, stop. I don't want to hear about what you two-”

 

“No, not that. Dean kinda…well, he told me…” Cas trails off, blushing, and Jimmy can't help his curiosity. He leans forward, chewing the end of his pen and waits for his brother to continue, a strange feeling coiling in the pit of his stomach. “Told me he loved me.”

 

And Jimmy knew it was coming. Knew that was what Cas was going to say. What he didn't know was that hearing it is like being doused with cold water, and that it would make his stomach knot and a lump form in his throat. He averts his eyes immediately, knowing Cas will see straight through him, and clears his throat a few times before speaking. 

 

“And…do you love him?”

 

Cas reaches across the table and grips Jimmy’s wrist, the excitement coming off him in waves. When Jimmy can't help but look up, he sees the glimmer of happy tears in Cas’ eyes, sees the way he's fidgeting, sees the helplessly delirious smile splitting his face, and feels his own heart ache. 

 

“More than anything, Jimmy. More than anything.”

 

*

 

"Cas and Dean are falling in love."

 

Jimmy is lying on his back on Sam's bed with his hands clasped behind his head, staring at the ceiling. The windows are thrown wide open and the sheets in a pile on the floor, the air in the room thick and heavy from the heat. Sam lies next to him, an inch between them so they don't touch - it's too hot to cuddle, and they don't cuddle anyway. This thing between them, it's just physical. Jimmy doesn't even know why he indulges in it; he thinks Sam is arrogant and selfish and he really doesn't like him much. Plus the gnawing guilt over how much Sam upset his brother keeps kicking in, but then again Jimmy figures it led Cas to Dean, so how mad can Cas really be? He's got a _boyfriend_ now, he's _happy_ , why should he care what Jimmy gets up to any more?

 

"That's a good thing, surely?" Sam turns to look at him quizzically. A bead of sweat tracks its way down his temple, and Jimmy has to resist a bizarre urge to lick it away. "Don't you want your brother to be happy?"

 

Jimmy scoffs, rolling his eyes. "Duh."

 

"Well, you don't exactly sound happy for him?" 

 

"I'm happy for him." 

 

Jimmy can hear it in his own voice: he sounds anything but. He sighs heavily and sits up, running a hand through his hair and scoots to the edge of the bed to find his water bottle. His naked skin is sweat-slick and overheated; he and Sam had spent a very enjoyable evening together but, as always, when they've both come and when they're lying together in what should be blissful afterglow, sadness overtakes the younger Novak twin. What he has with Sam is blind passion, and more often than not it just fulfils his need for the touch of another person. When they're kissing and touching and lying together, Jimmy doesn't have to think. He just has to enjoy. He can shut off the voice in his head that keeps reminding him that Cas had launched such harsh words at him, put aside the cruel little voice that rears up and whispers to Jimmy that his brother is distancing himself on purpose, that Cas has had enough of Jimmy, that he doesn't really want Jimmy any more now that he has Dean to entertain him. It's childish and idiotic, and Jimmy knows that, but it doesn't stop the paranoia. 

 

He starts when he feels a hand on his back, and scrubs away tears he didn't realise were forming, hating himself for being so weak in front of Sam. Not that he cares what Sam thinks anyway, he just doesn't like anyone seeing him cry.

 

"Hey, what's wrong?" Sam's eyes are large and concerned, a strand of hair falling in his face and Jimmy can't stop himself from reaching up to push it away. After a slightly surprised pause, Sam takes Jimmy's hand in his own and tilts his chin up so their eyes meet, blue locked to hazel. "What is it?"

 

"Dunno." Jimmy does know. "Nothing." And it's definitely not nothing. Sam eyes him for a moment critically, then sighs in comprehension.

 

"You're not losing him, you know?"

 

"What?" Jimmy jerks away as though scalded, makes to stand up but is paused by Sam's insistent hand on his wrist. "I know that."

 

"I'm not sure you do." Sam adjusts his position on the bed so he's siting cross-legged, facing Jimmy. The light from the streetlamp outside bounces off his skin, creating an almost ethereal glow. "I don't know what it's like to have a twin. But I know what it's like to have a brother, and I know what it's like to grow up with someone always at your side. Dean was always there for me, and when we started to grow apart and have our own separate lives it was a difficult transition. If I'm way off base then please, tell me. But you and Cas seem so close, and he's never really been with anyone before, right? Not seriously? So I imagine him being with Dean is strange for you because you're used to having him around. Am I close?"

 

"Uh." Jimmy doesn't vocalise a response either way. He twists his hands together, biting his lip until he tastes copper. "I just...I never thought we'd grow apart. I never thought I'd...lose him." His voice cracks embarrassingly on the last two words, and he ducks his head, reddening. Why is he telling Sam all this? He doesn't even _like_ Sam. Jesus.

 

"Jimmy." Sam's tone is serious now, soft and low, and Jimmy just about dares to meet his eyes. "What you and Cas have, it's for life. Nobody is going to break that bond, or come between you. Nobody. Not even my dashing brother. But you need to let Cas spread his wings a little, give him his time to shine. I, uh, kind of got the impression when we went out that he's pretty shy. Doesn't do much apart from study." Sam reaches out, hesitates, then runs a hand through Jimmy's hair. "Dean is good for him. In a way I wasn't. In a way I should have been." There's a twinge of regret in Sam’s voice; something akin to guilt. 

 

"Me, too." Jimmy's voice is small and sad. "Maybe I haven't been good for him either. But I didn't realise, I didn't know. I thought he was happy."

 

"Well, now he is." Sam tilts Jimmy's chin again with a fingertip, still unsure if he should, if he's allowed to touch in this way. "So, try letting him be. Don't stand in his way. Maybe it's the start of a new era for both of you."

 

"Maybe." Jimmy sniffles, wipes a hand over his face, and sips from the water bottle again. He doesn't want to talk any more. Sam’s words are ringing painfully true, and he doesn't want to admit that maybe he's right. That maybe the guy who hurt Cas so much to begin with is correct in his assessment of their situation. That maybe it's his turn to step aside. “It's too fucking hot."

 

“True. We should shower, cool down a bit.” Sam leans in and nips gently at Jimmy’s lower lip, lapping at him gently and breathing in the scent of sweat, sex, and heady musk. “Clean up.”

 

“Mhmm.” Jimmy allows Sam to kiss him, chastely at first but then deeper, stronger, Sam’s hand coming to the back of his neck to pull their bodies together. “Or we could just get dirty again.”

 


	22. Chapter 22

“Jimmy and Sam…”

“Mmm?”

“Are they…?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you think they're…?”

“Shh, Cas.” Dean silences his boyfriend with a passion-fuelled kiss, entranced with the way Cas melts against him on the bed. “I don't want to talk about our brothers.”

“But Dean…mmph!” Another kiss cuts off whatever Castiel was about to say, and he leans into Dean for a moment, enjoying the feeling of his mouth and the hands carding through his hair. Then, regretfully, he nudges him away. Dean looks for all the world like he's about to surge back in for another kiss, but something in Castiel’s eyes stops him. He sighs, sits up, and positions Cas on his lap straddling him, then leans back against the wall to listen. Clearly, whatever the issue is won't go away until Cas has talked it through. The tousle-haired twin picks at a fingernail for a moment, lost in thought, then raises baby blue eyes to Dean.

“Do you think there's something going on between them?”

“Between Sam and Jimmy?”

“Yeah.”

“Between my brother Sam, and your brother Jimmy? Two people who cannot stand the sight of each other?”

“Yes.” Cas huffs, far from amused at Dean’s assessment, feeling mocked. Dean smiles and ruffles his hair.

“I have no idea. What makes you say that?”

"Dunno." Cas twists his fingers together. "Jimmy isn't his usual self. He's hiding something. Some _one_. Normally he'll spill everything if he's seeing someone; I can't get him to shut up about them. But every time I ask, he just clams up and looks really shifty. It's like he feels guilty about something."

"How do you know it's someone?" Dean continues to card his hands through Cas' hair, knowing how much it relaxes and calms him. "Maybe he's just stressed out with studying?"

"Jimmy has never, not once, been stressed with studying." Cas laughs to himself. "That's my affliction. And one I don't foresee him ever developing. I'm sure it's a guy. And I don't know why," Cas shifts in Dean's lap. "But I have a feeling it has something to do with your brother. Has he said anything?"

"No, nothing. But now that you mention it, he's been a bit strange the last few days too. Well, stranger than usual." Dean pulls Cas forward until he's lying comfortably on his chest, and strokes his upper arms, fingers playing beneath the fabric of his t-shirt. "Would it bother you if something was going on?"

“Mmm.” Cas traces circles onto Dean’s t-shirt, tracing the pattern. “I don't know. Would I be a bad person if I said yes?”

“No, no at all.” Dean kisses Cas on the top of his dark hair. “You and Sammy have a history, such as it is. I’d understand if it felt weird for you.”

“It does. I don’t know why.” Cas sighs heavily and Dean rubs his arms in response, alarmed at the wave of sadness coming from his boyfriend. “I want to see Jimmy happy. But I don’t want him to get hurt. And Sam…well, he…”

“I know, Cas. He was a jerk to you. We’ve…had words about it.”

“Yeah?” Cas smiles at him, all wide-eyed wonder. “You defending my honour?”

“Always. Now listen, I have an idea." Dean grins wickedly. "Based on the success of our first double date, how about another? We can sound them out, see what we think and if we can spot anything suspicious. And if we do, we just ask them outright. Then you and Jimmy can talk it out, and maybe my pig-headed brother can work on that apology to you.“

"No way," Cas laughs against Dean's chest. "They won't come."

“They will. I’ll charm them into it.”

“You _are_ pretty charming.”

“Snagged you, didn’t I?”

Then they’re kissing, and clothes are being tossed away onto the floor, Cas’ worries lost amid heated kisses and words of love.

*

“So, Cas and I will order for us all, you and Jimmy grab a table, ‘k?”

Dean takes Cas arm and steers him confidently towards the desk in the diner, leaving Sam glaring daggers at his back, while Jimmy folds his arms and rolls his eyes dramatically. The diner is busy but not crowded, and Dean watches as Sam weaves a path through waiters and customers to a booth near the back. He snickers, kissing the back of Cas’ neck and looking over his shoulder at the menu, undeniably pleased with himself. His plan is working so far. The car journey had been awkward as hell, with Sam riding shotgun and the twins in the back, and conversation had been stilted at best. Dean and Cas had managed to keep their smirks to themselves whenever they saw Sam exchange a look with Jimmy in the rearview mirror.

“This is ridiculous,” Cas snuffles out a giggle. “They’re going to kill us by the time dessert gets here.”

“Mmm, did you say dessert?” Arms snake around Cas’ waist. “Is there pie?”

“Yup. We can share.” Cas flips to the next page of the menu. “OK, I’ll order for Jimmy and I; do you know what Sam wants?”

As the approach the booth, Cas has to hide a smile behind his hand. Jimmy has just thrown the wrapper of a straw at Sam, and although he’s glowering there’s mirth in his eyes. The pair are seated opposite each other, which was part of Dean’s cunning plan - when Dean and Cas slide in next to their respective brothers, Jimmy and Sam are trapped between them and the wall. A fact they don’t seem to realise as they bicker about the weather. The _weather_.

“Even _Cas_ doesn’t spend all day cooped up indoors any more. Look!” Jimmy drag’s his twin’s t-shirt up, exposing a small flash of his brother’s toned abs which now glow with a honey tan, and Cas bats him away, blushing furiously. “It’s not healthy to be that pale, Sam. Get some sun.”

“I’ll met. It’s hotter than the face of the sun.” Sam slurps his milkshake in an uncharacteristic display of childishness. “Maybe if you spent more time _in_ doors, you’d have passed that exam.”

 _What exam?_ Dean and Cas trade a look of suspicion, and Cs nudges his twin.

“You failed an exam?”

“By _one_ percent. I swear, Amara hates me. She could have just let it slide.”

“Well, you have to work for things in life, Jimmy. Not everything comes easy.” Dean flashes him a smile to try and take the sting out of his words, but Jimmy just glares. They lapse into awkward silence until their food arrives, and before Cas can speak to ask Dean if his burger is good, Sam and Jimmy descend into yet another squabbling match. It’s as though they can’t help themselves.

“What kind of person hates pickles?”

“Uh, _you’re_ the one with terrible taste. That hot dog probably has more saturated fat in it that-“

“Oh, give it a rest, jeez! You basically live on rabbit food, you need to broaden your horizons.”

“Yeah? Well you-“

“Oh my _god_!” Dean sits back and laughs heartily; Cas hides his smirk behind his milkshake glass. “You two are like a married couple, I swear! Is there something we should know?” There’s hilarity in Dean’s voice, but it’s laced with something else. Something suspicious and curious, something that Jimmy misses but Sam doesn’t.

“Uh, we are _not_ a couple.” Jimmy turns the colour of a stoplight and seems to avoid everyone’s eyes. “Far from it.” A pause then, an afterthought in a slightly strained tone. “I can’t stand Sam.”

“Sure you can’t,” Dean says easily, patting his brother on the back. “He’s a pain in the ass. But you know, there’s some truth to the whole ‘opposites attract’ thing…” And he looks at Cas as he says it, warmth in his eyes, and Cas can’t help but smile.

“Dean.” Sam this time, with a warning note to his voice. “We’re not anything. We’re not even _friends_. So give it a rest, OK?”

“Fine, fine. But say you _were..._ ”

Dean takes another bite of his burger, signalling to the waiter and ordering more sweet potato fries for Cas, because he knows how much he likes them. Jimmy has retreated into the corner of the booth and is practically sparking with irritation. Cas actually looks alarmed at the expression on the face of his twin; Jimmy actually looks like he’s about to cry, and Dean feels like he’s got whiplash from how quick the younger Novak twin has switched from humour to tearful unhappiness. Jimmy is staring at his brother with a strange look in his blue eyes, and he leans forward like he wants to ask Cas something then thinks better of it and reaches for a bite of his brother’s burger instead.

“You know,” Cas says conversationally, keeping a wary eye on his brother as he addresses Dean. “I don’t think it’s healthy to keep relationships secret, do you Dean? I mean, we certainly learned that lesson, right?” They both laugh, but Sam and Jimmy remain silent and appear to be having some form of mute conversation through eye contact alone. “So if you _are_ seeing anyone, Jimmy-“

“Cas, I need the bathroom.” Jimmy says abruptly, shifting across on the bench and shoving Cas a little harder than necessary. His cheeks are flushed and he looks incredibly flustered. Dean's brow furrows in concern, and a handful of fries stills halfway to his mouth. “Move, please.”

“Jimmy…” Sam reaches across the table, fingers brushing Jimmy’s forearm, and the younger man flinches as though burned. He turns wide, anxious eyes on the Winchesters and genuinely shudder as his gaze finally lands on his twin, who is a picture of concern.

“Cas! _Move!_ ”

Cas almost tumbles from the booth as Jimmy shoves him again, and Dean is on his feet gripping his boyfriend’s arm in concern as Jimmy makes a rapid beeline for the bathroom, distress evident in the firm lines of his shoulders, and they all stare after him in shocked silence.


	23. Chapter 23

“Jimmy? Jimmy, open the door.”

“Go away, Cas.”

“No. Not until we talk. This is ridiculous, you can’t hide in the bathroom all day.”

“Yes, I can.”

“You can’t. They close in a few hours, and your food is getting cold.” Silence. “Come on, Jimmy. Talk to me. You think I can’t handle whatever you have to say? That I don’t already _know_?”

The bathroom door shudders as the lock slides back, then Jimmy’s face appears in the gap, tear-streaked and red-eyed. Cas feels a pang of affection for his brother, but that pang is closely tied to the desire to throttle him. While he’s known his twin can be impetuous and childish, he’s noticed it more since being with Dean, and it’s irksome. It’s time Jimmy learned how to have an adult conversation or two.

“Come out. Dry your eyes.” Cas hands him a handful of paper towels. “And talk to me.” He hops up to sit on the counter by the sink, watching as his twin splashes water on his hot cheeks and wipes his nose. He wants to hug his twin, but is determined not to make this easy on him. Jimmy has to learn, and learn fast before the relationship between the twins becomes irreparably damaged. Cas is sure he has a thing or two to learn as well, but Jimmy is taking the biscuit right now.

“I don’t know what to say, Cas.” Jimmy is staring at his own reflection in the mirror, and not for the first time Cas wonders who he sees staring back at him. Himself or his brother. Because occasionally, when Cas catches sight of his own reflection when he isn’t ready for it, he swears it’s Jimmy’s blue eyes staring back. “How did this all get so fucked up?”

“It’s only fucked up if you allow it to be.”

Jimmy snorts derisively. “Then you _don’t_ know. You wouldn’t say that if you did.”

“Don’t know what? That you and Sam have a thing going on?” Jimmy’s head jerks round in shock, his eyes going wide, and Cas shrugs. “I didn’t until just now. Dean and I wondered though. That’s why we came here, to try to get you to tell us. I guess it worked.”

“Cas, Cas I can explain-“

“Can you?”

Jimmy falls silent, watching his brother, waiting for a reaction that never comes. Cas doesn’t shout at him. Doesn’t strike him. Doesn’t throw curses and insults at him. He just sits there, swinging his crossed ankles a bit, watching Jimmy with an unreadable expression until Jimmy squirms under his gaze.

“It just… _happened_ , Cas. I don't even know how. I _hated_ him for what he did to you. For what happened between us because of him. And when we walked home from the diner last time we all went out, I guess it just all came to a head, and…” Jimmy fists his hands in his hair, tears prickling at his eyes again. Cas still looks the picture of serenity, just staring at him, letting him break down and saying _nothing_ to help either way. “I don't even like him! I don't want to _like_ him! I'll end it, Cas, I swear. Today. Right now. I can't let _anything_ come between us, and definitely not _him_. He isn't worth losing you over.” Jimmy’s voice catches on a sob and Cas frowns. “And I know it's going to happen one way or another, but not over _him_ , and-”

“What are you talking about?” Cas slides down from the counter and reaches up to wipe tears from his twin’s cheek. “You know you're going to lose me? Did I miss that memo?”

“How can I not? You and Dean are all loved up, and now that I've fucked up and gone with _Sam_ …how can you even bear to look at me?” Jimmy sniffles, wiping his nose, and Cas feels like he's seeing his twin for the first time properly all night. Sees how down Jimmy actually is, how guilt-ravaged, and how frightened he is of losing his brother and ending up alone. He's dropped the amateur dramatics, and is just staring at Cas with sad, lost eyes, and Cas gathers him up in a hug. Jimmy melts into it, pressing his face into Cas’ neck and inhaling his scent, starting to cry again. The sobs wrack his whole body, and Cas has to awkwardly rock him like a child until they subside.

“Do you see me going anywhere?” Cas murmurs into his twin’s hair. “Dean and me, it doesn't have to affect us negatively, Jimmy. Why can't I have him and you? Why does it have to be a choice?”

“Because…because…”

“Because you've always had me, and you don't like sharing.” Cas finishes, and Jimmy blushes, hiding his face against his brother’s skin again.

“Something like that.” And it's so honest that Cas raises his eyebrows in surprise, and holds Jimmy just a little tighter. “I don't want him to get things from you that I don't. Wait.” Jimmy pulls back and screws up his face. “That sounded gross. Forget I said that. I meant-”

“I know what you meant. You're not losing me, Jimmy. You and me, it’s for life.”

The words rings so true, so starkly similar to what Sam told him, that Jimmy starts to think he could believe it. That maybe Cas is right. And letting his twin stray from him might not be the worst thing in the world, even though it will definitely be the most difficult.

“You're like an overprotective mother, I swear.” Cas kisses Jimmy on the forehead and hands him another wad of paper towels. “Clean up. My food will be cold.”

“But me and Sam…how can you be all right with that?”

Cas shrugs. “Didn't say I was. But maybe you like him more than you think. And maybe I shouldn't stand in your way. I have Dean, and that would never have happened without all the shit with Sam.”

“So you're not mad at me?”

“I didn't say that. If you two are going to be a _thing_ -”

“We’re _not_!”

“Well if you _are_ , then you'll just need to give me some space to get used to the idea. I think he's a jerk, but hey. I've always had better taste than you.”

“Shut up.” Jimmy shoves his brother, and wipes his eyes. “I'll meet you out there, I need a minute. Oh, and Cas?”

“Yeah?” Cas pauses, hand on the doorknob, and looks back over his shoulder.

“‘M sorry. Love you.”

“Love you, twinnie.”

“If you start up with that nickname, Cas, I swear to god-”

The door swings closed, and Jimmy is left alone with but his reflection for company. A reflection that looks just like his twin brother, smiling back at him.

*

Back at the table, Jimmy stands dawdling for a second, twisting his hands together. Dean notices, and can’t hide a smile. Cas does that too. Must be a family trait.

“I guess…we owe you an explanation.” Jimmy slides into the booth first, next to Sam. Dean had moved while they were in the bathroom to sit opposite his brother - no doubt to steal his fries more easily - and Cas happily takes his seat next to his boyfriend.

“Not really.” Dean heaps fries onto Cas’ plate and gives him half his burger. “Sammy and I talked. And I’m guessing you and Cas did, too. Any more soap opera moments are just going to get awkward. Right?” His tone is jovial, but he shoots a concerned glance at Cas, who smiles and nods at him in agreement.

“Totally. I think we should just enjoy our food and go for a walk or something. That’s what you do on double dates, right?”

“We’re not dating!” Jimmy and Sam both pipe up at the same time, both blushing beet red, and Cas falls about with laughter. Dean grins and steals some of Sam’s milkshake with a sideways look at Jimmy, who looks furious.

“Oh, Cas." Dean grins, ear-to-ear. "This is going to be _so_ much fun.”

*

Cas and Dean walk on ahead, hand-in-hand, talking quietly between themselves. It’s turned from a steaming hot day into a balmy night, and Jimmy can feel his armpits getting damp already. The cool breeze is refreshing after the bite of the air con in the diner. Sam is next to him, keeping pace, but they haven’t said much. Eventually, Sam quirks his steps and nudges Jimmy playfully, trying to make him smile.

“You all right?”

“Yeah. Cas and I talked.”

“You good?”

“Yeah. We’re going to be fine. It’s just going to be a bit weird for a while, but it might make us stronger in the end. You know?”

“Yeah, Jimmy. I do. It can’t have been an easy chat, but hey. You made it through, and you’re both still smiling. That’s what counts.”

“Yeah. You’re right.” Jimmy smiles up at him, and it’s a genuine one. Dimples at the corners of his mouth and shining eyes and everything. “You wanna get a cab or something?” He quirks an eyebrow. “Your dorm or mine?”

“Mine. My bed is much comfier. And I have better lube.” Jimmy snuffles out a laugh that makes Sam grin. But…there’s just…something I need to do first.”

Sam jogs to catch up with his brother, and tugs Dean’s arm until he stops. “Could I…borrow Cas for a minute? I just…need to talk to him about something.”

“Uh, sure. But no stealing my boyfriend. Yours is over _there_.”

“Jimmy isn’t…we’re not… _Dean_!”

“I’m going, I’m going. Hey Jimmy, mind if I walk with you while these two gossip?”

Sam lets them walk by, then falls into step next to Cas. He can’t help but notice the Novak twin’s eyes on his brother at all times, watching Dean’s slightly comical bow-legged gait, and suddenly doesn’t know what to say. Or how to start. Of if Cas wants to hear it at all. But if the last few days with Jimmy have taught him anything, it’s that Cas won’t ever make the first move. And also that he treated Jimmy’s brother like shit, and hurt him more than he realised at the time. Apologies don’t come easy to Sam Winchester, and it takes him a good quarter of a mile to work up to it.

“Are you going to talk, or are we going to walk the whole way home in silence?”

Cas eventually speaks first, jolting Sam from his thoughts, and he mumbles something under his breath.

“Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that?”

“I said…” Get it together, Sam, come on. “Uhm. Your brother. He’s great. Uhm.”

“This sounds familiar.” Cas rolls his eyes. “You got the better twin, right? Dean’s stuck with the loser. You happy?”

“What?” Sam grips Cas’ elbow and pulls him to a stop. “That’s what you think? That’s what you think I think?”

“Kinda.” Cas frowns and folds his arms. Up ahead, Jimmy and Dean have sat down on a bench and are pretending not to watch them. “You dumped me for my brother, and to be honest you were kind of a jerk about it. So it’s pretty hard not to assume that’s how you feel.”

“Jeez. Dean been teaching you how to speak your mind, huh?”

“Maybe. Or maybe I just got sick of being shoved around by everyone, and your brother made me see that. That’s what I like about Dean. He’s genuine, doesn’t hide his feelings, and doesn’t let me hide mine either.” Cas thinks for a moment. “This must be what it’s like to be Jimmy.”

“Yeah. Must be. Look, Cas, I know you think I’m a jerk. And you’re right. I…I treated you horribly. And I guess while you’ve learned a thing or two with Dean, Jimmy’s taught me a bit as well. I’m…I’m sorry, Cas. I’m sorry I hurt you. If I could go back, I’d handle it differently. I hope…I really hope we can be friends.” Sam’s eyes are firmly trained on the sidewalk, and his cheeks are burning, but it doesn’t matter. He did it, he got the words out. And Cas…hasn’t replied. He chances a look up, and Cas is watching him with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, that was…unexpected.” He exhales, and looks away awkwardly. “Thanks, Sam. Uh. Yeah. Thanks. That…means a lot.”

“OK. Good. OK.”

The silence between them becomes stilted and awkward, so they walk on a little more, towards their respective brothers. Cas shoves his hands into his jeans pockets, and is quiet for a moment before asking, ‘So, you and Jimmy?’

“Yeah. I guess we’re…yeah. A thing.”

“A thing.” It’s Cas’ turn now, to grab Sam’s arm and drag him to a halt. “Well, whatever this ‘thing’ is that you have going on, I’m happy if you’re both happy. But Sam…treat my brother the way you treated me, and-“

“I’ll regret it. I know. You’d have to wait in line, though. I think Dean would kick my ass for upsetting his boyfriend's brother.”

“Yes. Well. I’d hate to think of you getting two ass kickings. So don’t fuck it up. OK? Jimmy’s…Jimmy’s awesome. He’s the best. So, whatever this ‘thing’ is? Just…look after him. OK?”

“I will, Cas. I will.”

They catch up with Dean and Jimmy, who are engaged in a heated debate about which actor played the best James Bond, and Cas slips his hand into Dean’s again as they walk. Dean presses a kiss to his cheek and asks if everything went OK, and Cas nods with a shy smile, and they part ways with Jimmy and Sam back at Dean’s motel. Dean fumbles with the key to the door as jokes are thrown at them about using protection and not doing things they shouldn’t be doing, and by the time the key turns in the lock they're both grinning and blushing, giggling like schoolgirls.

As the other two continue walking, Cas swears he sees Sam reaches for his twin’s hand.


	24. Chapter 24

Jimmy and Cas sit together on Cas’ bed, studying. It's quiet in the room, the only sound coming from outside as the birds chirp and the breeze ruffles the leaves of the oak tree that stands too close to their window. Jimmy knows it's too close because the year before, after a beer or five, he tried to climb up it to get to his room and wound up in the emergency room with a busted shoulder and a lecture about sobriety and stupidity from Cas. Damn oak tree. It totally wasn't his fault.

“So, have you and Dean talked?”

“About what?” Cas chews his pencil, then underlines something firmly.

“Well…isn't he going home next week?”

“Tuesday. I'm trying not to think about it.” Cas flips a page. “Pass me a highlighter pen?”

“And you haven't discussed it?”

“Of course we have. But we’ve agreed not to think on it too much. Not a pink one, pick another colour.”

“Why?” Jimmy isn’t ready to let this go.

“I already used pink.”

“No, why aren't you thinking about it?”

“Because it-” Cas clears his throat, his nose suddenly tingling and his eyes burning. “Because we’re going to miss each other, and it will suck for a while. So we want to enjoy the last few days while we can, and not cast a shadow over them. Orange or yellow.”

“So you guys are the Real Deal, huh? Capital R, capital D. All loved up.”

“Yeah. He's awesome, Jimmy, he really is. Super sweet. He treats me well, too well probably.” Cas smiles fondly as he thinks of Dean. “And he's not bad in bed.”

“Not bad?” Jimmy scrunches his nose, looking scandalised. “Cas, if he's just _not bad_ then maybe you need to broaden your horizons a bit.”

“I was trying to spare your delicate little ears.” A wicked grin splits Castiel’s face. “He's _amazing_ in bed. Makes me scream like a porn star. He does this thing with his fingers-”

“Jesus!” Jimmy claps his hands over his ears, horror creasing his face. “OK, OK, the guy’s a sex god, enough already.”

“He is.” Cas smirks. “I'm a lucky boy. How's Sam?”

“Sam? I wouldn't know.” Jimmy sniffs disapprovingly, but his twin just frowns at him then leans over and sniffs the skin of his neck. “Cas! Get off! What the hell are you doing?”

“I thought so. You reek of Hugo Boss. You've been with Sam today.” Cas smiles at him so smugly that Jimmy has a bizarre urge to slap the smirk from his twin’s face.

“I haven't! When did you become a cologne expert, anyway? Is this one of your classes or something?”

“Dean wears the same one. So unless it's _my_ boyfriend you've been kissing-”

“Which it is _not!_ ”

“-then I deduce that it's _Sam’s_ cologne all over you.” Cas nudges his brother and fixes him with a serious expression. “It's all right, you know. If you two are dating.”

“Which we _aren't,_ so there's nothing to discuss. Pass the water, I'm melting.”

“So if I come down to Sam’s later to borrow, I don't know, _anything…”_

Jimmy reddens instantly, and wriggles uncomfortably, refusing to meet his twin’s eyes as he takes the water glass from Cas. “I wouldn't. He's might be out. Yeah. He’s definitely out. Busy. Yeah, I wouldn't waste your time.”

This time, Cas nudges him so hard that he topples off the bed in a shower of papers, pens, and indignation.

“OK, Jimmy. I believe you. Millions wouldn't, but I do.”

*

“Do you think Dean and Cas will be OK?”

Jimmy is sitting on the floor in Sam’s dorm room, reading a textbook with a frown, while receiving what has to be one of the best shoulder rubs of his life from the guy that he _does not like_ , and is rapidly losing interest in studying. Sam leans forward to put his chin on Jimmy’s shoulder.

“Of course. Have you seen them together? They're sickening. They'll be fine.”

“Hope so.” Jimmy chews his pen. “I don't want Cas to get hurt. Again.” He can't resist the barb and feels Sam twitch a little, before those talented hands go back to working the knots from his muscles.

“Dean won't hurt him. He loves him too much for that. It's gross, really. They're like teenagers together.”

“I think it's cute.”

“You would.” Sam kisses the nape of Jimmy’s neck. “So, can I ask you something?”

Jimmy’s stomach tightens then flip-flops. He grips his pencil almost hard enough to break it in two. _No. I'm not having this talk. “_ Uh, sure?”

“Where exactly _are_ we?” Sam’s voice is casual, but there’s a loaded tone to the question that makes Jimmy shiver. Sam calms him with gentle strokes to his tense muscles, apparently unaware of his reaction.

“Well.” Jimmy closes his textbook and draws a breath, appearing to think extremely hard. “Judging by the unmade bed, the amount of books scattered everywhere, and half of my shit in your closet, I'd say we’re definitely in your dorm room. Am I wrong? Ah!”

Sam nips the soft skin of Jimmy’s neck with his teeth, making the younger man wriggle and laugh.

“You know what I mean.”

“I guess I do.” Jimmy looks at his hands. He doesn't want to discuss this. He very badly does _not_ want to have this conversation, so he goes for the easy route. “I don't like you, Sam.”

“All right.” Sam doesn't falter one bit, and indignation sparks through Jimmy, followed swiftly by… “I don't like you either.” …hurt. OK, that shouldn't have hurt, but it did. Jimmy’s suddenly aware of his frown and downturned lips, and shuffles away so Sam has no chance of seeing his face. He opens his textbook again haphazardly, and pretends to read.

“Good. Glad we cleared that up.” He hopes his voice doesn’t waver as badly as it sounded like it did in his head.

“Jimmy.” Sam reaches around him to take the book from his hands, spinning it around and handing it back to him with an amused smirk. “That was upside down.”

“Oh. I…knew that.”

“Sure you did.”

They lapse into silence again, and Sam resumes rubbing Jimmy’s shoulders. The breeze from the open window locks at their skin, and the early evening sun is casting he whole room into a warm, golden glow.

“Maybe…maybe I…” Jimmy can't get the words out. He wants to. He wants to get them out so badly, but everything between him and Sam has been so fucked up and complicated that he doesn't dare. He doesn't want to ruin things any more. Doesn't want to hurt Sam, or Cas, or himself. Cas hasn’t given him the go-ahead, but then again he hasn’t forbidden it either. He said he needed time, and Jimmy can work with that. “I suppose I…”

“Yeah?” Sam kisses his neck, and a rapturous sigh leaves Jimmy’s lips.

“I don't… I don't _not_ like you.” That'll do, Jimmy’s hazy mind supplies. It's vague enough to be ambiguous, but Sam should know exactly what he means despite the double negative. Guy is smart, if he can’t figure it out then well, shame on him. Hell, _he_ barely knows what he means and has to refrain from covering his face with his hands in embarrassment as he waits for a reply.

“Oh really?” He feels a smile against his neck. “How interesting. Because I don't _not_ like you either, Jimmy. Fancy that.”

“Yeah. Fancy that.”

They continue in silence again, but Jimmy is paying no attention to his textbook. His heart is pounding against his ribs, and he feels warm all over in a way that can only be described as euphoric. He doesn’t to admit to liking Sam, but the way he feels when he's around him is comparable to nothing he's ever experienced. He's dated plenty of people - and he and Sam aren't even _dating_ , it's just _sex_ \- but he's never felt like this. He's aware that his cheeks must be flushed, and he bites his lip to prevent himself from smiling.

“Jimmy Novak?” Sam has never used his full name before and it sends a jolt through him, straight to his groin via his heart. Damn, why did that have to sound so fucking erotic?

“Y-yes?”

“Since we’re both free tonight, and since we both don't _not_ like each other, I have a proposition for you.” Sam clears his threat, speaking softly into Jimmy’s hair. “Will you let me take you out? Dinner, maybe a movie, walk along the bay? Enjoy this lovely weather we’re having? Maybe allow me to steal a kiss or two?”

“Sam, that's not…that sounds awfully like a date.” Jimmy’s cheeks are _definitely_ pink now, and he twists in Sam’s arms to look up at him. The smile on the other man’s face almost melts his heart.

“It's not _not_ a date.”

Jimmy bites his lip again, this time while allowing a slow grin to spread across his face.

“I can work with that.”

*

Tuesday comes around far too quickly, and Cas is struggling not to cry. They're standing outside Dean’s motel room, next to the Impala which holds a duffel bag full of clothes and belongings, everything Dean brought with him to Palo Alto apart from one threadbare t-shirt which Cas is currently wearing and almost clinging to. Dean’s arms are warm and secure around his waist, his lips soft and gentle at his neck, but Cas feels anything but happy. Dean is leaving. Leaving Stanford, leaving _him_ , and they don't know when they'll see each other again.

“I love you, Cas.” Dean whispers into his hair, and that does it. Cas starts to cry, and Dean just holds him and hushes him and doesn't let go.

“I'm going to miss you so much,” Castiel’s voice is choked, and he fists his hands in Dean’s flannel overshirt. “I can't believe this is it.”

“Hey,” Dean nudges Cas back so he can tilt his chin and look into his watery blue eyes. “This isn't _it_ , don't ever say that. It's just…an interlude. I'll be back before you know it. And you can come visit any time you want. Whenever Jimmy is driving you up the wall.”

“So, every day then.” Cas laughs through his tears.

“If I could spend every day with you, I'd consider myself the luckiest man on earth.” Dean kisses Cas on the forehead, right between his eyebrows. “Please don't cry. I can't leave you like this.”

“Then don't.” A streak of Jimmy’s impetuous side comes out in Cas, and he looks to Dean with wild eyes. “Don't go. Stay. We can work something out, I swear. I'll help you find a job, you can live with me in our dorm room. You can-”

“And where will Jimmy go?” Dean kisses him, tasting salt. “Sam’s room? As much as I want to stay, Cas,” His voice breaks and he has to take a second to compose himself. “You know I can't. Maybe one day I can move out here. I'll save some money, start my own business.” He sends his boyfriend a shy smirk. “Or you could be the high-flying career type, and I can be your house husband. That sounds good too.”

“It does. It really does.”

They kiss for a while against the car, both tired and sated from hours of loving sex throughout the night, and Cas tries to hold in his tears. He loves Dean more than he thought possible, and he knows they’ll be all right. They can call, text, write, Skype, whatever it takes.

They'll be all right.

But at this moment, it feels like Cas’ heart is being wrenched from his body. As Dean slides into the driver’s seat and Cas shuts the door for him, as they kiss through the open window, as Cas sniffles and wipes a stray tear from Dean’s cheek, he feels like a part of his soul is being wrenched away. It's not for long, he tells himself as he straightens up and backs away to the sidewalk. Not for long…

As Cas watches the Impala pull away, his heartbreak fades just a little. The car ambles off into the sunset, all sleek black lines and glowing chrome meeting golden-red sunlight, and looking at the car feels like home. Even though Dean is going away for a while, Cas knows how bright their future is. That their time apart will be difficult, while Dean works and Cas studies, but at the end of it all they'll be together, and that's what matters. Cas thanks his lucky star for his twin, for Sam Winchester, and for the myriad of circumstance that led him to Dean.

His Dean. The man who changed his life.

They're in love. And nobody is ever going to change that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all, folks!
> 
> Or is it...?


	25. Chapter 25

** Epilogue **

“Really, Jimmy?” Cas shivers in spite of the warm evening, and folds his arms tighter around himself. “ _This_ bar?”

“What's wrong with this bar?”

Jimmy pauses with his hand on the door, casting a confused look back over his shoulder at his brother. Cas looks like a sad, lost child and Jimmy’s stomach clenches at the sight. After Dean left, it took almost two weeks for Cas to stop waking up with red eyes and a blocked nose, and a further few days until he was ready to go back to his own bed and not sleep curled up next to his twin. He speaks to Dean every day, as much as he can via text messages and on the phone, but it’s evident he’s pining for his lover. His studies have suffered, and his lecturers have taken him aside more than once to check in on him. Heartbreak isn’t a good look for Cas. Jimmy hates seeing his twin in so much pain, which is partly why he’s suggested a drink and a few games of pool tonight, to try and get Cas back on his feet. It hadn’t been easy to get him here and now he’s worried his twin is going to turn around and go home.

Cas shrugs. “I first met Dean here.”

“Oh.” Jimmy swallows audibly, shifting from one foot to the other. “Well, lets just have one drink, and if you're feeling too sad to stay then we can go somewhere else. Deal?”

Cas shrugs again, a gentle incline of one shoulder. His expression is listless, and exhaustion comes off him in waves. He barely meets his brother’s gaze, focusing instead on scuffing the ground beneath him with the toe of his Converse.

“Sure. Whatever.”

“You'll have a good time, I promise. C’mon.”

Jimmy shoves the door open and guides Cas through a small throng of people towards the bar, where Sam is sitting perched on a bar stool waving at them. It had taken some convincing to get Cas to come out for a drink at all, and right now he looks like he wants to bolt. His eyes are wide, scanning the room, and he looks a little pale. Jimmy opens his wallet and shoves some money at his twin.

“You order, I’ll pay.” And with that, Jimmy vanishes to Sam’s side, and Cas watches bitterly as they kiss hello. _He_ wants to have someone to kiss hello. He wants Dean. It's been six weeks, six long weeks, and his heart aches every day. As far as Dean is aware, he's doing fine. He's perfected the art of sounding cheerful and upbeat on the phone, he's sure of it. It's just in real life that he's struggling, regressing to his old ways of closeting himself in the library studying and talking to as few people as possible outside of class. He's sad, he misses his boyfriend, and he's counting down the days until they next see each other. Dean has a flight booked to Palo Alto in the fall, and Cas is crossing days off his calendar as they crawl slowly by.

He approaches the bar like a man approaching the gallows, and orders beers for all of them. He stares at the perspiring bottles for a long moment, remembering that they were Dean’s favourite and makes a mental note to buy a case of them before he arrives, and reaches out to hand over the money. But then…

“I'll get these.”

A hand slaps a wad of cash down on the bar next to their drinks, and Cas suppresses a sigh. He isn't in the mood to be hit on. He turns to thank the stranger and apologise for refusing his offer but he can't let him do that for him, but the words die on his parted lips. Perfect teeth and glittering green eyes are looking back at him, and tears of immediate reaction burn in Cas’ eyes.

_What the fuck…?_

“D-Dean?”

“Heya, Cas.” Dean’s smile is warm and welcoming, his eyes catching the light perfectly, and Cas can't stop himself. He throws himself into the other man’s arms and clings, burying his face in Dean’s neck and inhaling the innate scent of _him_ , trying to hold back shocked tears. Dean’s arms are warm around his waist, and he feels the other man smile against him. “God, I've missed you so much baby. You have no idea.” Dean breathes in deeply, against Cas’ hair, and his voice trembles a little. “It's so good to see you.”

“What're you _doing_ here?”

Shocked beyond belief, Cas pulls back to stare up at his boyfriend, checking it's definitely him and not some lovesick-inducted mirage. Freckles, check. Golden skin, check. Cheeky smile, check. Perfect lips and eyes and face and body, check, check, check, it's _Dean_ and he's _here!_ A choked laugh bubbles out of Cas’ throat, and he twists to look for his brother, eyes searching the bar for Jimmy. His twin is wrapped around Sam and they’re both staring at them in glee. Jimmy is snapping a photo of them with his phone while Sam grins triumphantly, and Cas’ jaw falls open in shock.

“They _knew_?”

“Of course.”

Dean lowers his head and kisses Cas, and it's like the last six weeks have never happened. It's sweet and hot and sensuous and oh-so-perfect, and Cas can't hold back a whimper of happiness. He's not alone any more. Dean came back for him. When they pull apart, he hears a suspiciously Jimmy-like wolf-whistle, and hides his face in Dean’s shoulder, laughing tearfully.

“Well, Sammy knew.” Dean elaborates, tracing idle patterns onto Cas’ lower back. “ _Jimmy_ wasn't supposed to find out until last night, but apparently they don't keep secrets from each other any more, so they both helped me plan the whole thing. Although, I don't think shifting boxes is your brother’s forte. He kept up a steady complaint at how heavy they all were the entire time. Think he even broke a nail, poor thing.”

“Shifting boxes?” Cas’ brain is struggling to keep up, and Dean doesn't help that fact by kissing him again. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Dean deftly sidesteps Cas’ question and wriggles in his boyfriend’s arms until he has enough leverage to slip a hand in his pocket. A second later, a brand new shiny key on a single plastic keychain is dangling in front of Cas’ nose, and he takes it with numb fingers, bewildered. “This is for you.”

“Dean,” Cas pulls away to look at the key, and Dean snags a beer from the bar, taking a sip with shaky hands. “I don't understand. Is this for a motel?”

“Nope.” Dean doesn't elaborate, just stares at Cas with a sly smile.

“You're not…visiting? What’s it for?”

“Have a closer look.”

He's never felt so off-kilter in his life, and Dean’s scrutiny is making him blush for a hundred reasons. He turns the key over in fascination, and sees something printed on the white plastic key chain. In red and white writing, on a white background, are the words ‘Winchester Autos’ and a tiny hand-drawn Impala hangs off the W. Cas’ eyes widen and he feels his lips part in confusion. On the other side is an address in Palo Alto and a phone number, Dean’s number.

“Dean…” Cas looks up at him with shining, glassy eyes. “Is this…?”

Slightly pink-cheeked, Dean shrugs and sips his beer. “I’ve been saving for my own place for a while now, just didn't know where I wanted to go. Then I met someone, and… it all suddenly kinda made sense. Starting up here means I'm near Sammy, he can help out to make some extra cash, and, well, I'm near… I’m with you. If you’ll have me.” Dean looks up at Cas, and for a minute something wavers in his expression. “I should have asked you first, shouldn't I? I just, God, Cas, being apart from you is torture. I can't do it, I don't _want_ to do it. I want you, and I want us to have a life together, and-”

“Dean.” Cas is blinking away tears, and his throat is so tight he almost can't speak. “Shut up.”

And, laughing, he kisses the older man and it's a few long moments before they break apart, both damp-eyed and unable to stop smiling.

“I can't believe you did this. Without me knowing. How did you pull it off?”

“Sam. My uncle Bobby. Your bratty brother, who isn’t so bratty after a while. They've all been amazing, and they knew how badly I wanted to surprise you.” Dean’s arms come back around Castiel’s waist. “It's a good surprise, right?”

“It's the best surprise ever.” Cas is still fighting a wave of emotion so strong his knees feel like jelly. “And this key…?”

“Is a spare key to my apartment. For when, you know, Jimmy is driving you nuts. It’s not much, but I like it and I really hope you will too. You can crash at mine any day of the week.” Dean leans in close, a hand at the nape of Cas’ neck stroking the warm skin there. “Maybe every day.”

“Dean Winchester, are you asking me to move in with you?”

“Maybe. A little. When you're ready.” They kiss again, all open mouths and grabbing hands, and someone nearby clears their throat. Cas pulls away laughing, and Dean scoops the beers from the bar and they head over to their respective brothers, who are both all smiles and sparkling eyes at witnessing their happiness. Jimmy barely waits until they're sitting down to speak, and he's almost vibrating with excitement.

“Are you happy, Cas? Isn't it the best surprise _ever_? Dean has crossed the _country_ for you, I can't believe it! It’s so romantic! Were you surprised? Did you have _any_ idea? It was _so_ hard to keep it a secret, you have _no_ idea-”

“Jimmy. Take a breath, for God’s sake.” Sam laughs, pulling the younger twin in for a kiss as he pauses, squeaks, and blushes. Dean and Cas aren't listening though; they're lost in each other's eyes, whispering quietly and Cas is playing with the key in his hands, still a little shaky with shock and ecstatic happiness. They trade gentle kisses and cuddle up against each other as the night wears on, watching the people mill around them as they dance and drink; Sam and Jimmy have their hands interlinked and occasionally press kisses to each other's necks and the four of them talk and laugh and trade jokes - most of them at Jimmy’s expense - for hours.

Cas can't ever remember feeling so at home.

“Hey, look. The pool table is free. I'll rack ‘em.” Dean kisses Cas on the forehead then tugs him by the hand away from their little table. “I might even let you win.”

_Fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just _had_ to go for the fluffy ending, I need my boys to be happy and dammit they're gonna be!!
> 
> Thank you so much to EVERY SINGLE PERSON who has read and commented and left kudos. You're amazing and I love you!

**Author's Note:**

> Customary tumblr plug: <http://coffeeandcas.tumblr.com>. Got a fluffy/angsty Destiel prompt? Send it to me and I'll do my best to fill it!


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